Tag Archives: television

The Bachelor Recap episode 4, season 15

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by

Tonight on The Bachelor we get answers to all of the important questions in dating life drama:
Q: Who wakes up with a black eye and no idea how it happened?
A: Michelle, that’s who.
Q: What does the H. in Ashley H. Stand for?
A: Haywire.
Q: Who is going to possibly kill Brad, is afraid of heights and wants to throw up?
A: Michelle, of course.
Q: Who kicked Michelle’s ass in her sleep?
A: My hero.

Michelle says Brad will kiss her eye and that will make it better. I don’t believe her…I’m still waiting for those fireworks she promised would appear when she shoved her tongue down Brad’s throat.

“If you don’t get a rose on a one-on-one date you’re going home and life is over. Week four. This is serious.” – Chris Harrison.  Okay, I may have paraphrased there a bit.

One-on-one date: “How deep is your love?”
Chantal O.

I have my fingers crossed hoping to hear Sisqo’s catchy tune in the background…”how deep is your love for me…tell me what it’s gonna be…” as Brad gallantly walks in the door to his brood of waiting women but instead Michelle just blurts out: “I have a black eye!” Kudos to you – you win the crazy award.  Again.

As we dive into their date we learn Chantal married her high school sweetheart and now she’s divorced and realizing she doesn’t have much experience dating. It’s my professional blogging opinion that Chantal has the biggest advantage because she doesn’t know what real dating is supposed to be like and therefore actually has a shot here.

Their helicopter chariot whisks them away to Catalina and Brad explains that he is taking Chantal to do something that will make her feel like she’s completely out of the real world.  Because helicopter rides on first dates are all too real.  And so is competing alongside 25 women for one guy.  On television.  They are going to walk on the sea floor. Chantal confesses she is afraid of deep water and though feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and stress, she’ll face her fears to show Brad how deeply she cares for him. Come on, someone make a ‘take the plunge” or “dive in feet first” joke. No humor.  Week four – very serious.  

This date is awful.  It’s the ugliest sea floor ever. There is one orange fish about the size of a large goldfish.

Brad asks if Chantal wants to get married again and Chantal says absolutely. Brad asks more about her marriage and she shares that it lasted four and a half years but she was with him for 10 years and now knows a lot more about herself.  Brad says he wants that too, he’s so much more open to that, and he wants to share his life with someone.  I’m sick of him saying this same line to every girl in the house, to Chris Harrison, to his therapist, to the camera guy… but the ladies love it.  She’s totally falling for him. (if you are playing the drinking game I told you not to play, I fully understand that you’re drunk at this point, even by just reading this recap.)  They repeat that they like each other a lot. Then a quick kiss and a kiss on the hand.

Back to the rainy mansion where crazy Michelle confesses she thinks she may have beat herself up in her sleep.  I believe her. And I think everyone else in the house does too.

Cuddling up on their lounge chair for two, Chantal apologizes for slapping Brad upon first meeting him (translate: sorry I did what the producers told me to do to get them good ratings).  Brad says she brings out the playful side of him and she calls him out on stuff, that being with her feels like real life so he offers her the rose.  Then he utters “you better accept the damn rose” and they giggle and he throws his head back to show how playful he is. I don’t believe you.  Then he begs her to “please quit talking and just kiss me, please?”  This is getting pretty boring so I feel like it could be going somewhere.  And it does goes somewhere…Inside the cabana on the beach for more cuddling and kissing to get out of the rain. Chantal thanks God for the rain. 

Michelle is adamant that she and Brad have what none of the other girls do (an on-call therapist?) and later warns “there is a really good chance that if I don’t get a date this week Brad might get his own black eye.”  I believe her.

Group date: “let’s put our love on the line”
Ashley S, Stacey, Lindsey, Meghan, Alli, Lisa, Jackie, Ashley H. and Britt

I am so excited because they are at the Loveline radio studio. This is gonna get interesting and hopefully really funny. I listen to Kevin & Bean every morning so these guys are regular characters for me. The girls wait in a sound-proof room and they are nervous about what Dr. Drew may ask. They should be nervous knowing all the therapy Brad’s had – he’s a pro at this game.

