This week we may be in a new place physically (well, watching on tv – in Hong Kong) but Ashley is still in the same place mentally – all wrapped up and stupid over Bentley.  Mumbles is calling out the Bentley count but I disregard because I know we’ll be in double digits by the first commercial.  Chris Harrison meets the guys to welcome them to the tallest hotel ever. Okay, maybe not, but whoa. It’s tall.

More Bentley talk from Ashley and then Chris Harrison comes to Ashley’s suite to talk about…Bentley.  Ugh, the guy is not even here to make awful, funny comments so I am really annoyed that we have to hear so much about him.  Surprise!  Bentley is here in Hong Kong. Ashley is so touched that Bentley would come all this way just to talk with her. She’s stuck on the “dot dot dot” and can’t let it go and I can tell for once that Chris Harrison wants to flat out say “you’re a pathetic idiot and this guy’s a jerk.” But he doesn’t.  At least he is trying to be helpful for once, advising Ashley to make sure she doesn’t leave the room without answers.  No dot dot dots. My Little Lauren is watching with me tonight and she is pissed Ashley didn’t change her outfit.  Again with the oversized see through blouses.  I don’t think it’ll really matter what she’s wearing.

A kiss hello from Bentley at the door.  Awkward. Bentley says he thought about calling but that would’ve been too easy. [Read: I’m getting a free vacation out of this.]  Bentley says he’s been working. That’s it. Ashley has to ask him how his daughter Cozy is doing. “Oh, uh, yeah, uh, she’s good.”  I almost suspect at this point that he doesn’t have a daughter. That would have been an awesome con.  Bentley asks if Ashley’s okay. She says she has bug bites from the last place they were at, acting as if he just missed a city, didn’t totally desert her at week two and everything is just peachy.  Bentley says he missed her when he was home. Ashley confesses that she hasn’t been able to let him go. Bentley says a little speech that pretty much ends with, “well, uh, yeah, you should probably give it a go with the other guys.” I wish he would’ve been the hilariously evil guy he was when it was just him and the cameras so I’m utterly disappointed at how stupid this whole scene is but also somewhat proud of Ashley for pulling out the f*bomb and asking him if this is their period. (ya know, to end the “dot dot dot”…man, I hate these people). She says she needed this time away from him to be able to see through him.  Whatever.

One on one date: Lucas “let’s find our fortune on the streets of Hong Kong”
Lucas feels that this is a once in a lifetime date but little does he know that Ashley has been on this same date with practically every other man…street markets in foreign cities…seriously, these producers couldn’t book more interesting things to do? Lucas has a mission on this date: a dance, a kiss and a rose.   Lucas says his divorce was the hardest thing he’s ever been through and I think it’s scaring Ashley a little bit plus there doesn’t seem to be any romance between them so I almost think she’s going to send him home but instead she gives him the rose and a quick kiss. But, oh, Lucas is not satisfied with that – their first kiss! – how dare she initiate! So he asks for a real first kiss. I hate when guys do that. Lame. Later, Lucas gets his dance. Not as lame. And then I laugh when Ashley proclaims “there’s something about Lucas’ manlihood that makes me feel like a woman.”  Manlihood.  Awesome diction there, Ashley.

Small interjection for a personal moment: saw the Winnie the Pooh movie trailer…so going to see that. Adorable. I love Tigger. No, I don’t have children. Don’t judge me.

Group date: Ryan, Mickey, Constantine, Ames, Ben F., and Blake
Blake is disappointed that he doesn’t get the one-on-one date. He and Ryan are the only two not to have one-on-one dates yet.  The guys are informed that they’ll be dragon boat racing so they’re split up into pairs to recruit teams in the city. Ben and Constantine are having no luck convincing locals to come hang out with them so instead they resort to buying red silk kimono robes because, heck, if they’re going to show up just the two of them to row this boat, they’re dang well going to look the part.  The robes must have done the trick because all of a sudden they show up with a crowd of people. That was funny. Mickey and Ames found all the pro racers – I think it’s because Mickey is such a looker.  He’s like this generation’s Jesse Katsopolis.

The race is going well but not for Ben and Constantine, as I believe their boat is full of people who thought they were going to a comedy show or something where Ben & Constantine would entertain them.  I don’t think they specified that physical work was involved.

Ben: “we’re getting smoked”
Constantine: “like salmon, bro.”
Ben: “Our chant was supposed to mean ‘eat it.’ But we found out later it means ‘idiot.'”
Later, they’re singing row, row, row your boat. Hilarious. A+ for effort.

Post-race party:
Little Lauren again is not pleased with Ashley’s outfit choice.  “The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe,” she says.  BTW, I have to ask Little Lauren how to spell “hoe.” With an ‘e,’ really? Like the yard tool?  She lives in Long Beach, she knows these things.  

