The Bachelorette Recap episode 3, season 7

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by Jennifer | Stick Girl JAM

Wow, what a show. It’s hard to believe we’re only in episode 3 (let alone only in the second week of Ashley knowing these guys) and already the tears are flowing, biggest insecurities are being realized, hearts are breaking, and our villain is going home – so soon!. [pssssttt…i heard a rumor that he’ll be back!!] Maybe ABC wasn’t so crazy last season hiring that therapist to make regular house calls. They oughta think about hiring that guy full time on call. Here’s how it all happened:

The first one-on-one date was with Ben C, the french lawyer, nay flash mob dancer! Ashley takes Ben to a dance studio to learn the dance moves she’s choreographed for a secret flash mob dance (which immediately made us think of this awesome commercial – speaking of which, AT&T is really spot on with brilliant commercials lately – my other favorite is this one) she has planned at The Americana at Brand, a lovely outdoor shopping mall. Ben is smitten with Ashley having seen her in the dance studio where she’s so comfortable, confident and sexy (oh, Benny Boop, just wait until later when the insecure Ashley resurfaces!). Whilst they’re lounging in the grass in the middle of the shopping center, random passersby all with their phones out to snap photos of the darling couple, Ashley states that she’d really like to do their dance. Right now. Ben. Is. Freaked. But, all in the name of love, right? He gets up and rocks that dance and soon notices that the gawkers are now joining in too. Here’s my version of what’s going on in Boring Ben’s mind strictly interpreted via eyebrow movements and anxiety in the eyes: “Wait, how do they know this dance? Does everyone know this dance and I only just learned it? Oh…oh, I see what’s going on here – this here was planned! Ashley, you trickster!” Now Ben is having fun. My favorite part is when the dance has ended and everyone just walks away nonchalantly like nothing happened. Not even a hug it out, high five or “good job, bro.” Other than that, the BFOTB and I decide that we NEED to be part of a flash mob. Heidi’s gonna come (Note: Heidi and BFOTB Ashley are big fans of the choreographed dance having created and performed a marvelous one at the wedding of yours truly and Mumbles. It was thoroughly enjoyed by all.) and you can come too – “bring your green hat!” Flash Mob America – write that down.

Next part of this date is a live performance by the Far East Movement. The Bachelorette and her lawyerman (who BFOTB thinks looks just like the bad guy/backstabbing friend Carl from Ghost, right?!) have a nice little kiss in the crowd to the background of a collective “awww…”

Ben from The Bachelorette & Carl from Ghost

Ben explains his unrealistic views about love to Ashley: “I want to live in an idealistic bubble where we believe we are more in love than any other couple. Ever.” That’s intense. He softens that up a bit by saying he’d like to go on a second date with her. She gives him the rose and then they suck face for a while.

Group Date: Ames, Ben F., Mike, Blake, Jeff the Phantom, Lucas, Nick, Ryan, Wills & Bentley – “Make me laugh”

Phantom Jeff is perched on his balcony and today is the day the mask is coming off. The unveiling is quite underwhelming but entertaining too. A) because I already know what he looks like and B) He’s not attractive nor does he have any jarring facial disfigurements to have really warranted the “get to know me without my looks” phase for so long and C) I realize he’s had that mask custom made to fit his face/large nose. Ashley, too, is disappointed when she only says “He’s a lot older than I thought he was.” Not a good sign. Blake says it best comparing it to “when someone tells you ‘I got a surprise’ and you open up the present and there’s not much there.” Well said, sir.

The large group heads to a comedy club to meet with Jeffrey Ross, the Roastmaster. And everything goes south from here. In front of a sold out house, all these guys are going to be tearing Ashley apart. Not a brilliant idea of a date for such an insecure lad. We learn Wills’ life aspiration is to become a comedian so he’s using this like an audition. Lucas the oilman has a good plan – play it safe. Best to not impress than to offend. Smart man. My favorite line was naming Phantom Jeff as Zorro’s unemployed brother. For someone who has only spoken about 10 words to Ashley and just revealed his face, he gets ballsy and makes a rude comment about her small breasts. One of the guys said it was like “Whoop, here’s my face; you have small titties.” Inappropriate. Bentley, ever the chivalrous man he is, defends Ashley’s small boobies because she has the butt to make up for it. Class act, that guy. Wills gets his shot at glory to impress the Roastmaster and completely bombs, telling the crowd how disappointed he was to find Ashley as the new Bachelorette instead of Chantal or Emily. Bentley is surprised Wills said that out loud…he’s been thinking it all along, too, but just couldn’t believe Wills actually said it. The audience is silent. Not even the crickets are chiming in. Whoa, awkward. After the show, Ashley quickly exits the stage and finds a dark corner to cry in. Bentley uses the opportunity to mess with her head and console her. Meant to sound like a reassuring compliment he says, “Of 25 guys, I can promise you 24 were really excited it was you.”

