The Bachelorette Recap episode 5, season 7

Another attempt at a new start, this week Ashley and her “not as good as Bentley” men (I think I shall call them Bentley Crew) are inChiang Mai,Thailand.  At the Mandarin Oriental, a super awesome line of luxury hotels – I am impressed. And jealous. Bentley’s name has already come up more times than I can count but Ashley swears that’s all behind her.  Liar!

There are 11 men left for Ashley to choose from and it looks like another is going home in an ambulance.  Other bad news (for the guys) that’s exciting for us: there’s a two-on-one date this episode!  Nothing like an awkward third wheel date to really spice up the drama and awkwardness! 

Ben F., the winemaker/orphanage painter, gets the one-on-one date and when Ashley comes to pick him up, all the men sense the palpable sexual energy between them (between Ben and Ashley, not all the men…well, it was Ames who said that so can’t be quite sure, really).

They take a Volkswagen van/bike (seriously, what was that thing?!) to a marketplace to eat street food, buy a robe, walk hand-in-hand.  Seems a lot like Constantine’s date from last week, right? Ben says it feels like he’s on vacation with his girlfriend. Ashley says she was surprised to have felt so much chemistry and meanwhile, Ben is starting to see her as a possible fiancé or wife.

There’s a lot of awkward silence which on this show always means its time to make out but because they were in front of a sacred temple they couldn’t actually kiss. Instead they had a mental kiss. Not as good. But they pretend it was and now Ashley is feeling feisty, she’s ready for dinner, where presumably they’ll be able to kiss all they want.

A gorgeous dinner table is set up surrounded by thousands of flowers on a garden lawn. They talk about how he got started in winemaking and Ben shares that his father passed away really screwing him up emotionally until the last year.  Now he’s ready for love and makin’ out. Ashley thinks Ben is getting an A+ on their date, she gives him the rose and then music starts, fire dancers come out, and Ben goes in for the kiss. Ashley is not disappointed and thinks it could be forever. (Maybe. If it’s not Bentley. Okay, I just threw that in there, but come on, you all know she was thinking it!)

Group date: Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan, JP, Mickey

The guys are excited/terrified when they figure out that they will be training with Muy Thai boxer/fighters.  Lucas has no clue about training to fight but he’s been in some street brawls. I believe him – he’s a country boy. Ames? Never been in a fight. Surprised? Not at all. Surprised thatAmes gets the pink set of boxing gear? Not at all.

They arrive at a fight and realize that they’re going to be fighting against each other. Shock! (Ashley is in a state of fright and fear the whole time…whichever producer thought up this brilliant idea probably got promoted). Here’s how the matches went down:

  • Blake v Lucas – Blake wins.
  • Mickey v JP – JP, the self proclaimed “Jew from Long Island beat the Irishman from Cleveland.”
  • Ames v Ryan – Ryan knocks Ames in the head. Ooh. Ouch.
  • Nick v Constantine- “the heavyweights”Constantine wins.

Ashley, ever they worrywart, is troubled by the far off look Ames has in his eyes so she runs to alert the paramedics to her damsel in distress and they cart him away. Not dramatic at all. I hate this show.

At the post fight party:

  • Ryan is feeling super guilty but still shows off his battle wounds.  Chicks dig scars. Write that down. Ames is back, prep boy suit and all. He has to know he can’t go home tonight – this earned him at least one more night here. Pity rose is a for sure.
  • Blake is totally getting the friend vibe from Ashley. He tells her that “love is a marathon, not a sprint” to try to win his case. 
  • Lucas is apparently more comfortable now that he’s punched some dudes in the face. He is a golfer so at Ashley’s request, he gives her a little lesson. Very cliche, very sexy.  Lucas calls Ashley out on her attraction to Bentley and she pulls that brand-spankin’-new wisdom from Blake out of her pocket to reassure Lucas that love takes a while to grow.
  • Ashley gives Blake the group date rose and he goes in for his first kiss.  

