Well, friends, sorry to keep you waiting on this week’s recap.  The holiday weekend threw me off a bit, and then when I finally sat down to watch it at home, found that it hadn’t recorded! eek!  So, let’s jump right in, shall we?

The very first one-on-one date: “William, wanna make a splash in Vegas?   I do.  Love, Ashley.” One sexy car and a private plane ride later and Ashley and William arrive in Vegas…to taste wedding cake. Seriously, how disappointed would you be if you were this guy?  No gambling, no dancing, no pools and bikinis, no show…just visibly sweating at the prospect of picking out wedding cake flavors. Total let down.  He’s red in the face even more than before as they walk in a jewelry store to look at engagement rings. Wait a minute…! Next, it’s clammy hands as the ring store lady tries a wedding band on his ring finger. Ashley and Wills walk hand-in-hand, one with a nervous grin, the other a sly smile as they enter a little wedding chapel.  Vegas wedding appropriate, Ashley is already wearing a white mini dress.  She walks down the aisle one step at a time. This has escalated rather quickly. Wills interrupts because things don’t just look right – he’s got it – she needs a bouquet! So, he comes to the rescue handing her a vase full of flowers sitting nearby.  Just darling.  When the prompt comes from the minister (seriously, they couldn’t even get Elvis?!), Wills says “I do.” It’s a game of chicken gone terribly awry as Ashley is shocked he went through with it and then its extremely awkward when she has to say a version of “I don’t… right now…maybe later.”  Nevertheless, the minister gives Wills permission to kiss his “almost bride.” And they do. Ashley says it’s the most romantic date ever and that she’s already falling for Wills after half of a date.

After that sham of a marriage (well, at least she got that out of the way), Ashley tells Wills that they’re doing something no one has ever done before – having dinner in the middle of the water of the Bellagio fountains.  No one has done it yet, but I can’t wait to see how much they start charging now. 

Ever the salesman, Wills talks himself up in a self-depricating sort of way letting her know “I’m not a lawyer, I’m not a doctor, I don’t save lives…I bring communication to people.”  Well said, sir. Probably the best way you could have said that you’re a cell phone salesman.  Wills shares his story about his family and his father, an alcoholic who died, and how he wears the watch that stopped at the time his dad died until this day as a reminder to not let his time go by. Ashley shares that her father, too, is an alcoholic, and now she’s feeling even closer to him than she did after almost marrying him.  Ashley tells Wills that she sees everything in him – they have a sweet kiss, he’s giddy.  “I’m gonna do everything I can to make you this happy” was a cute line but it went a little overboard with “my heart/love/something mushy went higher than those fountains.”

The next date card arrives.  Constantine, Ryan M, Chris, Ben F, Nick, Bentley, West, Lucas, Stephen, Blake, Matt, and Ames are all headed on a group date that says “In Sin City, boys will be boys.”  Ryan, Mickey, Ben C, Phantom, and JP are the only men not going to Vegas…yet.  Well, we presume some will be left out of course.  My bet is on Phantom, although, masks in Vegas wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, I guess.  Ashley takes the huge group of guys to see the Jabbawockeez perform. They are split into two teams that must perform then compete against each other – the winning team staying to spend time with Ashley and rehearse with the dance crew for a live show.  The two teams, “The Best Men” and “No Rhythm Nation,” choreograph their own dance routines – one emulating a rose ceremony, the other a wedding ceremony…two things Bentley could care less about. 

The Best Men crew was sent home back to the mansion to pout while No Rhythm Nation gets to perform on stage, fulfilling the need for their huge egos to hear the sounds of a roaring crowd cheering them on (albeit not really for them, but I guess it still counts).  After a successful show, they have a  party and Ashley spends one-on-one time with each guy.

• She bonds with Blake over their shared profession.
• West tells Ashley that he was married and his wife died.  West appreciates that Ashley responded as well as she did.
• Bentley recognizes competition, notes in detail Ashley’s attractive body parts and says something inappropriate about something she could do that would be “amazing.” Ugh.  
• Ashley tells Bentley to stay if he feels something for her because she feels something for him. She starts begging. It’s embarrassing. Bentley is bored. So am I.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion Wills jokes with the other guys that his fiancé went out with 12 other guys, they’ve already picked out rings and a wedding cake.

In Vegas, Ashley gives Bentley the group date rose.  Eww.  Clearly enthused, he asks, “can we just bag this and go play blackjack?” But of course, not to her face.

The final date card for this episode says “Love is a gamble…I’ll see one of you in Vegas.”  And it’s a coin toss to see who is going on a one-on-one to see Ashley in Vegas.

