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The Bachelorette After the Final Rose – Desiree

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Desiree comes out in bridal white, flashing a happy smile and her shiny engagement ring. Here’s the interesting updates from After the Final Rose:

– Brooks faces Desiree for the first time after breaking her heart leaving Antigua. Brooks says that watching the show back was difficult but Des commends him for being so honest, which is what helped her to move on. As far as regrets go, Brooks is easy on himself and Desiree is easy on the situation as well.  Oddly enough, Brooks didn’t know what had happened so Desiree had to say “Well, you leaving was actually really great.” And when she tells Brooks that she’s engaged to Chris, he says he’s not surprised at all.  A very easy, uninteresting interview actually.

– Drew‘s interview is long and drawn out and there’s really not much you can say about it. It wasn’t there. He’s fine. She’s fine. He wants her to be happy. She wants him to be happy.  And the “could I have done something different?”  “No.”  “Drew, are you still in love with Des?” “No. But…I have nothing but love for you.” The end.

– Chris comes out and Chris Harrison waits a whole one minute before bringing up Brooks. Way to ruin a moment, guy.  Once we see how happy the newly engaged couple is to be reunited again, we get to rewatch their proposal.  Cute.  But we just saw it five minutes ago, so thanks for that.  New developments: Desiree is moving to Seattle this weekend. They got a new place so they’ll have a fresh start to their new life together. (read: I didn’t want any of his crap).  In true Chris fashion, he’s written a poem for Desiree, framed with dried rose petals from each of the rose ceremonies.  Super sappy but they seem happy.

– The next Bachelor is….Juan Pablo!   I’m telling you, the accent wins every time.  Here’s what you need to know: Juan Pablo is 32, he grew up in Venezuela, he was a professional soccer player, he moved to Miami, had a daughter who is now 4 years old, and he speaks highly of his daughter’s mom.  Juan Pablo wants to a) find a stepmom for his daughter and b) wants more kids.  He’s finding it hard to be a single dad and find a good mate, which I’d assume is just because he’s so good looking that he doesn’t ever settle down, but apparently, he’s ready to be a one-woman man and make more babies. I think there’s plenty of ladies out there looking for a little Latin flair in their life.  Juan Pablo seems a little overwhelmed/scared about the throngs of women yelling and screaming. I almost expected some panty flinging on stage.   I expect we’ll see a lot of kissing next season because Juan Pablo is a little hard to understand (though I don’t think the ladies will be complaining). We’ll have to wait until January to see how crazy it gets.

The Bachelorette Finale Recap – Desiree

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You remember where we left our Bachelorette last week, right?  A teary, blubbery mess.  In the start of this final episode, Desiree sits down with Chris Harrison, clearly heartbroken and still quite disheveled.

“I just want to go home, to be honest,” confesses Desiree.

When Chris Harrison brings up Drew and Chris, the remaining two princes who love love love her and want nothing but to sweep her off her feet, Desiree seems apathetic. But the show must go on, right?  Cue the hopeful music and right on time Desiree sings to the tune, agreeing to see Drew and Chris and continue on with the rose ceremony even though she’s devastated by Brooks’ departure.   The question on everyone’s mind is whether Brooks will be making a reappearance this episode because, really, how could she all of a sudden act like she’d be happy with either of the two consolation prizes remaining men.

Rose Ceremony – “And then there were two”

At the rose ceremony, Desiree puts on a strong face to tell both guys that even though Brooks has chosen to leave, she does not want his departure to affect the individual relationships she’s established with the two of them. But then she just about begs Chris and Drew to let her know if they don’t want the rose.  She’s obviously super paranoid that nobody likes her and she might be unlovable. However, as predicted, they both happily accept, albeit a tad bewildered by the sobfest they’ve just witnessed. (P.S. Is it just me or is Chris looking hunkier than his usual poetry-spouting self?)