Of all the guys, Wills is the one that almost married Ashley on date 1 so she was most hurt that he would say those things at her expense. Instead of trying to make it up to her he just quits and tells her to go talk to the other guys, even saying that he’d go home to pack. He leaves the party to go brood on a bench somewhere and then wait….he’s running! We were hoping at this point for him to come storming in out of breath but instead he apparently just ran back to sulk on a stairwell closer to her.

Ryan comes to the rescue all sweet and sugary, telling her that she is exactly who he wanted to be there. He finishes by throwing in a “you’re gorgeous” and a nice long kiss. Just what the dentist ordered!

Ashley gets some alone time with Bentley and confesses that she received warnings about his intentions prior to their meeting. Bentley correctly guesses that these warnings came from [crazy] Michelle Money from Brad’s season. Apparently, according to Michelle, Bentley was coming on the show to promote his business and would only stick around a few weeks. Bentley’s job occupation title reads “Businessman.” (As in “Excuse me, do you have any businesswomen’s specials?”…movie title anyone? anyone?!) Ashley makes it known to Bentley that if he leaves it would be harder for her than anything she went through last season. Bentley says they’re both on the same page. [Liar] “Definitely feelin’ some feelings.” [Insert evil grin] Ashley says she’s falling in love with Bentley right on time for Bentley to declare in his confessional that he doesn’t want to be here anymore. The next morning he’s packing his bags and Phantom Mask-less Jeff is quite the counselor asking Bentley if he’s sure he has to go, prompting him further by telling him (as if he didn’t know) that he’s a front runner and Ashley likes him more than all the other guys. There’s that evil grin again. Bentley is quite pleased he’s played everyone.

My favorite quote: “I’m gonna make Ashley cry; I hope my hair looks okay.” I’m seriously starting to wonder if this guy isn’t Michelle Money’s ex-husband. What a pair!

After calling Ashley an ugly duckling (not to her face, of course) compared to Emily, he concocts a story about missing his daughter (Cozy) and being consumed by worry that she’s missing him and asking about him. I imagine Cozy’s mother has already had a version of this conversation with her daughter that goes something like this “Oh, he’s off in Hollywood breaking some girl’s heart on national television, Cozy, that’s where daddy is right now. But don’t you worry, sweetie, it won’t take that long. He’ll be back before you know it!” Bentley is annoyed beyond belief at all the tears and hugging and crying and kissing he’s having to put up with right now. He gets a little more interested when Ashley straddles him, legs around his waist noting “something good could happen right now [read: sex]…but I’m not into her.” He demands that Ashley leave a “dot dot dot” [an open loophole for him to return to cause more mischief later this season, I presume]. She’s hopeful. He leaves with one last touch of the glass that separates them and then Ashley retreats under the covers and sobs into her pillows. A lot.

That night she’s got a romantic dinner at home date lined up with JP. Frankly, she looks like hell because she’s been crying all day. Ever the gentleman, he brings flowers and tells her how beautiful she looks. He’s quite the looker, this one. BFOTB has narrowed him down to a cross between Joseph Gordon Levitt and Heath Ledger. Sure. He’s pretty. And, also very understanding that she’s had a rough few days so he asks her if she’s okay and then transitions to making the night about them, all while making sure she’s comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, that they both change into their pajamas. PJ’s with JP! Cute. Ashley is thankful that JP let her be herself and have a bad day. They have some romantic kissing moments on the plush bear skin rug and she’s mesmerized for a little while.

Cocktail party comes around and Ashley is back to being devastated. She thought Bentley was going to be her husband and now is at a loss for how to continue being the Bachelorette. Broken hearted, she’s talking to Chris Harrison and I actually like the role he’s playing for once, trying to help her navigate through the Bentley crap. See, no need to hire a therapist if Chris Harrison does his job right! Chris asks if she was just attracted to Bentley because he was forbidden from the beginning. Doing his best, he’s trying to steer her away from Bentley, letting her down easy with the honest truth that there is no dot dot dot and that if Bentley really was a good guy and wanted to be there, he would have said he was coming back. Also a nice time to remind her that there are plenty of other good looking fellas in the other room dying to see her. She could care less and opts to skip the cocktail party and get to sending some guys packing.

Rose Ceremony:
Boring Ben C., the bad guy from Ghost
Ryan P, the solar energy specials (received the group date rose for his good kissin’ and consoling skills)
JP (received a one-on-one date rose on a bear skin rug by the fire)
Constantine
West
Mickey
Ben F.
Blake, the dentist
Nick
Ames
Lucas, the oilman
Wills (kind of a shocker, but hey, masked man had to go!)

The Phantom Jeff burns his mask in the fire. I’m almost a little sad because I feel like he probably spent some cash on having that custom made for the show. Maybe he’s writing a research paper about awkward social situations.

Next week: Thailand, elephants, kayaking, boat rides, man claws, and everyone hates Ryan P.