Two on one: William and Ben C. “guide me to love”

The two men paddle a boat (while Ashley sits comfortably) down the river to a little picnic area. William tells Ashley that Ben C. can’t wait to go home to all the ladies waiting for him in the realms of the online dating world. Instead of asking Ben any questions she just announces that the two on one date is over and walks Ben back to his little getaway boat. It’s a slow getaway. Definitely not romantic.  What I liked most was that in their brief “it’s been real” goodbye, Ben says something along the lines of “aw, come on, I was joking about that. It was funny. Ask anyone!” 

Wills is pleased his plan worked out. He’s at ease at dinner. Ashley asks Wills if he still feels like a 30-year-old boy. A stupid grin emerges. Ashley is not feelin’ it. She tells William she’s lost that lovin’ feelin’…whoa whoa whoa. I’m beginning to feel like Ashley is getting her brain back. She proclaims that she needs a man, not a boy. And the rose is set to burn in a firepit. So dramatic.

Cocktail Party:

  • Ryan is totally way excited. Ashley looks bored.
  • Constantinelikes Ashley’s realness.Constantineis asked if he is closer to the guys than her. He says “naturally.” Good answer, bud.
  • Ashley asks JP if he could see her in his everyday. He says that he already feels like that.  Ashley wants to tell JP what she feels for him but she’s afraid of getting hurt. And, she’s in love with Bentley.

Bentley.
Bentley.
Bentley.
Mumbles is mad at me for not keeping a Bentley counter going. Is there an app for that?

Ashley tells her ole buddy Chris Harrison that she can’t stop thinking about Bentley. Ashley wants to talk to Bentley to get some closure. 

Rose ceremony:
Ben F.
Blake
Constantine
Lucas
JP
Ames, the pity rose
Mickey
Ryan, the enthusiastic solar energy specialist 

Nick, the surfer/Matthew McConaughey look alike says a sad goodbye to love. Not as sad as Wills who earlier said he wants to go to bed and never wake up. Again, where’s that on-call therapist from last season??

Next week:Hong Kong, bad boy Bentley’s back, Mickey tellin’ it like it is (wow, he’s good looking!), lots of tears and drama. Oh, also, from the looks of it I really don’t like Ashley next week.

Can’t wait!

P.S. Anyone count how many times she said Bentley?
P.S.S. Anyone watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition after The Bachelorette?  Uh-mazing.

The Bachelorette Recap episode 3, season 7

Wow, what a show.  It’s hard to believe we’re only in episode 3 (let alone only in the second week of Ashley knowing these guys) and already the tears are flowing, biggest insecurities are being realized, hearts are breaking, and our villain is going home – so soon!.  [pssssttt…i heard a rumor that he’ll be back!!]  Maybe ABC wasn’t so crazy last season hiring that therapist to make regular house calls.  They oughta think about hiring that guy full time on call.  Here’s how it all happened:

The first one-on-one date was with Ben C, the french lawyer, nay flash mob dancer! Ashley takes Ben to a dance studio to learn the dance moves she’s choreographed for a secret flash mob dance (which immediately made us think of this awesome commercial – speaking of which, AT&T is really spot on with brilliant commercials lately – my other favorite is this one) she has planned at The Americana at Brand, a lovely outdoor shopping mall.  Ben is smitten with Ashley having seen her in the dance studio where she’s so comfortable, confident and sexy (oh, Benny Boop, just wait until later when the insecure Ashley resurfaces!).  Whilst they’re lounging in the grass in the middle of the shopping center, random passersby all with their phones out to snap photos of the darling couple, Ashley states that she’d really like to do their dance. Right now.  Ben. Is. Freaked.  But, all in the name of love, right?  He gets up and rocks that dance and soon notices that the gawkers are now joining in too.  Here’s my version of what’s going on in Boring Ben’s mind strictly interpreted via eyebrow movements and anxiety in the eyes:  “Wait, how do they know this dance?  Does everyone know this dance and I only just learned it?  Oh…oh, I see what’s going on here – this here was planned!  Ashley, you trickster!” Now Ben is having fun.  My favorite part is when the dance has ended and everyone just walks away nonchalantly like nothing happened.  Not even a hug it out, high five or “good job, bro.”  Other than that, the BFOTB and I decide that we NEED to be part of a flash mob.  Heidi’s gonna come (Note: Heidi and BFOTB Ashley are big fans of the choreographed dance having created and performed a marvelous one at the wedding of yours truly and Mumbles.  It was thoroughly enjoyed by all.)  and you can come too – “bring your green hat!” Flash Mob America – write that down. 