Last Date with Drew

On their horseback riding date to the beach, Desiree is somber and sad, which is a stark contrast to Drew’s uppity “I’m so in love” stupor.  Drew is ready to tell Desiree that he’s not ever ever ever going to leave her and he can’t wait to meet her family and propose and start their happily ever after.  And just after he finishes a toast to being truly, madly, deeply in love, Desiree gives him the tried and true “we need to talk.”   Through whiny tears she tells him that she doesn’t know if she can see herself loving him the way he deserves to be loved. And as he sheds a few tears and mutters “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know” in response, he completely lets her off the hook by saying probably the classiest farewell speech ever:

“You don’t have to be sorry for not being in love with me; it’s not something you control, it just happens. Just because I see something, that doesn’t mean you have to feel it or see the same thing. And, I wouldn’t want that. I would want you to be as in love with me as I am with you.  It hurts. It hurts a lot. I don’t know. And I don’t know when it will really sink in but um…I guess this is goodbye.” – Drew, winner of the classiest departure ever award.

Chris

Desiree is hoping that spending some time with Chris will turn her frown upside down. She says that seeing Chris walk up made her feel hopeful and much different than she felt with Drew. Good sign. Chris gives Desiree an “I’ll be there for you” speech, which reminds Desiree that he’s the strong yet gentle soul she needs. They take a private catamaran ride, cuddling, kissing and chatting the whole time. Chris sees this time as validation and Desiree seems to be rediscovering what a great guy he is.

Feeling renewed in her spirit, Desiree is pleased that she continued on with Chris and has decided to open herself back up to the possibility of being with Chris. Still fragile with abandonment issues, Chris says some magic words when he tells her that he feels confident that in their relationship, he never feels like they take a step back and even when they are apart, they are able to pick right back up where they left off.  [See, if you recall, Brooks said that their time apart always felt like taking steps back to him. And the time apart wasn’t that hard.  So, it’s probably quite reassuring to Des to hear from Chris that he’s not feeling like that at all.]

Chris gifts a journal to Desiree with a poignant quote:

“The greatest thing in the world is not so much where we are but the direction of where we are going.”

Whoa. Well done, sir.  To top it off, he’s also hand written out all of the poems he’s written for her in the back of the journal.  Not my cup of tea, but since it’s something they’ve shared throughout their entire time together, it’s super sweet.  And now Des is teary because she feels so lucky that he loves her.  Sort of embarrassed, she admits that no one has ever loved her as much as she loved them so it’s been hard for her to recognize and accept such sincere and complete love from Chris.  And now she confesses that she feels like a total idiot guilty  for not fully loving him before, blinded by Brooks and his luscious locks.

Non-sequitor: Catherine and Sean Lowe are there at the taping with nothing profound to say, but then again, none of the past contestants they brought back say anything of value, so feel free to skip that part if you’ve got it on your DVR.

Meeting the Family

Dad, Mom and Brother are there to meet Chris. He comes across confident and personable, even while Brother grills Chris with a ton of questions.  I’m not even sure Mom gets a question in but luckily Dad asks Chris to step away with him for some one-on-one time. Chris makes it clear that he’s felt confident about his feelings for Des from early on before he asks Dad for permission to propose to Des. Dad happily gives his consent but not without a stern warning that he’d better take care of his baby girl.  You tell ’em, pop.

When Des sits down with Brother, he asks if she wants to marry Chris and her response makes me cringe: “at this moment, yeah.”  Brother isn’t as stupid as he seems and her poor choice of words makes him wonder whether her feelings might change or if she’s settling after losing Brooks. Brother says he likes Chris and thinks that Desiree is making the right choice, which is oddly supportive from what we’ve seen of him in the past.  Continuing to be surprisingly intuitive and caring in his questioning, Brother asks about Brooks and whether she’s disappointed and hurt and even ready to go forward with someone else.

The Final Rose & A Proposal

Neil Lane shows up with the rings (the best part, right?) and the one Chris picks is a stunner (but then again, aren’t they all?).  Desiree seems excited to know that Chris will be showing up to propose soon, but weirdly decides that before he gets down on one knee, he needs to know the truth about how she felt about Brooks.  Is it just me or does that seem like it’s totally going to ruin the moment?  Eek.

Chris gives a beautiful, beautiful speech to Desiree and just as he gets the courage to get down on one knee, she stops him so she can tell him that she sent Drew home earlier in the week and that he’s the only one left, he’s the only one who met her family. Yay!  But then she continues on, confessing to Chris that she was heartbroken when Brooks left because she was in love with him and it caused her to be torn between the two of them.  Boo!  But…then she realized that because she was so blindsided by his leaving, she wasn’t able to see what/who was right in front of her the whole time. Yay? And there it is, what Chris has been waiting for: an “I love you” from Desiree.  It sure took a weird road to get there, but I guess the point is they’re there.