P.S. The clip at the end of the show of the masked man on the toilet looking through the classified ads in the paper to find a car or a boat is hilarious. All this is happening whilst Bentley does his hair. “The boat doesn’t have an engine or a steering wheel – think it’s worth it? …it’s only a hundred bucks!” …end scene.

1Jun2011

The Bachelorette Recap episode 2, season 7

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by Jennifer | Stick Girl JAM

Well, friends, sorry to keep you waiting on this week’s recap. The holiday weekend threw me off a bit, and then when I finally sat down to watch it at home, found that it hadn’t recorded! eek! So, let’s jump right in, shall we?

The very first one-on-one date: “William, wanna make a splash in Vegas? I do. Love, Ashley.” One sexy car and a private plane ride later and Ashley and William arrive in Vegas…to taste wedding cake. Seriously, how disappointed would you be if you were this guy? No gambling, no dancing, no pools and bikinis, no show…just visibly sweating at the prospect of picking out wedding cake flavors. Total let down. He’s red in the face even more than before as they walk in a jewelry store to look at engagement rings. Wait a minute…! Next, it’s clammy hands as the ring store lady tries a wedding band on his ring finger. Ashley and Wills walk hand-in-hand, one with a nervous grin, the other a sly smile as they enter a little wedding chapel. Vegas wedding appropriate, Ashley is already wearing a white mini dress. She walks down the aisle one step at a time. This has escalated rather quickly. Wills interrupts because things don’t just look right – he’s got it – she needs a bouquet! So, he comes to the rescue handing her a vase full of flowers sitting nearby. Just darling. When the prompt comes from the minister (seriously, they couldn’t even get Elvis?!), Wills says “I do.” It’s a game of chicken gone terribly awry as Ashley is shocked he went through with it and then its extremely awkward when she has to say a version of “I don’t… right now…maybe later.” Nevertheless, the minister gives Wills permission to kiss his “almost bride.” And they do. Ashley says it’s the most romantic date ever and that she’s already falling for Wills after half of a date.

After that sham of a marriage (well, at least she got that out of the way), Ashley tells Wills that they’re doing something no one has ever done before – having dinner in the middle of the water of the Bellagio fountains. No one has done it yet, but I can’t wait to see how much they start charging now.

Ever the salesman, Wills talks himself up in a self-depricating sort of way letting her know “I’m not a lawyer, I’m not a doctor, I don’t save lives…I bring communication to people.” Well said, sir. Probably the best way you could have said that you’re a cell phone salesman. Wills shares his story about his family and his father, an alcoholic who died, and how he wears the watch that stopped at the time his dad died until this day as a reminder to not let his time go by. Ashley shares that her father, too, is an alcoholic, and now she’s feeling even closer to him than she did after almost marrying him. Ashley tells Wills that she sees everything in him – they have a sweet kiss, he’s giddy. “I’m gonna do everything I can to make you this happy” was a cute line but it went a little overboard with “my heart/love/something mushy went higher than those fountains.”

The next date card arrives. Constantine, Ryan M, Chris, Ben F, Nick, Bentley, West, Lucas, Stephen, Blake, Matt, and Ames are all headed on a group date that says “In Sin City, boys will be boys.” Ryan, Mickey, Ben C, Phantom, and JP are the only men not going to Vegas…yet. Well, we presume some will be left out of course. My bet is on Phantom, although, masks in Vegas wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, I guess. Ashley takes the huge group of guys to see the Jabbawockeez perform. They are split into two teams that must perform then compete against each other – the winning team staying to spend time with Ashley and rehearse with the dance crew for a live show. The two teams, “The Best Men” and “No Rhythm Nation,” choreograph their own dance routines – one emulating a rose ceremony, the other a wedding ceremony…two things Bentley could care less about.

The Best Men crew was sent home back to the mansion to pout while No Rhythm Nation gets to perform on stage, fulfilling the need for their huge egos to hear the sounds of a roaring crowd cheering them on (albeit not really for them, but I guess it still counts). After a successful show, they have a party and Ashley spends one-on-one time with each guy.

She bonds with Blake over their shared profession.
West tells Ashley that he was married and his wife died. West appreciates that Ashley responded as well as she did.
Bentley recognizes competition, notes in detail Ashley’s attractive body parts and says something inappropriate about something she could do that would be “amazing.” Ugh.
Ashley tells Bentley to stay if he feels something for her because she feels something for him. She starts begging. It’s embarrassing. Bentley is bored. So am I.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion Wills jokes with the other guys that his fiancé went out with 12 other guys, they’ve already picked out rings and a wedding cake.

In Vegas, Ashley gives Bentley the group date rose. Eww. Clearly enthused, he asks, “can we just bag this and go play blackjack?” But of course, not to her face.

The final date card for this episode says “Love is a gamble…I’ll see one of you in Vegas.” And it’s a coin toss to see who is going on a one-on-one to see Ashley in Vegas.