Brad’s first topic is about cheating. Stacey admits that she cheated on her college boyfriend. This was pegged in previews to be the second biggest drama-filled moment of the evening but all Brad does is commend her honesty. The girls ask about Brad’s type and he says he doesn’t have a type but he just wants to find a real connection where he can be himself. Brad says the girls open up and share a lot, which clearly the producers did not find interesting because none of it was aired.  I’m so utterly disgusted at boring this was.

Now, for a pool party – surprise!  The girls take turns interrupting each other for alone time with Brad. Alli steals Brad from Stacey, who is then pissed because Ashley S. pulls him away one minute in to her alone time and then karma comes around and dishes it up in the form of Jackie the Wicked/Glee singer. Brad loves it. I’m mildly amused.

Britt looks like a really cute girl next door and concedes nervously that she has a crush on Brad and he buys into it by demanding that she come over to him despite the fact that they’re already sitting right next to each other. During some pretty hot and heavy liplock action Ashley H. the artist dentist is creeping up behind them. After Britt and Brad wipe all the saliva they’ve just exchanged off their lips Ashley H. gets some alone time and she becomes the bitter pill Brad doesn’t want because she is getting jealous and voices it. She says she feels like she needs to pull away and get defensive and to console her Brad tells her their first date was perfect, calls her “babe” with false affection, tells her to “hang in there,” and then only offers his shoulder. I get hopeful as it seems he’s going to give up on her or perhaps offer her his therapist’s business card.  Mumbles yells from the other room (seriously, this time, not on the couch next to me) that he should give up on her – 20 girls are ready and willing, happy to do this, enduring what is sure to be lifelong couples therapy, and plus, she’s not that cute. Brad says he knows what he needs to do which either means a) she’s going home or b) she’s getting a rose. He says there’s no way in hell that he’s letting her second guess their connection and it seems as if he’s gearing up to give her the rose BUT she throws another pity party tantrum in the hot tub to get attention and he changes his mind, pulling Britt away to tell her they have good kisses. Ha. Awkward, but I get it. Might as well keep the good kissers and the crazies around – both provide entertainment.

The artist dentist realizes she might be costing Brad a few grand in therapy and therefore may have ruined her chances. I concur.

One on one date: “let’s hang out together”
Michelle

Chantal pulls out the psychology card (no wonder Brad likes her!) playing mind games with Michelle by pointing out that Michelle’s date card doesn’t say anything about love and every other one-on-one date card has. And boom: out comes the crazy!  It’s like magic!

Michelle pronounces this day to be her day. Black eye concealed under a frosting layer of makeup, Michelle is pissed that the artist dentist is getting the pity limelight from the girls and Brad on the morning of her special day. Gasp! Brad tells Ashley he cares and he wants her to stop being lame and pouty. Okay, not quite so succinctly, but that was the gist of it.  While Michelle has a poutfest of her own Chantal points out that Michelle walked away from the group during the action movie filming to have a tantrum and Brad had to take time away from the group to go after her. Nope, not the same she says. Completely different. Totally. You’re wrong. She beats people up in her sleep. Believe her.

Brad drives Michelle up to his Bachelor pad and he feigns surprise at the sight of the helicopter. Someone should tell Michelle how many other girls got helicopter rides before she did. I nominate Chantal.  They land on top of a building and Brad looks over the edge to point out the pool below where they’re going to have dinner, which Michelle will need after she swears she’s going to throw up. She’s practically crying when she learns they’ll be repelling down the building to get to the pool. So, of it wasn’t obvious before: the producers have clearly lined up these dates matching the womens’ deepest fears. After the fake drama and tears they kiss while still up in the air. Blah.