And after some crying and laughing and kissing and lots of “I love you’s” exchanged, Chris finally gets down on one knee for real and asks her to marry him, to which she happily says “Yes…a thousand times!” (sounds like somebody’s been watching Pride & Prejudice and rehearsing their proposal acceptance!)

Want to know what happens After the Final Rose — read the recap!

The Bachelor Recap After the Final Rose – Sean

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It’s not five seconds after Sean sits down to talk with Chris Harrison that the women in the live audience are shouting “take off your shirt!”

When Chris keeps telling Sean what it was like to watch the proposal or see him say goodbye to Lindsay, I just wish Sean would say “I know, dude, I was there. I lived it.” But, he’s not that cool and he doesn’t. He just nods. And it’s lame.

Lindsay comes out rocking a white dress like any scorned ex-girlfriend would do at her ex-boyfriend’s engagement party on national television. And the dress is totally killer. And I was really hoping Possessionista had a link to where to buy it. And she did. Yay! But it’s $341. Boo. Looking all lovely, Lindsay just wants to know what happened and Sean still doesn’t have much to tell her aside from the fact that he’s in love with Catherine and he wants to spend his life with her.

Lindsay is poised and happy for Sean and thankful for her experience and what Sean has taught her and shown her about herself and about love. Lindsay says her faith is really what pulled her through. And I love that Chris Harrison points out how much America appreciated when Lindsay peeled off her heels so she could storm off after Sean broke up with her. That was awesome.

Catherine comes out flaunting her rock (which is hard not to do, I’d imagine. It’s big.) Odd that Lindsay wore white but Catherine is wearing black (maybe it’s navy?)…either way, diamonds win every time.

It’s no surprise that Sean and Catherine haven’t set a wedding date yet, but it’s also no surprise that ABC will be broadcasting their wedding soon. But perhaps a little unexpected since Ashley & JP’s wedding didn’t get great ratings. But maybe because this one is fresher and people are more interested since it sounds like it’ll be happening soon. So stay tuned for that.

The Next Bachelorette — Desiree

This summer Desiree is going to be the lucky lady handing out roses to gentleman suitors and going on extravagant dates. See you then for more recaps!

The Bachelor Recap – The Final Rose, Season 17 – Sean

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Bachelor Sean Final Rose Proposal

In order to make this season of the Bachelor “historic” the most exciting thing they could think to do is make the finale a whole three hours. Whoa.

Sean’s family meets him in Thailand to help him make his big decision, and instead of making him take his shirt off, women are swooning over the big bear hug Sean gives his niece and nephew upon seeing them arrive. A collective “awwww” was heard all across America.

Mom is apprehensive as Sean admits that he’s got strong feelings for both women, and Sean’s hope is that his family will provide some clarity.

Catherine Meets Sean’s Family

Catherine arrives and is very nervous because she knows how important Sean’s family is to him and how important family is to her. Pretty much, if today goes bad, she’s screwed. And she knows it.

“I played football in sixth grade. All boys and me; I was the only girl…And then I broke my arm…so I went onto cheerleading. And I got hurt way more.” – Catherine, winning dad over.

Mom asks Catherine flat out if it’s love and Catherine shares her side of their love story and what she’s most proud of: how good she feels about herself when she’s with him. Mom is pleased. And relieved.

“I am consumed by him. Very much so.” — Catherine, explaining her love for Sean to his dad.

“How do you know for sure that you really are in love before you get married?” — Sean’s dad with the tough questions.

Her response: “For me, it’s just been being my complete self and giving myself to him, and him to me. I know we’ll experience hardships…but I’m a fighter.”

“If it’s you that Sean ends up marrying, you will never have a bigger fan than me. And that’s the truth. Okay? I’ll love you like my daughter. And there’s gonna be no holding that back. And I’ll support you.” — Sean’s dad saying the sweetest thing that’s ever been said on this show. Ever.

Sean says he can see himself marrying Catherine. Buuuut…he can also see himself marrying Lindsay.

Lindsay Meet’s Sean’s Family

It seems to be going swimmingly with the fam — everyone is all smiles and giggles.

Again, Sean’s dad asks: “how do you know that you’re truly in love for life before you get married?”