Mickey [possibly evil], the chef, is the victor. He flies to Vegas to meet her and Ashley looks super cute greeting him at the airport in her shiny blouse and white blazer. Ashley thinks Mickey is gorgeous (better looking than she is, even) and I agree. To continue the gambling theme, she decides to use a coin to decide everything for their date. Red or white? I go, you go. They are at Aureole, a restaurant with really awesome tall wine cellar where you have to harness yourself up to get the wine you want. Looks fun! Another flip of the coin to answer questions and the first thing he asks “when was the last time you cried?” and she says that it was while she was watching last season and hearing all the criticism.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion – some guy I don’t know/can’t remember says about Phantom,“You’ve got a mask on to concentrate on personality…but if all he’s going on is personality, well, he’s going home.” True.

Mickey cleans up but Ashley doesn’t change. For a lady who just confessed your date looks better than you, I was really expecting a wardrobe change, although I did like the outfit. They walk into a really awesome strip-view suite for dinner. Mickey says his mother died six years ago – sounds like he was a big momma’s boy, too, which Ashley loves. Mickey says his mother’s death had a positive impact on his life because of the amazing woman she was, and the person she has inspired him to become.

JP is pissed off he lost a date on a coin toss. Get over it.

Ashley is holding a rose in her hands and tells Mickey she likes him but she doesn’t know how she is feeling so she says she wants to flip a coin to see if he’ll get a rose or not. Mickey is sweating a little bit but she says she was going to give it to him anyway. Mickey asks to keep the coin, along with the rose.

Ashley wanted to walk on the beach (what girl on a first date or taking her engagement photos doesn’t?) so they take a romantic stroll on the beach of the Mandalay Bay and out of nowhere music starts and Colbie Caillat is singing and Ashley and Mickey have a little kiss fest. Mickey says he hopes it’s the last first date he ever goes on. Ashley says it was a perfect night.

JP pulls Ashley away the second the glasses clink at the cocktail party. JP pulls a coin out of his pocket and says he wants a kiss so he flips it, gets his kiss and Ashley promises that they’ll have more good times in the future. There ya go, whiner.

Matthew McConaughey teaches Ashley some country line dance moves and then Wills (whom the men have affectionately dubbed Ding Dong) sneaks in and the men were pissed because he already has a rose. Ashley and Wills both gush over how perfect their date was, then they kiss and creepy Phantom prowls around the house sulking, preparing to reveal himself.

Phantom corners the Bachelorette in the stairwell, full of shadows and eerie awkwardness. He starts listing off his life stats – his age, his medical chart, his divorcee status, the fact that he doesn’t take life for granted, and…wah la…the unveiling is interrupted when Matt strolls in to steal her away. Haha…best producer intervene ever!

The other men wonder and poke fun at Phantom by asking “How are you going to feel knowing she never even saw your face?” haha!

Ben C, the square jaw lawyer who is trying to be a jokester. I don’t think I like him but it’s hard to tell.

Bentley says he would rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with Ashley because she’s not his type… but he’s competitive so when he realizes that all the other guys have had kisses he storms in to find her, picks her up and carries her down to the fireplace to claim his victory. Ashley says it was like a fairybook romance but Bentley proclaims it an “okay kiss that got worse at the end.” Sounds like love to me.

“I’d be lying to everyone if I said I’m in this until the end. There’s no way I’m lasting until the end.” [duh. And you’re not leaving without some huge blow up scandal] – Bentley, the bad boy.

Rose Ceremony:

Wills, the impersonator
Bentley, the bad boy
Mickey, possibly not evil
West, the widower
Constantine, the restaurant owner
Ryan P, the Solar Energy Specialist
Ben C, the romantic lawyer
Nick, the Matthew Mcconaughey wannabe
Ames, the Ivy Leaguer
Lucas, the Texas Oil Man
Jeff, the Phantom
JP, the coin toss kisser
Chris
Ben F, the winemaker
Blake, the dentist

The Rejects (all from The Best Men crew, coincidentally):

The guy that called his mom in the first episode calls his mom again after getting sent home and asks her to pick him up at the airport, give him some love and make him French toast. That was cute. Maybe a little too “Maaa, the meatloaf!!” but makes for good tv nonetheless.
Stephen the hairstylist seems normal in his exit interview – sad to see the normal ones go.
Ryan M., seems cute and very sad to be going home. Also seems a little too grounded in reality…better luck in the real world, bud.

Next week: a flash mob and concert of some sort, Bentley determined to make Ashley cry, a broken heart hiding under covers while Bentley proclaims victory for “doing something that’s never been done before.” Blech. Good riddance.

Cheers!