Brad is overwhelmed by their bonding experience. I am grossly reminded of Jake & Vienna’s bungee jumping fall into love.  Then Brad dives into the pool, fully clothed. He’s so proud of his spontaneity and boyish charm. Then she seals the deal by making him swear to never repel off a building with another woman. He agrees. She’s satisfied and kissing ensues, then cut to her post date interview where she shows how pleased she is with herself by fiercely punching the air. What a whacko.  That’s how you got that black eye, darlin’…watch out. 

During dinner Brad says he wants to meet her daughter, Brielle. Michelle asks Brad if he’s really ready to get married and then tells Brad that she can’t see him with anyone but her. Brad points out their obviously very intense connection then goes to get her a rose. He calls this rose “an easy one.” I chuckle. Brad says he can easily see his day to day life with Michelle. I can too. It goes something like this: taking care of Brielle, getting Michelle’s prescriptions filled, dropping Brielle off at school, attending intensive therapy, picking up Brielle from school, dropping her off at therapy, tightening the straight jacket at home, then off to the bar for work. Wake up. Repeat. More kids = more therapy. You’re gonna need another bar, bud.

Welcome back the therapist. The deepest Brad can go is telling his therapist the pressure he is feeling from having to kiss all the girls. The therapist says to explore it fully, go for it, express the romance, do it, go with it, spread the herpes love. That’ll be $500.

Cocktail party:
Shawntel – Brad calls their connection “understated.” but she jumps into his arms and they kiss, recreating their only connection during the steamy, staged action movie sequence.

Meghan – Brad tells she has walls up. She knows. He tries on his therapist hat and tells her to “own this as her own experience.”

Emily – Brad tells her he has something for her then pulls her aside to give her a basket. We hear one of the girls ask from the other room “do you think he has the ring in that basket?” Haha. Good guess! But sadly, no.  Brad has been looking forward to seeing her all week; he doesn’t want her to feel forgotten so he wants to do everything in his power to make sure she knows he cares about her. They have a sweet talk, he asks about her daughter and she says she left little presents and notes for her lunch everyday. Darling. It’s easy to understand why all the other girls in the house are jealous. Mother Teresa strikes again.

Chantal – feels like a fool after seeing Brad making huge gestures to show Emily how much he cares. Brad says he loves that she’s not needy and that she is independent. She agreed that she needs to trust that he’s man enough to do what’s best for him in the end. “Damn straight I’m man enough to do that,” he says with a straight face until she laughs at him. And that’s what he loves about her. And kissing makes everything a-okay.

Rose Ceremony:
Britt
Chantal
Michelle, black-eyed crazy
Ashley S., the nanny
Alli
Emily, Southern Belle Barbie with the soul of Mother Teresa
Shawntel, the funeral director…how do we not know more about this yet?
Lisa – she’s cute but I don’t know a gosh darn thing about her
Jackie, the Wicked/Glee singer
Marissa, the sports publicist – also no story here
Ashley H., the artist dentist

The three lucky loser ladies going home:
Meghan – her ego is blown as she hobbles out of the mansion through the courtyard.
Stacey – laments that “it’s just not in the cards…”
Lindsey – disappointed with a smile, fighting back tears. Then heaving a bit as she sucks in the snot. Still classy though.

Tonight’s beverage of choice:  Pete’s Wicked  Ale Strawberry Blonde

Next week: Vegas. Fireworks (must be as a result of kissing Michelle!), shopping bags, NASCAR racing, lots of tears, jealousy, surprise.

Thoughts on the episode? Leave a comment!

The BFOTB & The Bachelor. How it all came to be.

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps, Thoughts & Stories by

Before we get to this week’s recap I just have to share that this all started because BFOTB Ashley and I would love to get together each week to catch up, drink wine, have dinner, and revel in the awkwardness that is each episode of The Bachelor.  We started giving participants fun nicknames then writing down memorable quotes to share on Facebook, and soon therafter we escalated into full blown summaries and high/lowlights of each episode.  Well, it seems others are beginning to see just how fun watching The Bachelor can be!  Take this drinking game from Reality Fishbowl, for example. Absolutely hilarious.  My personal fave requires two shots anytime Chris says something that’s completely obvious.  As in, “Brad, girls, this is the last rose…”  Don’t play, though.  You don’t stand a chance. 