Her response: “I just know. I want to hang out with him. I want to hang out with him for the rest of my life. He challenges me. He gets me. He is so supportive. He makes me feel beautiful. He is everything I’ve been looking for and more.”

More hard questions from dad, like this one: “What does a married couple do in a situation where one’s got their mind made up and the other one says ‘I don’t know’?”

Lindsay’s answer: “Well, marriage is compromise. You have to work with each other. It’s a lot of prayer, communication, and trying to figure out where we can meet in the middle.”

Dad’s retort: “Would you talk to my wife?!” Ha! Funny guy!

“When Sean was born, we began on that day praying for his wife. And so we prayed every day for her. Wherever she was. And you know, sometimes you wonder when you look in someone’s eyes – like yours – you wonder is that the one I’ve been praying for all these years? And if it is, I couldn’t be more happy. I just want you to know that.” — Sean’s dad. Sweetest thing ever said on this show #2. Wow. This guy is smooth.

Lindsay scores points with mom talking about her values and how important family is to her. Mom loves her.

“I think Lindsay is a perfect fit for me. And I’m glad that my family got to see how much she loves me. Lindsay makes me feel loved, and that’s such an incredible feeling.” – Sean

Family Matters

“It’s a win-win. They’re both very special. They’ll fit right in. We like ’em both.” — the collective family opinion.

Talking with mom, Sean — in a very respectful way — tells mom that he needs her support more than he needs her opinion. She cries a bit, worried about how big of a deal a proposal should be in his life. Mom believes that if he doesn’t know by now, he shouldn’t propose to either one.

Sean’s family leaves after being absolutely no help to him for they, too, love both Lindsay and Catherine. Well, it was worth a shot.

Lindsay’s Last Date

The couple takes a raft ride down the brown river and it all seems very rural minus the champagne. Sean and Lindsay act goofy and make out a lot. I don’t think we’ve ever seen this serious side Lindsay swears they have. I see the goofy. I see the sucking face. A lot.

“I can picture you being a hot old chick.” — Sean to Lindsay.

Lindsay is overwhelmed and excited and scared by how much she loves Sean and how close she is to getting everything she’s ever wanted in life. I’m a bit worried for her as well. She’s got a 50/50 chance at getting what she wants. But, she seems like the kind of gal that would be okay if this didn’t work out for her. Like she wouldn’t need to ask Chris Harrison for a reference to that therapist Brad was toting around his whole season. But, if she decided to go off the deep end a bit, she can swim around there with AshLee, who would be happy to have some company for a while.

Sean tells Lindsay not to be nervous, trying to reassure her, which seems nice but if she’s not the one in the end, well, it’s this sorta stuff that’s going to haunt her.

Lindsay has made three paper lanterns for them to light and release into the sky — Love, Happiness, and Family — the three things she says she and Sean need in their relationship to last forever. And at this moment, Sean says he thinks Lindsay is the girl for him. (But then, there’s always tomorrow!)

Catherine’s Last Date

Seans says he’s looking for a sign that Catherine is the one. I think the fact that she got the purple memo is a good one. Also, the first thing she gushes to Sean about is the fact that she got to touch an elephant walking around the resort the day before. And Sean can hardly contain his excitement to reveal that they’ll be riding an elephant that day. So cool! I want one. [Side note: I read an article where Chris Harrison said “elephants are the new helicopters. helicopters are so last season.” Ha! That’s about the funniest thing he’s ever said. Ever.]

The end of their elephant ride puts them atop a tall treehouse type structure where the conversation seems to be a little more serious than it was with Lindsay. Catherine confides that she’s been trying not to think too much about the future so as not to have her hopes crushed, however, she feels she’s in a good place and that she should be excited about those things. Confidence is good. Sean doesn’t seem to have it, so maybe that’s what he’s looking for in one of the girls.

Quite confidently, Catherine tells Sean that the only way she can see this story ending is with her accepting his proposal. Catherine follows Sean out crying after he leaves because she needs to be reassured but he’s clearly not going to give her what she needs. Frustrating.

It looks like she gave him a gift, but we don’t get to see what it was. A scrapbook? A collection of poems? All of their love notes?

The Man With the Rings

My favorite man from The Bachelor arrives: Neil Lane. The guy that shows up with diamonds is always going to be the best guy in my book. Neil shows Sean some fancy schmancy diamond engagement rings for the girl he says he woke up that morning and realized he couldn’t live without. It appears Sean chooses a cushion cut with micro-pave sides — what Neil calls “very romantic and classically made.” Good choice. They should really make that segment longer. Cut out the studio audience and show us more engagement rings!