24May2011

The Bachelorette Recap episode 1, season 7

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by Jennifer | Stick Girl JAM

This season’s opening sequence immediately has my friend Marisa reaching for her wine glass, noting she hadn’t sufficiently prepared herself mentally, clearly forgetting how awkward this show is. Cue Ashley dancing in an empty theater, running up the stairs a la Rocky (complete with cheering at the top), leading a dance class, and then walking soulfully barefoot by the beach.

“She’s clearly not from here. You can’t not wear shoes in LA. Gross.”
– Marisa

And here comes what is sure to be the biggest outrage of the season – we can’t even get through the intro sequence without a guy wishing Ashley was Emily. Us too, kinda.

And now we meet the men:

Ryan P, a solar energy specialist says “the only thing not perfectly sunny in his life is love” and “the only thing stronger than the sun is love.” Was he made for this show or what?
JP is a construction manager who for some odd reason reminds me of Barney from HIMYM so I like him already.
Ames, is a finance guy, ivy leaguer, world traveler, and marathon runner.
Ben is a lawyer and he looks just like the Ivy Leaguer. Plus he is a pianist and a hopeless romantic. We see serenading in the future.
Ben F, the winemaker, has Marisa convinced that he is the guy who started Girls Gone Wild. Apparently there’s a striking resemblance…how does she know that?
Bentley is a looker fromSalt Lake City. He wants the Bachelorette to be Emily. We wish he wouldn’t have named his daughter Cozy.
Anthony the butcher reminds me of a cross between Ben Affleck and Ross Gellar. My favorite part of his introduction was when someone at the meat shop says profoundly “what are you gonna do if she doesn’t like meat?” bahaha!
West, a good-looking, hard-working prosecutor has quite the sob story sharing that he’s already had a great love in his life – his wife who sadly passed away. I’m surprised that he went into such detail about her death (she suffered from seizures and
William, cuter than Wills. He’s “the one before the one,” the good luck chuck. We like him too. His dad was an alcoholic and I’m sure that’s not the last we’ll hear of that.

Now for the arrivals (note, we totally fast forwarded over all of Chris Harrison’s boring speeches and “how are yous” and “what are you excited/nervous about” questions).

First guy out of the limo is Ryan P, the solar energy specialist. His bumbling excitement is so awkward it’s almost cute.
Jon is an e-commerce exec. He picks her up and throws her over his shoulder to take her off to the honeymoon. Kinda cute.
Lucas is an oil man from Texas. Smell good hugger. Ya know, kinda like the smell good plumber.
Wills, we find out, is not a prince but a cellular phone salesman. Wah wah wah…
Mickey, a chef, goes in for a kiss “from all the men inAmerica” but she leans away. He walks in and tells all the guys he kissed her. Evil Mickey!
Tim, the liquor distributor, we’re pretty sure is already drunk. He can’t quite get out full sentences. This is gonna be bad.
Ben, the lawyer, speaks pretty things in French. Ashley apparently understands.
Stephen, the hairstylist, compliments her on her new hair color.
Chris is a sports marketing coordinator by day, and a rapper by night. More like a gentleman of the spoken word.
West, is a clever man and brings a broken compass stuck on west telling Ashley “I hope if you get lost in this process, you’ll use this to find your way to me.”
Anthony the butcher is quite the theatrical man. His New Jersey-esque necklace peeks out just a little too much. Eww.
Rob announces that he’s better than Brad because he has no crowns in his teeth. Boring.
Amesthe Ivy Leaguer plays his part well, looking like a prep school kid. He brought ballet tickets for her. Can you do that? He keeps one and she keeps one and all I’m thinking is “dude, when you get sent home, you better get that ticket back.” (nah, he can probably afford it)
Matt, office supplies salesman AKA “I work at staples” teaches her a handshake.
Jeff, a masked man, arrives and its immediately apparent that he is the male equivalent of Madison and her fangs from last season.
Ben the winemaker brings a bottle of wine and pours her a glass. He tells her he brushed his teeth like eight times today. He wins.
Frank gives a little wink and a smile, then a turn and a twirl and a dip. Then goes ahead to ruin it by practically making out with her hand.
Mike is a technology salesman that says he’s never been more excited to go see a dentist. She says she will gas him when they get inside.
Chris from Canada is a little goofy and seems to run away a bit to get inside. Weird.
Ryan M, a construction estimator, brings a camera so they can take photos. We thought it was cute in the “so we can have photos of the night we met” sort of way. Until he tells her that later he wants her to take a photo of him and Chris. Big fan of the show, apparently.
JP has no props, just a smile. I’m okay with that.
Nick, personal trainer. Recites a poem.
Blake, a dentist. He’s cute.
Bentley is clearly and very obviously disappointed when he gets out of the limo. She rumples her nose in frustration as he walks away…hmmm…
Constantine, restaurant owner. Brought pink dental floss. “are you gonna floss your teeth or mine?” Instead he ties it on her finger as a reminder to come find him. Clever.