BFOTB has been across the pond in London these past two weeks making my solo Bachelor watching and recapping a little less fun. I look forward to welcoming back her witticism next week!

If this is your first time on this blog and you want to catch up on the first three episodes this season you can read them here, here and here.  We love hearing your thoughts on the show so feel free to leave comments!

Cheers!

The Bachelor Recap episode 3, season 15

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by

Explosions, drama, damsels in distress, territory marking, manipulation, tears, and goodbyes…and that’s just the “Tonight on The Bachelor” intro clip! Here’s the skinny on the whole show:

17 “normals and crazies” still left says Chantal O. And that just about sums it up.

First solo date: “Let’s find our love song”
Ashley S., the nanny first impression rose winner

Brad says his nerves went away the first time he met her and that’s why he chose her for this special date. Ashley S. vows that she’ll get Brad to kiss her on the date, which is at Capitol records for what Brad calls a torturous event: recording the song “Kiss From a Rose” by Seal (random). Little does Brad know that she is deathly afraid of singing and has a huge singing complex. Big oops. But, low and behold, “Kiss From a Rose” is one of her favorite songs (where did you find her?!).

They.are.awful. AWFUL. I’m still sick and have not had any wine. My insides are writhing in embarrassment. I hate this date. Brad says he is very comfortable with

Ashley and he is naturally more affectionate with her because of it. Then, surprise! Seal is here singing his famous song that has huge sentimental value to Ashley. I hope that the producers intentionally arranged this because she mentioned the song and her father in her pre-show interview because otherwise this is totally random.

Now they are up on the rooftop of Capitol Records with a stunning city lights view for a romantic dinner. Ashley shares the story about her father passing and how they used to sing “Kiss From a Rose” together at the top of their lungs. Brad moves to consoling her and she brings a positive note to her otherwise very very sad story (especially for a first date). She was really cute explaining how special Brad made her feel despite their incredibly awful singing. She really took Chris Harrison’s warning to heart and Brad noticed, thanking her for being so open and honest. Then, Brad asks her to accept the rose and she misses the perfect opportunity to ask for a kiss from a rose…corny, yes, but, hey, she said she wanted a kiss. Don’t fret, though, they have a little make out session at the end of their date. I’d like to also note that she made sure the camera crew caught it on tape…when they came up for air she totally looked around for the camera!

Group date: “Love hurts”
Lindsey, Shawntel, Alli, Britt, Kimberly, Sarah, Chantal, Ashley H., Lisa, Stacy, Marissa, and Michelle

Michelle has totally been pegged by producers as the crazy sexy chick that will provide the best over-the-top stalker comments, which is evidenced by the small snippets they throw in about every 6 minutes. Example of said funny moments: “our card says love hurts but what really hurts is being on a group date with these women.” what a gem.

Brad is already sweaty when the girls show up and as he is welcoming them he is attacked by ninjas and street hoodlums and manages to fight them all off, impressing all his lovely lady friends. On this group date they’ll be filming their own action movie scenes. Alli probably says it best when she confesses that she would prefer not to sweat in front of brad. True: “pit stains are not hot.”

During the filming Lisa is the brunt of Michelle’s jokes because her grunts sound like birds chirping. Ha! Shawntel N. is really standing out to Brad today because she is really taking the butt kicking seriously. They make out a lot. A lot. And I really wish she wouldn’t have worn those leopard leggings during the closing scene. Not cute.

To celebrate their cinematic debuts, Brad takes them to a pool for a “Woo!!” party, where everything is “yay!” and “woohoo!” But not everything is splashing chicken fights and bikinis…Chantal O. takes Brad aside and starts crying going through the ‘I’m sharing my boyfriend with other women’ phase and she opens up about her relationship with her estranged father who passed away. And (this may sound familiar) Brad comes in to console her and Chantal says that she feels a really strong connection with him, he’s making her feel special. And he says he likes her all puffy and crying because that’s real life. She tells Brad she likes him. He likes her too. She replies “too much.” Then they kiss. It’s pretty steamy.