Next part of this date is a live performance by the Far East Movement.  The Bachelorette and her lawyerman (who BFOTB thinks looks just like the bad guy/backstabbing friend Carl from Ghost, right?!) have a nice little kiss in the crowd to the background of a collective “awww…”

Ben from The Bachelorette & Carl from Ghost

Ben explains his unrealistic views about love to Ashley: “I want to live in an idealistic bubble where we believe we are more in love than any other couple. Ever.”  That’s intense.  He softens that up a bit by saying he’d like to go on a second date with her. She gives him the rose and then they suck face for a while.

Group Date: Ames, Ben F., Mike, Blake, Jeff the Phantom, Lucas, Nick, Ryan, Wills & Bentley – “Make me laugh”

Phantom Jeff is perched on his balcony and today is the day the mask is coming off.  The unveiling is quite underwhelming but entertaining too. A) because I already know what he looks like and B) He’s not attractive nor does he have any jarring facial disfigurements to have really warranted the “get to know me without my looks” phase for so long and C) I realize he’s had that mask custom made to fit his face/large nose.  Ashley, too, is disappointed when she only says “He’s a lot older than I thought he was.” Not a good sign.  Blake says it best comparing it to “when someone tells you ‘I got a surprise’ and you open up the present and there’s not much there.” Well said, sir.

The large group heads to a comedy club to meet with Jeffrey Ross, the Roastmaster.  And everything goes south from here.  In front of a sold out house, all these guys are going to be tearing Ashley apart.  Not a brilliant idea of a date for such an insecure lad.  We learn Wills’ life aspiration is to become a comedian so he’s using this like an audition. Lucas the oilman has a good plan – play it safe. Best to not impress than to offend.  Smart man. My favorite line was naming Phantom Jeff as Zorro’s unemployed brother.  For someone who has only spoken about 10 words to Ashley and just revealed his face, he gets ballsy and makes a rude comment about her small breasts.  One of the guys said it was like “Whoop, here’s my face; you have small titties.”  Inappropriate. Bentley, ever the chivalrous man he is, defends Ashley’s small boobies because she has the butt to make up for it.  Class act, that guy.  Wills gets his shot at glory to impress the Roastmaster and completely bombs, telling the crowd how disappointed he was to find Ashley as the new Bachelorette instead of Chantal or Emily.  Bentley is surprised Wills said that out loud…he’s been thinking it all along, too, but just couldn’t believe Wills actually said it.  The audience is silent. Not even the crickets are chiming in.  Whoa, awkward.  After the show, Ashley quickly exits the stage and finds a dark corner to cry in.  Bentley uses the opportunity to mess with her head and console her.  Meant to sound like a reassuring compliment he says, “Of 25 guys, I can promise you 24 were really excited it was you.”

Of all the guys, Wills is the one that almost married Ashley on date 1 so she was most hurt that he would say those things at her expense. Instead of trying to make it up to her he just quits and tells her to go talk to the other guys, even saying that he’d go home to pack.  He leaves the party to go brood on a bench somewhere and then wait….he’s running! We were hoping at this point for him to come storming in out of breath but instead he apparently just ran back to sulk on a stairwell closer to her. 

Ryan comes to the rescue all sweet and sugary, telling her that she is exactly who he wanted to be there. He finishes by throwing in a “you’re gorgeous” and a nice long kiss.  Just what the dentist ordered!