Inside the cocktail party:

Ryan P the solar energy specialist is the first to pull her away. He recites his resume. He likes things.
Winemaker man Ben splits time betweenSan Diego and Sonoma. He says he feels a connection.
Some guy managed to convince producers to let him keep his cell phone to call his mom and she gives advice to him and Ashley: “when you decide to forgo your separate rooms and join together in the fantasy suite, remember your moms are watching and also to use your protection.”
Wait, who is the town troubadour? He pulls her away with the lure of the guitar and just as she says she had always wanted to be serenaded, he throws the guitar in the pool and says “I don’t really play guitar. I just wanted to talk to you.” I think the pianist should have done the same with a baby grand. Better splash effects.
Jeff the masked man is like the phantom of the opera, disappearing in the shadows. We get he’s trying to stand out, but can also tell Ashley wants to know if he’s cute or not so she can decide whether to send him home. My friend Molly noticed that his photo was missing from ABC’s website to keep the mystery alive – way to play along…ya know, because all of America doesn’t know how to Google his photo.
Jon the e-commerce guy is a marine corps vet… he looks like Matt, the London Bachelor.
One creative guy, other Ben, pulls a cute Love Actually moment, holding up signs he’s written on asking for alone time to talk to her. Very sweet.
Wills the cellphone salesman tries to do impressions. She’s very encouraging about it all. He says he is a little kid. Obviously.
Tim, the liquor distributor, is hammered (not surprising). Ashley walks over to him and he takes a full minute to tell her that she scared him. He. Is. Drunk. He’s asleep, snoring outside wrapped up with a blanket.
“If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the oven.” – Frank, who is not exactly the brightest crayon in the pool…no wait, that’s not right either…
Ashley rounds up some guys to help get Tim out front. They are more than happy to escort another guy home. Life lessons learned on The Bachelorette: Drunks get sent home in minivans, not limos. Write that down.
Ashley received a phone call a few days ago from a friend warning her about Bentley. Bentley tells Ashley he was married and his daughter is his life. She is still very skeptical. Bentley tells the camera he’s not really attracted to her but he is competitive. Really with this guy? Boo.

Rose ceremony:

Ryan P, the solar energy specialist gets the first impression rose
Jeff, phantom of the mansion
Constantine, the restauranteur
Ben F, the winemaker
Lucas, theTexasoilman
Stephen, the hairdresser
Matt
Nick, the Matthew Mcconaughey wannabe
Chris (the spoken word, not the Canadian)
Ryan M, the paparazzi
Blake, the dentist
Evil Mickey
Ben the French lawyer
West
Wills, the impersonator
JP
Ames, the Ivy Leaguer
Bentley, the bad boy

Reactions from the cast-offs:

The butcher is pissed. That meat is gonna get it when he gets home. I’m really bummed he didn’t stick around, he would’ve provided some great fodder.
Rob is defeated, disappointed, and ready to cry.
Jon, the ecommerce executive is a sad, sad boy. He’s really good looking. But sounds a little crazy now that he is teary and wondering where it all went wrong. On night one.

Coming up this season: Kissing, dancing, jets, boats, world travel, elephants, Thailand, kayaking, Taiwan, kissing, lying, crying, boxing, Fiji, broken hearts, more crying, and lots of roses.

What did you think?

15Mar2011

The Bachelor Recap: After the Final Rose, season 15

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by Jennifer | Stick Girl JAM

Let’s skip through the first part where Chris Harrison says pointless, obvious facts and get to Chantal out in the hot seat, reliving the hurt and humiliation that comes with falling in love on reality tv. She confronts Brad about stringing her along, keeping her around because she was fun. There’s gotta be a winner and a loser for the show to work so it might as well be someone fun, right? She’s very emotional and Brad tries to console her but he’s careful not to do anything to piss off princess Emily backstage. Despite the tears and snot covering her face apparently Chantal is happy with a new man back in Seattle and he’s everything she’s ever wanted. No pressure, dude.

Brad says he is more in love with Emily than he has been in his entire life. Yay, audience cheers. Chris breaks the news to the audience that Brad and Emily broke up and have had really hard times, all while almost getting married twice. Boo, audience is very sad and confused. Brad explains that they have a very real relationship and that comes with ups and downs. Chris asks if he considers himself engaged to Emily and he takes a roundabout way to reply that he can’t speak for her but in his eyes “yes.” He seems unsure. That’s even more awkward. Brad alludes sarcastically to the fact that Emily is not the sweet, Southern Belle that the producers painted her to be on the show. I believe him. When Emily comes out so do the claws and there are definitely some restrained fighting words whispered back and forth between her and Brad. I think I see a few eye rolls too. She confirms that it hasn’t been all roses but claims she’s in love, they’re still engaged (Brad is visibly relieved) but she’s not ready to get married (her exact words: “I love you, but noooooo.” Ouch.) and she’s not ready to move Austin right now. The audience boos loudly (again). Even more awkward. It’s all a bit confusing. I wonder if they’re already in couples therapy. Actually, I’m a bit surprised his tv therapist didn’t make an appearance.