Before the Proposal/Break-Up

Sean is emotional telling us how happy he is he took a leap of faith and decided to go through everything he’s been through to get here. He’s excited and ready to start his life with the woman he loves. And he’s crying a lot.

Lindsay is also happy and excited about how much her life is going to change, whereas Catherine’s mood seems a bit more somber — she’s crying because of how intense the unknown is right now.

Lindsay can’t imagine her life without Sean and she hopes her intuition is right. Catherine is confused and unsure if she’s ready.

[Side note: I’m not going to talk about the live show parts of the episode — so lame, right? And not sure why Lesley, Sarah, AshLee and Jackie were brought back, except maybe to throw people off the scent of the new Bachelorette. Hmmmm…]

Sean says he has absolutely no reason to be breaking up with the girl he’s saying goodbye to…and the girl that steps out of the limo is Lindsay. Poor girl has no clue what’s coming; she thinks she’s getting a really fancy ring, when instead she’s getting an empty goodbye. I guess it doesn’t matter who shows up in a wedding dress, it really only matters who ends up in one.

Lindsay’s Goodbye

Sean: “You have been such a surprise. I didn’t see our relationship coming…I didn’t know the depth I would find. Every time I’m with you, I’m so amazed. I’m amazed by your strength, your courage, your love, your generosity. You…you blow me away. You really do. Um…” (and now she knows) “…Lindsay, this is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do. I want to give you my heart so bad. But my heart is leading me somewhere else, and as of yesterday, I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve been so confused. I’ve been searching for clarity, and praying for clarity, and I think I’ve finally gotten it. Now I have to say goodbye to you. And, it’s by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do because I know how incredible you are.”

And that’s where he should have ended his speech and said goodbye. But he didn’t. He continued with this:

Sean: “And, I love you. That’s the hardest part. I love you. I know I do. I’m sorry.”

Lindsay: “It’s okay. Please, just don’t. It’s okay.”

Sean: “I think it’s important that you to know how hard this is for me because you’ve supported me from the very beginning…”

Lindsay: “Stop. Just, no, stop. Just leave. It’s okay. Was it me?”

Sean: “What I can promise you is: it’s not you. And, when it comes down to it, I just…I can’t think of one thing you don’t possess that I don’t need in a wife. I’m so sorry.”

Lindsay: “Oh my gosh. Okay, well, I’m going to go. Because this is just really painful. This is my nightmare. I really didn’t see this coming so um, I’m happy for you. I’m happy that you found love but I honestly can’t imagine my life without you and that’s something that um, I’m going to have to figure out.”

And I love that Lindsay takes off her heels so she can walk out faster. Smart move.

Sean: “Lindsay, I just want you to know how much you mean to me and I feel so blessed to have gotten to know you. Sorry.”

Lindsay: “Good luck.”

Lindsay’s car ride is a rough one. It’s true it’s not fair.

Catherine’s Letter

After Sean says a tearful goodbye to Lindsay, Chris delivers a letter from Catherine. Well, I guess it’s only fitting as she’s been giving him little love notes all season long. Adorable.

The Proposal

Sean: “This has been such a crazy journey and there have been so many unexpected, wonderful moments with you. I knew from the very beginning that you were someone I wanted to be around I just had no idea that my feelings were going to turn into what they’ve turned into. You never cease to amaze me. You never do. I think the world of you and I miss you. Every time we have to say goodbye I miss you. I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you anymore. Catherine, I want to spend the rest of my life telling you I love you and making you feel like the most special, beautiful woman in the world. (On one knee) Catherine, will you marry me?”

“Yes!” she gasps!

“I love you so much,” he whispers in her ear as they hug.

Catherine: “Oh my gosh this is so…oh my gosh…is this for real?”

Sean: “I love you so much. I do. I’m going to tell you every day. I promise you that.”

And then I just love when she says “I’m so addicted to you.” How darling. And with that, Sean gives Catherine the final rose. And they ride off into the sunset. On an elephant.