Ashley gets some alone time with Bentley and confesses that she received warnings about his intentions prior to their meeting.  Bentley correctly guesses that these warnings came from [crazy] Michelle Money from Brad’s season.  Apparently, according to Michelle, Bentley was coming on the show to promote his business and would only stick around a few weeks.  Bentley’s job occupation title reads “Businessman.”  (As in “Excuse me, do you have any businesswomen’s specials?”…movie title anyone? anyone?!)  Ashley makes it known to Bentley that if he leaves it would be harder for her than anything she went through last season.  Bentley says they’re both on the same page. [Liar] “Definitely feelin’ some feelings.” [Insert evil grin] Ashley says she’s falling in love with Bentley right on time for Bentley to declare in his confessional that he doesn’t want to be here anymore.  The next morning he’s packing his bags and Phantom Mask-less Jeff is quite the counselor asking Bentley if he’s sure he has to go, prompting him further by telling him (as if he didn’t know) that he’s a front runner and Ashley likes him more than all the other guys.  There’s that evil grin again. Bentley is quite pleased he’s played everyone. 

My favorite quote: “I’m gonna make Ashley cry; I hope my hair looks okay.”  I’m seriously starting to wonder if this guy isn’t Michelle Money’s ex-husband.  What a pair!

After calling Ashley an ugly duckling (not to her face, of course) compared to Emily, he concocts a story about missing his daughter (Cozy) and being consumed by worry that she’s missing him and asking about him. I imagine Cozy’s mother has already had a version of this conversation with her daughter that goes something like this “Oh, he’s off in Hollywood breaking some girl’s heart on national television, Cozy, that’s where daddy is right now. But don’t you worry, sweetie, it won’t take that long. He’ll be back before you know it!”  Bentley is annoyed beyond belief at all the tears and hugging and crying and kissing he’s having to put up with right now.  He gets a little more interested when Ashley straddles him, legs around his waist noting “something good could happen right now [read: sex]…but I’m not into her.” He demands that Ashley leave a “dot dot dot” [an open loophole for him to return to cause more mischief later this season, I presume]. She’s hopeful. He leaves with one last touch of the glass that separates them and then Ashley retreats under the covers and sobs into her pillows.  A lot.

That night she’s got a romantic dinner at home date lined up with JP.  Frankly, she looks like hell because she’s been crying all day.  Ever the gentleman, he brings flowers and tells her how beautiful she looks.  He’s quite the looker, this one.  BFOTB has narrowed him down to a cross between Joseph Gordon Levitt and Heath Ledger.  Sure. He’s pretty.  And, also very understanding that she’s had a rough few days so he asks her if she’s okay and then transitions to making the night about them, all while making sure she’s comfortable.  So comfortable, in fact, that they both change into their pajamas.  PJ’s with JP!  Cute. Ashley is thankful that JP let her be herself and have a bad day.  They have some romantic kissing moments on the plush bear skin rug and she’s mesmerized for a little while.

Cocktail party comes around and Ashley is back to being devastated.  She thought Bentley was going to be her husband and now is at a loss for how to continue being the Bachelorette.  Broken hearted, she’s talking to Chris Harrison and I actually like the role he’s playing for once, trying to help her navigate through the Bentley crap.  See, no need to hire a therapist if Chris Harrison does his job right!  Chris asks if she was just attracted to Bentley because he was forbidden from the beginning.  Doing his best, he’s trying to steer her away from Bentley, letting her down easy with the honest truth that there is no dot dot dot and that if Bentley really was a good guy and wanted to be there, he would have said he was coming back.  Also a nice time to remind her that there are plenty of other good looking fellas in the other room dying to see her.  She could care less and opts to skip the cocktail party and get to sending some guys packing. 

Rose Ceremony:
Boring Ben C., the bad guy from Ghost
Ryan P, the solar energy specials (received the group date rose for his good kissin’ and consoling skills)
JP (received a one-on-one date rose on a bear skin rug by the fire)
Constantine
West
Mickey
Ben F.
Blake, the dentist
Nick
Ames
Lucas, the oilman
Wills (kind of a shocker, but hey, masked man had to go!)