Alli is inside talking to Brad and crazy Michelle appears in the background slinking in and then acts surprised to be interrupting. Brad stutters through asking Alli to leave so that he and Michele can talk a bit. She confronts Brad about not getting alone time then starts the waterworks by saying she feels selfish for being there and leaving her daughter. Here’s a hint about this show: tears = kisses. Michelle is feeling so accomplished after getting her kiss. Mission: accomplished. After that steamy, manipulative kiss Brad retrieves the rose to go to the rooftop to… tell Shawntel that he is wildly attracted to her and he wants her to be around to get to know her better. Didn’t see that coming!

Then the premiere of Love Hurts, which we don’t really get to see. And its been more than six minutes so Michelle gives another speech about Brad being hers and that in the end it will be just the two of them in Tahiti practicing making babies.

One-on-one date: “Love is intoxicating”
Emily

Emily is terrified that when she tells Brad about her daughter and her daughter’s father he’ll run for the hills. She shares her story with the girls in the house and they are all a big ball of tears. After hearing her story, all the girls forget it’s a competition and are very encouraging about her opening up to Brad and telling him everything.

Best quote of the night comes from Meghan the man, who I’d like to not call the man anymore because I’ve deemed her funny; she explains Emily, Southern Belle Barbie as such: “Like an itsy, bitsy barbie doll with the soul of Mother Theresa so you want to hate her but you can’t hate Mother Theresa, you have to love her… so no one hates Emily. Awesome.”

Brad surprises Emily with a flight to Santa Maria. He is so excited. She is terrified but tries to cover it up because Brad is giddy and proud that the producers set upbsuch an awesome date for them. While lounging in the vineyard Brad asks Emily about herself and she replies that she’s just like everyone else, you know, she gets grumpy when she’s tired…haha. She is hilarious at deflecting his hard questions.

Back at the mansion Madison is reflecting on Emily sharing her story and she sheds a few tears realizing that she wants to find a partner. In life and maybe she shouldn’t be here in this competition vying for Brad’s love when so many women are clearly very invested. Hmmm…very profound and insightful.

Back to Emily and Brad who are having a lovely romantic dinner arranged in a barn.  Brad pretends like he is actually thinking of not giving her a rose because he’s worried about her not opening up. She is too beautiful to not get a rose. I don’t believe you, sir.

Emily senses the awkwardness so she tells Brad about her fiancé Ricky Hendrick, son of NASCAR race car owner Rick Hendrick, and the tragic plane accident. Emily keeps reaching for the wine. I like her. Brad makes the right move by immediately asking about her daughter and Emly immediately begins to open up. Brad seems nervous so he kisses her hand, then her cheek and then Emily leans in to let him know he can go in for the kiss so he does. It’s very special and romantic and I hear my husband, Mumbles, grown from the other room (okay, the couch. Right next to me.) “ugh, I can’t believe she kissed him!  She is way too good for him. AND he just kissed 10 other girls. Eww.”  I’m not even angry at his outright jealousy as I admit, I, too, am quite mesmerized by her – she’s so “gosh dang” pretty and her smile is so white! Swoon.

Every girl tonight has said that Brad makes her feel very special. He is getting really good at this game! Uh, I mean true-quest-for-love-that-just-happens-to-be-televised.

Next we’re introduced to the therapist Brad is working with while he’s in LA. I must admit that hearing him talk to his therapist sounds exactly the same as the conversation he’s supposed to have with Chris Harrison before the rose ceremony reflecting on the past week. This guy is a professional, though, so it’s more credible and a bit more bearable.

The cocktail party:

“I wrapped myself up like a present so I could open myself up to you,” says Alli. [insert inappropriate comment from Mumbles.] She shares that her dad was unfaithful and had a child with someone else. Wow, casting did a great job of finding women with Dad issues just as screwed up as Brad’s but I’m getting a little sick of it and can only imagine that Brad is too.  I mean, really, do they think that a guy with really screwed up history with his Dad also wants a woman with really screwed up Dad issues?  I guess it’s something to bond over, but wow.  Brad and Alli talk about trust and Brad shares that he’s never cheated on anyone. Very important.