Emily says she watched the show and felt like Brad should have picked Chantal because they had so much fun together. She was a bit of a complainer noting that she would have appeared to be fun and adventurous if she got to go on dates swimming with sharks, which I’m not quite understanding because she won (Brad’s heart) – it’s not like she was sent home and she’s upset she was set up to appear dull.

Emily cautiously explains that Brad has a bad temper and that’s one of the things he needs to work on before they get married. She says his family warned her, asking if she’d “poked the bear” yet. She now knows what that means, as both she and Brad fess up to having “knock down, drag out fights” that are “volatile”…geesh, sounds like love to me! On top of that Emily is seemingly carrying a grudge knowing that Brad said he fell in love early with her, now wishing he would have saved “certain things” just for her. Ruh-roh.

It seems like they’re in a weird place. I respect them for not coming out and smiling and telling America that everything is all bunnies and sunshine and roses and they can’t wait to get married to just see them split a few weeks later (a la The London Bachelor and his “monkey” fiancée Shayne Lamas). Clearly they aren’t living together (let alone living in the same city) with no real plans to do so anytime soon, which means they haven’t been given an opportunity to test their relationship out in the real world and also that Brad hasn’t been spending time with Emily’s daughter. And that’s all fine but then it confuses me as to why Brad would talk about wanting to get married while the show was taping or during the ATFR episode. They never did explain that. More bizarre talk about their possible future wedding and they keep having to look at each other to see if they’re on the same page…or even reading the same book.

Then Chris Harrison brings out Ali & Roberto, Jason & Molly, and Trista & Ryan to ~~keep their Google rank numbers up~~ give them support and encouragement to get through all the tabloid fodder and reality tv to reality transition. I wish that Molly or Jason would have just flat out said “The first step to starting your real relationship would be to move to Austin.” They did the long distance thing too. I’m being honest here (such a Brad thing to say) but no one believes their relationship will last or even be serious unless she moves to Austin. Not necessarily living with him but at least to be dating seriously and seeing Ricki on a regular basis.

Chris asks what we’ve all been wondering since she stepped out on stage: why isn’t Emily wearing her ring? Brad answers by pulling it out of his jacket pocket, telling Emily he’s had it sized to fit her and slips it on her finger. Aww…it’s either sweet or a “this is a good story so please just go with it” and act like we’re engaged moment.

So, do you think they’ll last? I hate to say it but I give it 2 months.

No announcement of the next Bachelorette during the show but it’s all over the news today that Ashley H., the artist dentist (nay, dental school student) is the newly recycled cast off that will get another chance to find her dream man. I don’t know why I still keep all my fingers and toes crossed for them to find a fresh one. Stay tuned, friends, the first episode airs May 23. Will you watch?

15Mar2011

The Bachelor Recap: final episode & proposal, season 15

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by Jennifer | Stick Girl JAM

Brad is reunited with his family in South Africa and starts crying uncontrollably, unable to contain himself enough to sit down. I chuckle when I see Brad’s twin brother Chad because all I can remember is Brad’s first season when he tricked the girls by having his twin take his place, pretending to be him. Good stuff.

Brad says he’s falling in love and is 100% considering proposing. His family feigns dramatic shock and emphasizes how much of a new man he is.

Chantal arrives first. She tells the story of how they fell in love in Costa Rica in the pouring rain running back to the hotel room to…uh, well, just talk for hours…

Wes thinks Chantal clicks with the family and that she’s very attractive and vibrant. Wes and Chad get some alone time and they tell her that Brad said he is planning on proposing.

Mom asks what everyone wants to know: “how could you fall in love so quick?” Chantal says it’s easy to fall in love because of what she went through in her divorce working to find herself, now knowing what and who she wants is what led her to a place where it was easy to fall in love with Brad because he’s everything she wants and needs.

That seems to get the stamp of approval from mom.

Brad says he wasn’t nervous about Chantal but he is a bit on edge about them meeting Emily because of her past. I did notice that Emily didn’t get hugs but Wes explains that Emily seems much more reserved than Chantal. Then again later Wes, as a parent himself, is concerned about how much it would affect Emily and her daughter to move to Austin.

It gets really emotional around the table as questions unfold in a natural way about how Ricki’s father would feel about Emily and Ricki moving to Texas. Emily shares her story and there are tears welling up in everyone’s eyes, with a new found respect for Emily and what she’s been through to get here.

Brad reassures his brothers that he welcomes the opportunity to be a father. His brothers are surprised. Wes says “I left this place yesterday feeling like my brother was ready to be a husband and now I realize that he’s also ready to be a full blown father.”

Mom pulls Emily aside and tells her how much she respects her for being hesitant about letting Brad meet her daughter and also for allowing him to. Emily expresses her gratitude in meeting Brad and how much of a blessing he’s been to her even in this short time together. Mom loses it when Emily tells her that Brad is her angel. She knows Emily has had a very difficult time so Brad’s mom is rooting for her, hoping she’ll have a happy ending.