The Phantom Jeff burns his mask in the fire.  I’m almost a little sad because I feel like he probably spent some cash on having that custom made for the show.  Maybe he’s writing a research paper about awkward social situations.

Next week: Thailand, elephants, kayaking, boat rides, man claws, and everyone hates Ryan P.

P.S.  The clip at the end of the show of the masked man on the toilet looking through the classified ads in the paper to find a car or a boat is hilarious.  All this is happening whilst Bentley does his hair.  “The boat doesn’t have an engine or a steering wheel – think it’s worth it? …it’s only a hundred bucks!” …end scene.

Stress & the 3 things happy people have in common

Did you know that prior to 1960 the term “stress” did not exist outside of architectural references (ie: stress on a building)?  Now, it’s nearly impossible to get through a day without hearing the word stress.

At the 3rd Annual Women’s Conference held at Cal State Fullerton (my alma mater), I attended a session about stress and achieving a work/life balance led by Kristin Welsh-Simpson, the Senior Employee Assistance Counselor with the U.S. House of Representatives Office of Employee Assistance.  She gave great, sensible advice for women who have very busy lives and wish to have peace and balance in their daily life (isn’t that everyone?). Simpson, also a certified executive coach and a mom of three boys (this lady knows what she’s talking about!), is devoted to taking time out of her busy schedule to help women achieve this peace of mind.

I took a lot away from her practical and approachable talk and thought I should share some of her great ideas for erasing stress from our lives and achieving a better work/life balance.  Check out my post with her tips here.

Also, I loved this…3 things happy people have in common:
o        Something to DO
o        Something to LOVE
o        Something to LOOK FORWARD TO

The Bachelor Recap episode 5, season 15

With 11 girls left we’re faced for the first time with the dreaded 2-on-1 date.  Normally every guy’s dream but in Bachelor world it means the exact opposite: somebody’s not coming home.  What else is not every guy’s dream? (well, maybe normal ones not in intensive therapy?)…bucketloads of tears.  But get ready for them anyway.

Now that trusty ol’ Chris has delivered the bad news about the 2-on-1 and warned that things are getting serious (he’s so behind – doesn’t he know things got serious in episode 4? Geez, someone get this guy a link to my blog!), here he is with the good: everyone pack your bags because they’re taking this show on the road to Vegas. (insert a collective “woo!” here)

Alli wants a one-on-one so she can sneak off to a wedding chapel to take the plunge. Michelle needs girls to go home because she needs more space for her luggage.  Headed for wedding bells or more baggage… I think that pretty clearly defines the two types of women that are still left.

I know they’re on a tight production schedule, but I’m just thinking to myself that putting Brad in a limo with all the girls (or half of them and switching at In-N-Out in Barstow or someplace) would have made for really interesting television.  But whatever. They fly to Vegas and hop in a limo to meet Brad at the Aria hotel in Vegas and then get shown to their super sweet suite.

One-on-one date: “Let’s end tonight with a bang” for Shawntel N.
(Kudos to whomever mumbled “well that’s a bit forward…” haha. Probably wins funniest moment of the night, which goes to show you how lame this episode was.)

She’s a Vegas Virgin in Sin City and Brad is taking her on a shopping spree. It’s every girl’s Pretty Woman fantasy – trading clothes, shoes and purses for hotel rooms and sex.  Oh, wait. This is sounding a bit familiar…hmmm. After maxing out the credit cards in all the designer stores Shawntel strolls back into the suite hunkered down with shopping bags at the exact moment one of the girls proclaims that “it could have been the worst date Brad’s been on.” Awkward.  Shawntel gloats about her shopping spree and shows off her new bag (which she later confesses was $5000). Woof. It was so hideous. It was a small little rectangle bag with sequin stripes and feathery bits.

