Welp, I told you this season was going to be really rough for me. Case in point? Last night, Mumbles and I went to bed at 8 in the p.m. I didn’t even realize until I woke up for a 1 a.m. feeding that the night before was Monday and I missed my couch date with our fave guy, Juan Pablo. Oops. Also, Declan must be going through some sort of growth spurt or teething or something because little dude was up every hour last night. Every hour. Today was rough.
We’re down to 15 gals for our guy Juan P. Here’s how it went…
Juan-On-One Date: “Love is a wild ride.” – Cassandra
“I haven’t had a first date since I was 18 years old.” — Cassandra
Juan Pabs seems to think Cassandra is a little shy. I happen to think she’s a bit vapid. They’re entire date she’s half giggling in surprise and exclaiming “ohmigod!” It makes a lot more sense when she further explains that the last date she keeps talking about – the one at age 18 if you didn’t hear her the forty times she said it – was only a mere three years ago. She’s 21. She can hardly drink all that alcohol the show provides.
Their date is pretty epic as we discover that the funky looking jeep-like vehicle is actually an amphibious car — and it really hauls. Looks awesome. Again, I say these producers are getting cleverer with their dates. Well done, people!
Following their afternoon in the water (we only get a glimpse of a makeout session), the date continues at his residence with homecooked dinner and dancing. For dessert they try a bunch of chocolates and get out their brag books (well, she has photo prints – so old school for such a young’un! but Juan Pablo is allowed to have his phone. Did you know that the contestants aren’t allowed to have phone access?)
I’m not quite sure I understand Cassandra’s spastic kissing style but apparently he’s into it because she gets a rose.
Group Date: “Let’s kick it!” – Kelly, Renee, Sharleen, Danielle, Alli, Lauren, Andi, Christy, Lucy, and Nikki
It’s not clear why Juan Pablo quit playing soccer after his daughter was born, but clearly he still loves it. And clearly he’s still in shape. This would’ve been the perfect chance for ABC to get some shirts versus skin action on screen but somehow we aren’t that lucky.
Juan Pablo coaches the girls through some practice drills, Alli feels like she’s a cut above the rest since she’s played soccer her entire life but the other girls aren’t going to sit on the sidelines. It gets brutal. It’s tough to watch. Sharleen is taking more balls to the face than…well, you see where I was going with that.
Nikki sits down for some alone time but she seems rushed and a bit abrasive compared to his calm, cool, collected style.
Andi and Juan Pablo sneak behind a concession counter where she confesses that things got a bit more serious for her today. Amidst the hot dogs and nacho cheese (mmmm…nacho cheese), Juan Pablo sneaks a hot kiss with Andi. Come to think of it, that’s pretty much my dream right there.
Alli wants four or five kids – she’s sucking up when she says she wants to build a little soccer team.
Danielle shares she was adopted when she was two days old. But that’s all we get to know about that.
Juan Pablo tells Sharleen she’s got class and he likes that. And then he goes in for the kiss and she doesn’t quite look like she likes that. Or maybe she wasn’t ready for it? Either way, it was weird. And then she asks for another because she’s “not quite sure.”
The group date rose goes to Nikki and she is surprised, along with Andi and Sharleen who wonder what else they have to do with [soccer] balls to get a rose around this joint.
Juan-On-One Date: “Do you trust me?” – Chelsie
After singing and dancing in the car, then stuffing their faces with Venezuelan food, what else is there to do but hurl yourself off a bridge to see if it all comes up? (Sad side note: the bridge is near where I grew up and had a reputation for jumpers…so much so that it is known as Suicide Bridge – not very romantic, ey?) Juan Pablo is using his best sexy, soothing voice to urge Chelsie to jump but whenever she responds to his quiet coos to console her, she’s practically yelling in his ear. And then she’s crying. And then they’re jumping. And you know how the story goes: now she’s super duper happy she trusted him and took the leap. And then they make out upside down.
That night they have a romantic candle-lit dinner at Pasadena City Hall, which is actually way prettier than it sounds. At this point in the show, Mumbles wonders aloud how easy it would be to be the music guy on this show — “lots of simple piano tunes,” he says, “I could probably do that.”
Chelsie gets the rose because according to Juan Pablo she’s fun, she smiles and she cares about people. Cute.
And wait! There’s more! Just when she thinks it can’t get any better…Juan Pablo surprises Chelsie with a private concert by Billy Currington (an artist she actually knows and likes!). She seems genuinely thrilled and happy to be singing and dancing, clutching that rose.
Juan Pablo declares Chelsie to be “a keeper” and I gotta say, they do look sweet together.
Juan Pablo sneaks into the mansion to make a traditional Venezuelan breakfast as a surprise for the girls. It’s a fun little social experiment to see who wakes up looking good with no makeup on. Smart man.
Then, instead of a formal, stuffy cocktail party, Juan Pablo declares that he’d like to mix it up with a pool party before the rose ceremony. Getting to see the girls in their bikinis before handing out roses…that Juan Pablo is much, much smarter than we all give him credit for!
It’s not long before the girls have all picked the girl in the house they love to hate: Kat.
Sharleen is the girl this season that is struggling with the cameras and the fierce competition. Next thing you know she’s sniffling into Juan Pablo’s shoulder. And he might be speaking English but it’s probably sexier to assume he’s whispering sweet nothings in Spanish to console her. And, oh! what do you know that the next minute she’s keeping watch to make sure the other girls can’t see them making out. So, Sharleen seems to be the manipulative one this season.
When Clare needs to cry in the bathroom for a while, surprise surprise, house mom Renee is the first to her rescue. Funny thing is Clare is pissed about not getting face time with Mr. Bachelor, yet she’s hiding out behind closed doors. I do not envy these Bachelors who pretty much need a double major in Women’s Studies and Psychology to juggle all the emotions and estrogen. Whew…that’s rough.
Going home: Lucy and Christy.
Next week: South Korea, Sharleen sings, Clare gets clingy, and oh, the crying.
P.S. Don’t forget to watch Sean & Catherine’s wedding, which will air on Sunday at 8 p.m.
P.P.S. Our Bachelor is quite controversial, no?