As for the brothers, I know they are on Team Emily too. I can see the restraint in Chad’s face because he totally wants to blurt out “she’s way hotter, dude!” …trust me. I can see it in his eyes.

Mom gives her vote on Emily. Brad says if his mom could pick a woman for him it would be Emily. At this point it’s in the bag.

On his date day with Chantal Brad says his family thinks Emily is the one but he’s looking for Chantal to show him she’s the one today. It’s totally over and I know it when she goes barreling towards him and tries to jump in his arms and he is struggling. Not romantic, and quite frankly, kinda scary. As my smart friend Matt Prince stated so eloquently on Facebook yesterday, “No matter what decision Brad makes tonight he will be dealing with 50 unexpected lbs…for Emily it’s her daughter, for Chantal it’s the weight she’s gained since the first episode.” It’s true. It also may explain why Brad chose to take Chantal swimming with the sharks. Either he knew they’d go for her meaty body first or he wanted her covered up in a wet suit. Just like with the snorkeling on their first one on one date, he took her to face her fears and she overcame them for him.

Chantal gives Brad a map she made showing all the places they’ve been – she says it shows that she has traveled the world for his love. She also wrote him a mushy love letter – front and back (but not 18 pages, a la Rachel Green). Brad says it was very sweet. Chantal says she needs Brad to tell her he loves her. He calls it a night and never said the “L” word so she’s desperately holding onto hope that she’ll hear it the next time they see each other.

Brad’s family chose Emily and he says he is still exploring his feelings with Emily – he needs to feel confident at the end of today. He takes Emily to the Cape of Good Hope via helicopter, naturally. It’s really windy and I’m pretty sure every guy in America forced into watching The Bachelor is sitting on the edge of the couch, eagerly hoping for the wind to blow her short shirtdress up. He tells her that his family really loved her and Emily realizes that she is letting her insecurities get the best of her and it’s all downhill from there. What seems to be the most serious, real conversation they have and should be having is going disastrously. Brad seems upset that she’s looking for the reassurance that he’s actually thought about what it will take to become a stepfather. Brad makes it very clear that he wants to be Ricki’s dad and Emily comes back with a lot of warnings that being a parent isn’t always fun or glamorous. Brad is very frustrated. He asks Emily if she’s ready to let somebody in. She says “not somebody, but you.” It seems as if his anger is getting the best of him so now he’s trying to push the blame onto her for these hesitant feelings. Emily knows her head is sabotaging her heart and Brad walks away defeated from his night with Emily.

Neil Lane arrives the next morning with the rings for Brad to choose from. Brad picks out a stunning sparkler of rock with a split shank band.

Brad is very confident, excited, scared, and happy about being in love. The clue to his choosing Emily is when he says he knows he’s in love and he just hopes she loves him back. I think everyone in America is confident that Chantal loves Brad.

Chantal, it appears, is doomed to be the first girl out of the limo yet again. And yeah, that’s sad and all, but all I can think is “Chunky gold shoes with that dress? Really?”

Brad gives his “you’re so great” speech and then transitions into the “here’s where it gets tough” part and explains that he has stronger feelings for someone else and immediately the tears fly. Brad tries to reassure her by asking “are you alright?” which at this moment in time is probably the worst thing he could ask. No, Brad, no she’s not alright. I wish that Chris Harrison would’ve popped out just to say that. Would’ve been perfect! Brad continues to tell Chantal that the connection they had was very real and she didn’t do anything wrong. I think Brad might have to call Chantal’s dad and break up with him too. If you’ll remember, they too had quite the connection. Chantal wonders how she could have felt Brad was The One when Brad didn’t even love her. Someone get this woman a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s, stat!

Now that the sad part is over, Brad is all smiles when he sees Emily walking toward him. It takes him quite a while to get out his rehearsed speech, telling her about a promise he made to himself to take a leap of faith if he found even just a glimpse of love. He says, “And all it took for me was coming here and finding you. You’re it; you’re The One. You’re so much more than a leap of faith. You’re my once in a lifetime.”

And his proposal went like this:

Please give me your forever.
Please let me be your best friend.
Please let me protect you and your beautiful daughter,
And please give me the opportunity to love you for the rest of your life.
I love you, Emily.
(on bended knee)
Please make me happier than I’ve ever been in my life and marry me.”

And she says “I’d love to!” and has to do the awkward bend at the waist to kiss him. She straightens up and he puts the ring on her finger. She says she loves it and it’s perfect. Cue the montage of their love story unfolded in Bachelor episode clips to the tune of Train’s “Marry Me.”
So, what did you think? Were you rooting for Chantal? Did you know it would be Emily? How do you feel about them not really dealing with the real issues of what their life will be like together as a family with a daughter?