Brad pulls Chantal O aside and they giggle over how physically attracted they are to each other and Brad apologizes to her for not giving back enough of what she deserved after opening up about her father and family. They are having a really great, intimate moment when Michelle comes over and rudely asks “am I interrupting?” – yes, yes you are. But you knew that. (why doesn’t anyone ever just say that?! And why is the Bachelor never kind enough to rescue the poor girl getting interrupted?) Michelle announces that she and Brad are in a fight. Hello, crazy. She confronts Brad about kissing other girls and he plays right into her little game by saying she’s a smart alec and playful and she can steal him away any night of the week. Crazies always win (at least in the first 5 episodes).

Madison has a good talk with Brad and opens up about how she’s been feeling after hearing Emily’s story and seeing him connect with other women and how it has influenced her expectations for falling in love. It was a very real conversation and Brad lets on to understanding that she may want to go home so he tells her he respects her for those feelings. I do too. Turns out the girl with the fangs is one of the normal ones!

Brad has a one-on-one talk with Ashley H., the artist dentist, and he senses that she isn’t feeling comfortable which is his therapist inspired mantra for the night and therefore bothering him that he won’t be getting a gold star. It’s really unsettling to him knowing that Madison might he going home and he’s concerned about losing her so he comes back to Ashley on the couch, pulls her up and lays a big kiss on her for reassurance. Can’t be losing too many women in one night, it’ll throw off the crazy v. normal balance in the house.

Roses:

  • Ashley S., the nanny
  • Shawntel N, the funeral director
  • Emily, Southern Belle Barbie
  • Michelle, the crazy
  • Chantal O.
  • Lisa
  • Jackie, the Glee/Wicked singer
  • Ashley H, the artist dentist
  • Marissa, the sports publicist
  • Britt
  • Alli
  • Lindsey
  • Meghan
  • Stacy

Madison walked out of the middle of the rose ceremony and Brad gallantly followed her to understand why she wanted to leave. Commendably, she recognizes that she has put up a facade to guard herself and now other women are being real and making real connections and she explains that she would feel guilty taking a rose away from someone who is here and has been putting their heart on the line from the beginning. Kudos to you, lady.

Sarah and Kimberly also went home tonight, neither of whom seemed too devastated…until they get outside and Kimberly says “f&$! Brad” and Sarah sniffles while advising the women of the world that rejection sucks. Word.

Who do you think has had the best kiss so far? Leave your thoughts below!

The Bachelor Recap episode 2, season 15

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by

The bachelor episode 2, season 15

Ashley H., the artist dentist, receives the First date card and it reads: “The road to love is a wild ride.” She comes down the stairs looking like the tin man. And as they walk out the door we hear my contender for favorite quote of the night (already!) whispered by a woman I can’t yet name without a caption…maybe the manscaper?: “He’s perfect. I love his suit, his face.”

So they’re off, driving in what appears to be nothing but a dirt road in the woods that are the Hollywood Hills. And they get out of the car and they are walking to nowhere and a switch is dramatically flipped and a carnival lights up. And they have it all to themselves. How creepy. And how fake did it look for them to be carelessly running through the deserted carnival? You’ve got the place to yourself + no lines = no need to run. They bond over a mutual dissatisfaction for their absent fathers and Brad cant believe how much he’s opening up. She gets her rose and Brad says he likes her a lot. A lot. So they make out. A lot. And then she says the magic words…”can we do it again?”

Melissa the waitress has been saving up for this for eight years…buying outfits, gowns, drugs…seriously, she looks awful and sounds crazier.

