The Bachelorette Recap episode 5, season 7

Another attempt at a new start, this week Ashley and her “not as good as Bentley” men (I think I shall call them Bentley Crew) are inChiang Mai,Thailand.  At the Mandarin Oriental, a super awesome line of luxury hotels – I am impressed. And jealous. Bentley’s name has already come up more times than I can count but Ashley swears that’s all behind her.  Liar!

There are 11 men left for Ashley to choose from and it looks like another is going home in an ambulance.  Other bad news (for the guys) that’s exciting for us: there’s a two-on-one date this episode!  Nothing like an awkward third wheel date to really spice up the drama and awkwardness! 

Ben F., the winemaker/orphanage painter, gets the one-on-one date and when Ashley comes to pick him up, all the men sense the palpable sexual energy between them (between Ben and Ashley, not all the men…well, it was Ames who said that so can’t be quite sure, really).

They take a Volkswagen van/bike (seriously, what was that thing?!) to a marketplace to eat street food, buy a robe, walk hand-in-hand.  Seems a lot like Constantine’s date from last week, right? Ben says it feels like he’s on vacation with his girlfriend. Ashley says she was surprised to have felt so much chemistry and meanwhile, Ben is starting to see her as a possible fiancé or wife.

There’s a lot of awkward silence which on this show always means its time to make out but because they were in front of a sacred temple they couldn’t actually kiss. Instead they had a mental kiss. Not as good. But they pretend it was and now Ashley is feeling feisty, she’s ready for dinner, where presumably they’ll be able to kiss all they want.

A gorgeous dinner table is set up surrounded by thousands of flowers on a garden lawn. They talk about how he got started in winemaking and Ben shares that his father passed away really screwing him up emotionally until the last year.  Now he’s ready for love and makin’ out. Ashley thinks Ben is getting an A+ on their date, she gives him the rose and then music starts, fire dancers come out, and Ben goes in for the kiss. Ashley is not disappointed and thinks it could be forever. (Maybe. If it’s not Bentley. Okay, I just threw that in there, but come on, you all know she was thinking it!)

Group date: Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan, JP, Mickey

The guys are excited/terrified when they figure out that they will be training with Muy Thai boxer/fighters.  Lucas has no clue about training to fight but he’s been in some street brawls. I believe him – he’s a country boy. Ames? Never been in a fight. Surprised? Not at all. Surprised thatAmes gets the pink set of boxing gear? Not at all.

They arrive at a fight and realize that they’re going to be fighting against each other. Shock! (Ashley is in a state of fright and fear the whole time…whichever producer thought up this brilliant idea probably got promoted). Here’s how the matches went down:

  • Blake v Lucas – Blake wins.
  • Mickey v JP – JP, the self proclaimed “Jew from Long Island beat the Irishman from Cleveland.”
  • Ames v Ryan – Ryan knocks Ames in the head. Ooh. Ouch.
  • Nick v Constantine- “the heavyweights”Constantine wins.

Ashley, ever they worrywart, is troubled by the far off look Ames has in his eyes so she runs to alert the paramedics to her damsel in distress and they cart him away. Not dramatic at all. I hate this show.

At the post fight party:

  • Ryan is feeling super guilty but still shows off his battle wounds.  Chicks dig scars. Write that down. Ames is back, prep boy suit and all. He has to know he can’t go home tonight – this earned him at least one more night here. Pity rose is a for sure.
  • Blake is totally getting the friend vibe from Ashley. He tells her that “love is a marathon, not a sprint” to try to win his case. 
  • Lucas is apparently more comfortable now that he’s punched some dudes in the face. He is a golfer so at Ashley’s request, he gives her a little lesson. Very cliche, very sexy.  Lucas calls Ashley out on her attraction to Bentley and she pulls that brand-spankin’-new wisdom from Blake out of her pocket to reassure Lucas that love takes a while to grow.
  • Ashley gives Blake the group date rose and he goes in for his first kiss.  

Two on one: William and Ben C. “guide me to love”

The two men paddle a boat (while Ashley sits comfortably) down the river to a little picnic area. William tells Ashley that Ben C. can’t wait to go home to all the ladies waiting for him in the realms of the online dating world. Instead of asking Ben any questions she just announces that the two on one date is over and walks Ben back to his little getaway boat. It’s a slow getaway. Definitely not romantic.  What I liked most was that in their brief “it’s been real” goodbye, Ben says something along the lines of “aw, come on, I was joking about that. It was funny. Ask anyone!” 

Wills is pleased his plan worked out. He’s at ease at dinner. Ashley asks Wills if he still feels like a 30-year-old boy. A stupid grin emerges. Ashley is not feelin’ it. She tells William she’s lost that lovin’ feelin’…whoa whoa whoa. I’m beginning to feel like Ashley is getting her brain back. She proclaims that she needs a man, not a boy. And the rose is set to burn in a firepit. So dramatic.

Cocktail Party:

  • Ryan is totally way excited. Ashley looks bored.
  • Constantinelikes Ashley’s realness.Constantineis asked if he is closer to the guys than her. He says “naturally.” Good answer, bud.
  • Ashley asks JP if he could see her in his everyday. He says that he already feels like that.  Ashley wants to tell JP what she feels for him but she’s afraid of getting hurt. And, she’s in love with Bentley.

Bentley.
Bentley.
Bentley.
Mumbles is mad at me for not keeping a Bentley counter going. Is there an app for that?

Ashley tells her ole buddy Chris Harrison that she can’t stop thinking about Bentley. Ashley wants to talk to Bentley to get some closure. 

Rose ceremony:
Ben F.
Blake
Constantine
Lucas
JP
Ames, the pity rose
Mickey
Ryan, the enthusiastic solar energy specialist 

Nick, the surfer/Matthew McConaughey look alike says a sad goodbye to love. Not as sad as Wills who earlier said he wants to go to bed and never wake up. Again, where’s that on-call therapist from last season??

Next week:Hong Kong, bad boy Bentley’s back, Mickey tellin’ it like it is (wow, he’s good looking!), lots of tears and drama. Oh, also, from the looks of it I really don’t like Ashley next week.

Can’t wait!

P.S. Anyone count how many times she said Bentley?
P.S.S. Anyone watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition after The Bachelorette?  Uh-mazing.

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