Lisa says she waiting for diamonds to come out and the artist dentist replies “hopefully it’s not one big one” so Michelle turns her scarf into a noose because she’s so appalled by the idea. Everyone laughs; they only like Michelle when she’s pretending to kill herself.  I hope they hired that therapist to be on call for everyone. 

Shawntel comes down the stairs in her new dress, shoes and handbag looking like her date is picking her up for the prom. I’m disappointed when Brad arrives with no corsage. And then I feel bad because Britt’s in a robe hiding behind her glass of wine and the other girls are not looking so hot either. Aren’t they at least allowed to go out in Vegas if they’re not on the date?  I would.

During their rooftop dinner date Shawntel is nervous because she hasn’t yet shared that’s she’s a funeral director and embalmer. This is gonna get interesting. Brad makes the mistake of asking about it then quickly loses his appetite. He’s laughing so hard and now they’re talking about Peaches the cross-eyed cat. Weird, but maybe in a quirky kinda hot way?  Like Scully from the X-Files? To each his own.  

Brad says he really likes her and feels like a lucky man when he looks at her. And imagines her surrounded by dead bodies. Out of nowhere a pop happens and it’s the champagne bottle. It would have been awesome if he was like “well, there’s your big bang!” but alas, our Bachelor has no such wit. (Also, it could’ve saved a hundred grand, which sounds like a practical thing to do after that shopping spree) Soon after the real fireworks show starts and it’s all “oohs” and “ahhs,” except for the lonely girls back in the suite who are practically stop, drop and rolling because they can hardly get a glimpse of the fireworks but do get to feel the room shake because of them. Ah, how sad.

Group date: “Let’s go speed dating” – Jackie, Emily, Lisa, Marissa, Alli, Chantal, Britt, Michelle
They pull up to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway where the girls will be driving NASCAR cars around the track. Wow. Producers are jerks. Seriously, not classy and we know this is going to put Emily in a very awkward situation.

Crazy Michelle from The Bachelor Season 15

screen capture proof of Michelle's crazy eyes

“I think this will be an amazing experience because I’ve never done anything like this. Plus, I’m fun and hot. And you should see me in a race car.” (insert crazy eyes – see photo)

Brad notices that Emily is not quite herself so Brad pulls her aside to talk. Emily explains that her fiancé was a NASCAR driver and a crash at Las Vegas Speedway ended his driving career and then he moved into a car owner role before the plane crash.  Brad feels like a jerk. He tells Emily he really cares about her.
Emily is feeling down on herself because she doesn’t want to make a dramatic scene. 

“I swear, I usually am pretty fun I feel like.” -Emily

At the pool party all the girls are antsy and then upset when Brad pulls Emily aside again. Chantal defends Brad’s his honor telling the girls that she is more attracted to him because he cares enough to take Emily aside to make sure she’s okay. Alli is not having it.  She’s so upset.  I think it’s because she knows she’s going home. 

“Just because somebody comes in with the worst story means they get the most attention?” -Alli, bitter because she’s going home

Brad confesses to Emily that he’s not sure what he’s thinking because all he can think about is that Emily has already met the love of her life and she’s been single for 6 years. And she chimes in with “well you’ve been in love once” to which he replies “more than once” and the she smirks and totally delivers: “well, you’re a little older than me, my dear.” Haha. Nailed it! (p.s. she’s only 24) Brad says it’s a hard space to fill and Emily’s heart sinks knowing another one of her suitors is running for the hills.

Alli sits poolside with Brad and she immediately starts crying, in my book sealing the deal on her ticket home.

Chantal gets caught saying that she loves Brad even more because he does pull Emily aside to show he cares and make sure she is okay. He calls her out on it and she gets embarrassed and then starts crying because she really likes him and knows he has strong feelings for other girls.  Whoa, rollercoaster of emotions. Brad, ever the eloquent consoler says “don’t cry, baby.”  Is it just me or does it sound totally fake when he calls the girls by pet names like baby and honey?