Group date: “Let’s share something from the heart”
Chantal O, Keltie, Madison, Melissa, Kimberly, Marissa, Raichel, Britt, Emily, Stacey, Meghan, Alli, Shawntel N, Lisa, Michelle
Michelle is pouty because it’s her 30th birthday. And she just really wants him to notice her. They are filming a PSA for the American Red Cross and some of the women are very excited about their costumes (Emily, the hot maid) while Keltie is stuck as a butch woman in arm casts. Britt says she’s been a gymnast her entire life so she knows how to hide nerves but that doesn’t mean she’s not growing ulcers at an alarming rate. You and me both, lady. Michelle reminds us it’s her birthday. Britt is nervous about making out with Brad for the first time under forced circumstances. So she really gets into character and let’s him have it. And Michelle reminds us it’s her birthday. And she’s angry so she walks off set. And so brad follows. Michelle apologizes to Brad, then he apologizes, I want you to be here, I want to be here…no kissing. Surprisingly she doesn’t tell him it’s her birthday. Maybe she forgot.

Melissa the waitress gets alone time and wants to clear the air for jumping in and kissing him in the middle of another scene. “I’m not usually that girl”…I don’t think he believes it. Michelle the birthday girl gets alone time and she tells brad he has walls and he is aghast. (I’ve been in therapy for three years!) Boy, does she know the right buttons to push. Raichel and Melissa have a little cat fight in the middle of the party but everyone else is too busy boozing and snacking to notice. The birthday girl tantrum pays off for Michelle, who receives the group date rose then proceeds to wave it in front of all the other girls, taunting.

Second one-on-one date with Jackie the Glee singer: “let’s get our love on track”
Brad pampers Jackie with a faux facial and a mini hand rub, and then shows her to a room full of dresses and shoes all in her size. Wait, there’s more: diamonds! The glee singer seems what Brad says she is – very classy. During dinner at the Hollywood Bowl Brad asks about prior relationships and Jackie shares that she’s only had two relationships and Brad is worried that she might not open up. He expresses his concerns but gives her the rose anyway. Then the stage turns around and Train is performing for just the two of them. Very romantic. Then they kiss in what she calls the perfect ending to a perfect date. If he didn’t give her the rose I wonder if they still would have played.

Before the welcome toast at the cocktail party is done clink-clinking, Michelle – who just might now be dubbed the crazy (must be the name) – pulls Brad away to ask him the following two crucial questions: 1) starbucks or coffee bean 2) what do you keep stocked in your fridge. When Emily learns of this, she says “oh, I though you were being a smart ass.” and boy don’t we wish because that would have been funny, not crazy.

Melissa and Raichel get into another cat fight so they are fully disrupting the cocktail party. Melissa runs to Brad crying and tries to explain her side of the story and then interrupts to talk about her bad breath from the onion pizza she ate. You’re a crying mess and your breath stinks…not helping. Also, have you seen the back of your hair?

Chris Harrison interrupts the party to introduce Ali and Roberto, here for publicity…uh, I mean, because they know Brad, okay, uh, to help Brad pick out who’s here for the right reason. They interview the girls. Michelle says it was her birthday. Melissa cries. Chantal the Shannon Doherty lookalike tells it like it is. Emily is the envy of all the girls when Brad pulls her away to give her the rose for being genuine.

Roses:
Chantal O, the Shannon Doherty doppleganger
Sarah
Alli, the too big booty
Kimberly
Shawntel N, the funeral director
Stacey, the new Gia
Ashley S., the nanny
Madison, vampy
Lisa
Marissa, the sports publicist
Meghan, the man
Lindsay
Britt, who doesn’t look like Darryl Hannah anymore but is a self-proclaimed prude
Ashley H., the artist dentist – carnival rose
Michelle, the new crazy – pity birthday rose
Jackie, the Glee singer – the pretty woman rose
Emily, Southern Belle Barbie -Ali’s genuine rose

Now that Keltie is gone we have no more quality entertainment post rose ceremony to look forward to, but before she leaves the mansion she gives a nice speech about all the ways she’s failed at dating. I’m gonna miss that girl.

I had to trade in the wine for nyquil and Ginger ale this week so I hope I didn’t miss anything. Looking forward to hearing your favorite moments, quotes, annoyances, and predictions. Comment below!