Mickey [possibly evil], the chef, is the victor.  He flies to Vegas to meet her and Ashley looks super cute greeting him at the airport in her shiny blouse and white blazer.  Ashley thinks Mickey is gorgeous (better looking than she is, even) and I agree.  To continue the gambling theme, she decides to use a coin to decide everything for their date.  Red or white? I go, you go. They are at Aureole, a restaurant with really awesome tall wine cellar where you have to harness yourself up to get the wine you want.  Looks fun!  Another flip of the coin to answer questions and the first thing he asks “when was the last time you cried?” and she says that it was while she was watching last season and hearing all the criticism. 

Meanwhile, back at the mansion – some guy I don’t know/can’t remember says about Phantom,“You’ve got a mask on to concentrate on personality…but if all he’s going on is personality, well, he’s going home.”  True.

Mickey cleans up but Ashley doesn’t change.  For a lady who just confessed your date looks better than you, I was really expecting a wardrobe change, although I did like the outfit.  They walk into a really awesome strip-view suite for dinner. Mickey says his mother died six years ago – sounds like he was a big momma’s boy, too, which Ashley loves.  Mickey says his mother’s death had a positive impact on his life because of the amazing woman she was, and the person she has inspired him to become. 

JP is pissed off he lost a date on a coin toss.  Get over it.

Ashley is holding a rose in her hands and tells Mickey she likes him but she doesn’t know how she is feeling so she says she wants to flip a coin to see if he’ll get a rose or not.  Mickey is sweating a little bit but she says she was going to give it to him anyway.  Mickey asks to keep the coin, along with the rose.

Ashley wanted to walk on the beach (what girl on a first date or taking her engagement photos doesn’t?) so they take a romantic stroll on the beach of the Mandalay Bay and out of nowhere music starts and Colbie Caillat is singing and Ashley and Mickey have a little kiss fest.  Mickey says he hopes it’s the last first date he ever goes on.  Ashley says it was a perfect night. 

JP pulls Ashley away the second the glasses clink at the cocktail party.  JP pulls a coin out of his pocket and says he wants a kiss so he flips it, gets his kiss and Ashley promises that they’ll have more good times in the future.  There ya go, whiner.

Matthew McConaughey teaches Ashley some country line dance moves and then Wills (whom the men have affectionately dubbed Ding Dong) sneaks in and the men were pissed because he already has a rose.  Ashley and Wills both gush over how perfect their date was, then they kiss and creepy Phantom prowls around the house sulking, preparing to reveal himself.

Phantom corners the Bachelorette in the stairwell, full of shadows and eerie awkwardness. He starts listing off his life stats – his age, his medical chart, his divorcee status, the fact that he doesn’t take life for granted, and…wah la…the unveiling is interrupted when Matt strolls in to steal her away.  Haha…best producer intervene ever!

The other men wonder and poke fun at Phantom by asking “How are you going to feel knowing she never even saw your face?” haha!

Ben C, the square jaw lawyer who is trying to be a jokester.  I don’t think I like him but it’s hard to tell.  

Bentley says he would rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with Ashley because she’s not his type… but he’s competitive so when he realizes that all the other guys have had kisses he storms in to find her, picks her up and carries her down to the fireplace to claim his victory.  Ashley says it was like a fairybook romance but Bentley proclaims it an “okay kiss that got worse at the end.” Sounds like love to me.

“I’d be lying to everyone if I said I’m in this until the end. There’s no way I’m lasting until the end.” [duh. And you’re not leaving without some huge blow up scandal]  – Bentley, the bad boy.

Rose Ceremony:

• Wills, the impersonator
• Bentley, the bad boy
• Mickey, possibly not evil
• West, the widower
• Constantine, the restaurant owner
• Ryan P, the Solar Energy Specialist
• Ben C, the romantic lawyer
• Nick, the Matthew Mcconaughey wannabe
• Ames, the Ivy Leaguer
• Lucas, the Texas Oil Man
• Jeff, the Phantom
• JP, the coin toss kisser
• Chris
• Ben F, the winemaker
• Blake, the dentist

The Rejects (all from The Best Men crew, coincidentally):

• The guy that called his mom in the first episode calls his mom again after getting sent home and asks her to pick him up at the airport, give him some love and make him French toast.  That was cute. Maybe a little too “Maaa, the meatloaf!!” but makes for good tv nonetheless.
• Stephen the hairstylist seems normal in his exit interview – sad to see the normal ones go. 
• Ryan M., seems cute and very sad to be going home. Also seems a little too grounded in reality…better luck in the real world, bud.

Next week: a flash mob and concert of some sort, Bentley determined to make Ashley cry, a broken heart hiding under covers while Bentley proclaims victory for “doing something that’s never been done before.” Blech. Good riddance.

Cheers!