The Bachelorette recap, the final rose – Emily

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It’s our first weekend in Virginia and we were a bit late coming back from playing with Baxter at Pony Pasture and I was sure we wouldn’t miss anything because they’d be recapping the whole season for 25 minutes but apparently Jef meeting the family took a whole 6 minutes at the start of the show…just when you think you can rely on Chris Harrison, he goes and gets divorced and you can’t count on his useless rehashing. Maybe he’s given up on love altogether. Sad story.

So we miss Jef meeting the ‘rents but catch it in time to learn Jef made a great impression. Ari fumbles through his first greeting, rambling a bit too much but winning them over gushing about Emily and bringing every rose she’s given him in a nice little box.  Aww…sweet

The first thing of importance this episode is Dad establishing that “you can’t love two people at the same time.”  I’m telling Mumbles I think Emily has an easy out because she can not pick either of them or pick both of them and walk away clean saying “I had to be careful because I have a daughter to think about and I can’t just rush into an engagement…” and the next thing we know Emily’s mom says the same thing and she proceeds to say it herself. Hmmm…

Emily says she’s stressed. Jef says he is not. He is sure and confident but he hasn’t met Ricki. And all Emily says about that is “it’s a big decision,” alluding that she’s even scared now just to introduce her to the two remaining guys. Jef can tell something is amiss and asks if Emily has confidence. She says yes. I say no. They sit in awkward silence and Emily says she wasn’t planning on introducing Ricki to anyone but because she feels so confident, she wants them to meet.  Who’s betting we’ll be hearing this same speech with Ari? Oh, everyone? Okay, cool.

Jef’s high five meet and greet with Ricki iclimactic inch a letdown. He wins her over and we know it when she asks her mom if Jef can come play in the pool. Aww. Emily says Jef exceeded her expectations and that he’d be the best father and the best husband.

“There’s a little bit of real life that’s happened in this whole situation.” -Jef (not putting enough emphasis on the “little”)

Jef and Emily’s last night together is sweet. There’s no big declaration or anything but they both seem happy and comfortable.

Jef buys a Curaçao coffee table book as his last grand gesture gift and I’m thinking “cool book, bro” until he shows her he’s drawn stick figures throughout the book. Better.

The morning after her date with Jef, Emily calls Chris over to chat. She explains that she feels split between the two and doesn’t know what to do. But then she says that spending time with Jef and Ricki together made her see that he’s the one and she didn’t even question what their life would be like because that was exactly what it would be.

Emily says she can’t sit with Ari all day without feeling awful because she’s positive it’s Jef so she needs to tell Ari that as much as she loves him, she loves someone else a little more.  See, Dad knows best!

Mumbles is asking me how this usually goes down and I explain that usually the Bachelor/Bachelorette waits until their #2 is teary eyed, all mushy and lovestruck, down on one knee ready to propose before breaking it to the poor sap that they are not “the one.” At this point, I regret some of my snarkiness about Emily if she actually shows some class and tells Ari the truth (and makes it last with Jef, because lets be real: this woman does not have a good track record, my friends).

“I’m getting engaged tomorrow.” -Ari, who is incorrect

“That moment when Emily looks in my eyes and can express how she feels is going to feel so good.” – Ari, again incorrect

Emily gets out of the SUV to meet Ari who’s completely oblivious and wrong about everything and she’s crying already. Yet she still kisses him and tells him she missed him! She sits him down and starts balling and squeaking, shaking her head. Ari is catching on even though she’s not speaking in full sentences. And instead of coming out and saying it she hesitates but its enough to let on that yesterday’s date with Jef tipped her scales the other way and so he tells her she doesn’t have to say it. Lets her off easy so she can continue crying, and then she looks at him hopefully like he’ll say something to make it all better. Ugh.

“I did for so long think it was going to be me and you.” -Emily, not helping

He realizes there’s nothing left to say, tells her as such, gives her a kiss on the cheek and says goodbye, thanking her for sparing him the embarrassment of tomorrow, and walks away. She runs after him, crying all the while, and he tells her she’s not going to get the “goodbye, good luck” she’s after. And appropriately so. I don’t think anyone expects him to give her that and I’d say he was more than a gentleman about it.  Fare thee well, Ari. In the words of the funny (but not PG movie) Old School (earmuffs/eyemuffs?) when Ari gets home, he’s “gonna get so much ass…like hot boy band ass.” True story.