Michelle pulls Brad out of an awkward situation facing all the girls upset about Emily’s attention to take him into a cabana to make out. He loves it. He loves crazy ladies that like to make out. Producers do too.

The group date rose goes to Emily and the girls groan when he pulls her away. Again.

The Dreaded Two-on-One date: “Come swing with the king…two girls, one rose, one stays, one goes” – Ashley the nanny & Ashley the artist dentist
The best friends in the house. Whoa, this is gonna get awkward. Michelle is nothing but excited. For their date they are not only competing for a rose, to be the last Ashley standing, but also for a role in the Cirque du Soleil show Viva Elvis. Aptly, to the song “Are You Lonesome Tonight?”

The nanny says she just wants to be the one for somebody. Pathetic. I don’t think she actually likes Brad. The artist dentist is sad because she thinks Brad is doubting his feelings for her. This show is not easy on the self esteem.  Seriously, where’s that therapist when you need him?

At an awkward third wheel dinner Brad tells each girl what he really likes about her. I think he chose the two Ashley’s for this date for no other reason than he didn’t want to have to worry about screwing up the name. Brad gives the rose to Ashley! Haha. (See what I did there? Arent you glad we make your life easy with nicknames? You’re welcome.) The artist dentist quickly accepts the rose in case Brad made a mistake. Say goodbye to the first impression rose winner, Ashley, the nanny. See, first impressions aren’t everything.

“It feels like someone punched me in the stomach. And the heart.” – the nanny

Once Brad gets back, he starts making out with the only Ashley left. Brad looks like such a goon in his stage costume with a shirt 10 times too small cutting off circulation in his bicep. (I can’t quite put my finger on which animated toy soldier he looks like – anyone have the answer? leave a comment)  “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” plays as the nanny’s tears and snot stream down her face in the limo taking her away and as Ashley and Brad don’t do much but twirl in the air during their performance.   

This week’s call to the therapist includes a stick to the mission pep talk, “more make yourself” vulnerable advice, and Brad boasting that he’s been kissing lotsa ladies. Brad learns strength and vulnerability can coexist and he is excited about the advice because if you’ll remember last episode he took his therapist’s advice and it got him lots of tongue action. Lesson learned: listen to therapist.

Cocktail party:

  • Brad talks to Chantal O. and he wants to get to the bottom of whether she’s emotional or dramatic.
  • Alli gets dessert and champagne because she complained that it’s hard to feel special with all the other women around. It means he likes the other girls more than you. I still think you’re going home.
  • Marissa gives Brad an envelope full of little notes, acknowledging that she doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with him and he thanks her for doing something so sweet. I think she’s going home too.
  • Michelle locks herself in a room with Brad, sits him down in a chair, sits on top of him, and tells him not to talk. Dominatrix style she kisses him in between giving him orders to send girls home.

Rose ceremony:
Shawntel, the funeral director/embalmer
Emily, Southern Belle Barbie
Ashley, the artist dentist
Michelle, the crazy
Alli (ugh, so disappointed – just prolonging the inevitable)
Britt
Jackie, the Wicked/Glee singer
Chantal O.

Going home:
Lisa M. – she is super cute and tries to play it cool but has to dash out of the place and then ends up crying enough tears to fill the hotel pool.
Marissa the sports publicist – Brad begs her to “try to understand” and she’s trying to understand why she left her awesome job and what she’s gonna do now.

Next week: Costa Rica
Beverage of the evening: Newcastle Brown Ale

I’ll be filling out an online casting nomination form for my friend Heidi to be a contestant woman looking for real love on the next Bachelor because she’s hilarious and beautiful and it would really give me the inside edge to have her on the show. haha. jk. (kind of) Actually, I am just a really giving person and I want to share her beauty and talent (I hear she’s in talks to reboot the Sound of Music) and hilariousness with the world.  If you, too, would like to nominate a friend, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, current boyfriend/girlfriend, or family member, here’s the online nomination form.  If you have a fun story about who you’re nominating, please share!