• Mickey is ridiculously good looking.
• Ames is pleased with himself. He pulls Ashley away from the group, takes her in an elevator, pushes number 48 and pulls her in for a kiss. Whoa, surprise. More kissing. Elevator doors open. Stop kissing. Doors close, kissing resumes.
• Ben kinda looks like Mr. Rogers in his yellow sweater but we like it. Ben says he’s on the path to love. Even though he was a big skeptic now his walls are down.  I think he’s sticking around.
• All the boys hate Ryan. I still find him to be too smiley.
• Blake threatens (to the camera) to pack up and go if Ryan gets the rose tonight.
• Almost perfectly timed, Ashley grabs the rose to take back to Ryan. They still don’t have good kisses. It bugs me. I think it bugs everyone.

One-on-one date: “JP, let’s take a peek into our future.”
JP is honored to have the first second one-on-one date, which does kinda suck for the guys who haven’t even had one yet. I called it, though. I figured the reason Ashley wants the one-on-one date with JP now that she’s over Bentley is because their first date was right after Bentley left and she was all sad and sulky in her PJs on their date. Not fun. Honestly, I think this date is just dinner which doesn’t make up for the mess she was on their first date, but okay.

Ashley asks what the last thing was to make him cry and JP says his it was his ex-girlfriend.  Ashley thinks he’s the whole package but for some reason feels the need to tell JP about Bentley. Maybe because she feels close to him? Or maybe because she feels like he’s her best friend, not her boyfriend. Either way, not a good idea.  Ashley is trying to justify it away but tells JP she kept thinking about Bentley. Which every man wants to hear. JP handles it well telling her he appreciates her honesty, he’s happy she got the closure she needed, and he wants to move on.  Other things that happened on this date: We find out his name – Jordan Paul – I don’t like it. Little Lauren does. Music sounds like the soundtrack to Mulan. Ashley and JP make out a lot. I’m okay with it. 

Cocktail party:

• Ashley’s boobs make an appearance. It must be giving her some confidence because she decides to tell all the guys that she completely fell for Bentley and saw him in Hong Kong to get closure. She’s excited and happy.
• The men’s reaction: Silence. Silence and drinking.
• Constantine calls her out, then so does Lucas. Lucas has the rose so I’m proud he stepped up to challenge her the most, as I’m sure they all wanted to say things but felt they couldn’t say what they felt for fear of jeopardizing their chances.
• Ryan flat out tells the guys if they don’t want to be here to just go home because he wants to be here.
• Little Lauren loves Ames. Ames says “I suppose we all want our fairytales to be simple.” Little Lauren swoons.
• [Pause for angry bird tutorial. Mumbles is newly obsessed.]
• Blake finally gets some alone time with Ashley and he tells her it isn’t sitting well with him to know that she had a lot of feelings for Bentley and he was only around for a little while. He hasn’t had a one-on-one date and this dude gets flown to Hong Kong for alone time. Ashley cries, Blake recants, gives her a hug, and they both walk away frustrated.
• “Oh, Mickey, you’re so fine” tells Ashley he feels like she lied to them. Mickey is pissed because he doesn’t see what she saw in Bentley. Mickey says if that is what you’re looking for, please send me home. He is not interested anymore. I get his point. (Lucas also made it while talking to the other guys: she’s wasted their time). Mickey advises Ashley to send him home. Ashley says he should take the initiate to leave. He does. I don’t think she thought he would. But, she’s also super insecure so I bet she was thinking she’d rather it be this than that she just didn’t measure up.  The guys respect Mickey for taking a stand on how he wants to be treated in a relationship but they also know they can’t leave because they’re not as hot as Mickey. Now, I’m not ever a fan of recycling contestants but oh, Mickey. I’d welcome him back with open arms.

At the rose ceremony Ashley thanks the guys for sticking around. It would’ve been awesome if another one left. Blake was pissed but now he’s committed to Ashley and is concerned about her feelings. You have to tell her, not the camera. It’s too late, dude.

Roses:
JP
Lucas
Ryan
Ben F.
Constantine
Ames 

Blake doesn’t seem distraught, but disappointed. He said he wants a friend. I’m a little sad for him. I think I would’ve liked him a lot. I don’t particularly like Ashley so I’m not too sad about him or Mickey leaving. (Dodged a bullet!

Coming up: Taiwan, trains, tai chi, a glitter tuxedo (take one guess at who’s wearing it), Fiji, yachts, mud, swimming, men not ready for proposals, someone’s coming back? Lots of crying and a broken heart.

P.S. The clip at the end of Ashley and Ben talking in their puppy voices is funny and only furthers my obsession with getting a dog. I will have one. And you’ll meet him/her one day on this here blog.

Libation of the evening:  Wild Coyote Rosé of Syrah, 2010