“I still believe that she’s the love of my life which is what is so painful.” – Ari, heartbroken

Jef meets Neil Lane to pick out a fancy schmancy ring.  Me likely the pink gold ring Neil shows Jef. (you can disregard that, as I said that out loud as I wrote it so Mumbles could take note.)

“I love Emily but I don’t want to propose to Emily if she’s going to say no.” – Jef
“I’m not 100% sure I want to get engaged.” – Emily
“If Jef proposed, I’m not really sure that I’d be able to do it.” – Emily
“I’m not gonna be the girl that gets engaged 15 times before she gets married.” -Emily, who seems like she’s on her way there

Does anyone else think their proposal stage is in an odd spot? In the middle of a random hotel/motel/village…?

And then the rehearsed speeches:

“You really are everything that I’ve looked for for so long. You really are my soul mate…I love you so so much. So much.” -Emily

“I feel like the luckiest man in the world… I think God puts the right people in our lives when the timing is just right, and I feel that with us, I feel like the timing is just right….I am so grateful that you tried one more time [for love] because I found my everything, and I’m so in love with you and I promise you, Emily, that if you let me into your life and into Ricki’s life that you’ll never be lonely again. I love you, Emily…” -Jef
(Mumbles thinks Jef’s notes were written on his hand.)

“What I’m about to ask you aren’t just empty words…what I’m about to ask you is a forever thing…Emily, will you marry me?” -Jef, on bended knee

“Yes.” -Emily, after a lot of hesitation and then really the most unromantic thing that could ever be said after a proposal and some kissing: “we’re gonna make it work.” Totally ruined it, lady!

After the engagement, Ricki comes running in (in a dress not nearly as formal as the occasion called for)…and Emily says “hey, Ricki” and then the three of them just walk off together (not nearly as informational as the situation called for)…no “this is my boyfriend”…or “hey, Jef just asked me to marry him and I said yes…” or “hey, Ricki, remember Jef from two days ago?” Poor kid.

After the Final Rose:

  • Emily gushes about Jef and her new sparkly diamond when she comes out to meet Chris.
  • Ari is there and he says watching the show really helped to understand everything. He was completely taken by surprise because physical attraction aside, he felt like they had great conversations and had a future planned.
  • Side note: What’s up with the big crease and bump in the midsection of her hair?
  • Ari says he got home and knew he couldn’t be himself around his friends and about the town without letting on that he was heartbroken so he flew to Charlotte to see Emily to either get closure or get a new start. He says he got there but thought better of it (after you paid and flew there…really?) because he respects Jef and respects Ricki…so instead he just called her (presumably like a creepster from an SUV with tinted windows parked across the street from her house) and left his journal at her house for her to read. But she didn’t read it. Because she respects him. Oh, geez. Ari thought when she read the journal she would know he was genuine and how he really felt about her. But she didn’t.

“Had Jef not been there, it would be me and Ari sitting here, so happy.” – Emily, not helping Ari feel good about being friends with Jef

  • Ari is happy for Emily and Jef. He says he’s doing good but I don’t quite believe him.  Ari said he talks to Jef on the phone, which he admits is kinda crazy but it helped him to understand how happy they are.

And the man of the hour himself arrives:
“We are happy and in love.” – Jef, with a smile
On the awkward amount of time it took Emily to respond to Jef’s proposal? (Chris timed it: Emily made him wait 10 seconds. That’s a long time.): “I don’t know…but I was scared and I don’t want to be the girl that gets engaged a bunch of times and never gets married.” – Emily, who, let’s be honest, just really loved that sparkly ring.

Heres the scoop: Jef is moving to Charlotte so they don’t have to uproot Ricki and it makes sense because he can work from anywhere (but she doesn’t work at all so it would probably make even more sense and really show her commitment to “making this work” if she just moved to Utah, right?), they are already planning a wedding, they want it to be in Charleston, maybe in the spring but she doesn’t want to say when because she doesn’t want to be held to it. Well, good luck with that. I’m not so confident we’ll be watching your ABC special next year.

It’s been a good season, my friends, wouldn’t you say? Are you happy with Emily’s choice and with Jef’s decision to propose? Think we’ll see a wedding next year?

If you’re a Bachelor Pad viewer, have fun with that hot mess of shenanigans. As you may have read, Mumbles, Baxter and I are temporarily in Virginia for work so I hope you’ll stick with me while I share about our life here on the east coast.  Thanks for your continued support and encouragement. See you next season!