Night two of back-to-back Bachelor episodes puts us in Canada, don’cha know. And it’s cold and snowy and beautiful at Lake Louise where the gang is holed up in the mountains at the Fairmont.  Fancy!  They’re definitely not roughing it.  Here’s a recap of episode 6:

One-on-One Date:  Catherine — “Let’s find our fairy tale ending.”

The date starts off with Catherine standing solemnly, alone in the cold, cold snow.  And then along comes her man, trucking along in a big snow bus.  Is it just me or does this terrain look a little too fierce for Sean to be in charge of navigating that glacier?!  Just me, ey?

Following an afternoon braving a snow storm to play around, go sledding, do cartwheels and handstands, and make snow angels, a carriage ride takes them to a private date in an ice castle built just for them.  They use their intimate surroundings to get to be a bit more serious than their usual giddy, grinning selves.

When she was 12 years old, Catherine says she went to summer camp with her best friend and on a trail walk a tree fell on a girl in front of her, killing her instantly.  Catherine says this explains why she is the way she is — appreciative of her life and willing to make the most of every moment.  It helped her realize, she said, that she most wants to have a partner in life and to find great love and start a family.  Sean is smitten and gives Catherine a rose to assure her how special she is and how much he cares for her.

Group Date:  AshLee, Daniella, Selma, Lesley, Tierra, Sarah, Lindsay — “Let’s bare our souls.”

The group is shocked that Daniella is included on the group date, as she’s the only girl left to not experience a one-on-one date with Sean.  That’s saying something, ey?  The group date starts off with a canoe ride across the lake — fortunate for Lesley, she’s a quick study and realizes there’s room for one girl in Sean’s canoe so she hops on in.  Once the girls all get to the other side of the lake, they’re hoping for a hot tub or something relaxing (and warm), but instead Sean tells the girls to suit up for a polar bear plunge in the freezing cold water.  Does not sound fun at all.  Lindsay is the only one who seems really excited.  Sean is quick to introduce the lifeguard and EMT who warns the gals about hypothermia.

Selma is a smarty who opts out of the plunge and leisurely reapplies her lip balm instead. AshLee is seriously considering not taking the plunge, but she sees this as the ultimate show of faith and her feelings for Sean so she goes through with it anyway.  Sean and all the girls run and jump in and are extremely invigorated when they’re back on land and cozying up in their robes.  Everyone except Tierra who can’t seem to breathe.  The emergency team wraps her up and whisks her away. And by whisk her away, I mean they carry her.  Seriously, people? You don’t have a golf cart or something to transport a little quicker?  In any case, it’s all very shaky camera and serious.   That is until she gets back into the hotel room and gets a latte in her hands and then all she can say is something along the lines of missing time with Sean.  Instead of a hot mess, Tierra’s a cold mess with mascara running down her face.  Once she gets all cleaned up in a solo suite, surprise, surprise, Sean shows up to console her and even she says coyly “I don’t want you to see me like this — for the third time!”  Huh.  You’d think this guy would’ve caught on by now, but that is just not the case.

The group date girls are all ecstatic for an evening that’ll be Tierra-free.  Lesley and Sean get some alone time and she uses the opportunity to tell Sean how crazy she is about him.  They both use the word “love” a lot.  A lot.  There’s a lot of love. No “I love you” — no, no.  But they both love lots of things about each other.

Sarah has a surprise planned for Sean — some old family photos she uses to show him a glimpse into her family life so that he might want to come home and meet them soon.  Sarah gets a quick peck on the mouth but I’m definitely not seeing any sparks flying.  Nothing like the stuff Taylor Swift songs are made of.

Despite telling Tierra not to come to the party so that she could rest and take care of herself, the sneaky little devil shows up anyway.  But not before spritzing half a bottle of perfume forming an impenetrable cloud around her.  Pee-yew! Yuck.  It’s also awesomely timed because she walks in in the middle of all the girls having a bash session.

“Everybody: watch your back! We have a Tierra-ist on our hands.” — Lesley.

Sean asks Tierra if she wants a proposal at the end of the season and instead of the speech she gave last night about how she could get engaged to anyone she wanted, she gives a very scripted “I just want to be happy in our life together.”

Happily, Lindsay steals Sean away for a hot and heavy makeout session.  She seems satisfied, even when Lesley wins the group date rose.

When Sean gets back to the hotel room after the group date, his heart is heavy because he realizes that he doesn’t see a future with Sarah and she’s spent a good chunk of her evening with him telling him about how much she wants him to meet her family.  As soon as Sean sits Sarah down, she knows what’s coming.  Sean says he feels like he’s reaching trying to make things work and he’s looking to her hoping she’ll agree and I’m happy she lets him keep talking to try and explain himself but she finally does let him know that she’s surprised and disappointed but she’s also super classy about it all — even as he tells her in a very Chris Harrison-esque way: “You know, whenever you’re ready. Just take your time.”  Jerk. Waits for her downstairs in the lobby instead of in the hallway. Can’t even help her carry her bags?  Sheesh.

One-on-One Date: Desiree — “Don’t be scared…to fall in love.”

Desiree is the first lady contender to get a second one-on-one date.  Sean realizes that Desiree is questioning his feelings for her, and whether she should even be there.  The duo hikes up Tunnel Mountain for a stunning view of Banff National Forest.  Sean is making her work for her food — they’ll repel down the mountain to a picnic spot.  I feel like we’ve seen a version of this, no? Yes. Yes, we have. But that lady just went home so not to worry aboot that.  (See what I did there?!)

Side note: I think I’ve decided that Desiree looks a bit like Katharine McPhee.  Right? Is that it?  (Speaking of her, SMASH is back — yesss!!!)

During their picnic, they both reassure each other about their own feelings and Desiree says she’s decided to commit to seeing this thing through because she thinks they may have something really special. Sean concurs. And just like a scene straight out of Twilight (minus the spider monkey flying), Sean and Desiree shimmy up a tree.

For their evening entertainment, they’ve got a cozy little bonfire in an awesome teepee.  Love that! So fun.  Des says when she was young her family didn’t have money so she’s lived in a tent (probably not as nice as that teepee), a fifth wheel, a trailer, apartments…she says that money is really not important to her at all.  She says her parents always made it work and looking back she never felt any tension or resentment but that she knew love and putting others first, which is why she’s so humble and just focused on creating a house full of love for her own life.  Sean is impressed.  Boy, is he! Such a perfect answer for him!  Sean tells us that he can see himself proposing to Des.  I think that’s the first time we’ve heard that out his mouth, ey?!?   Needless to say, woman of his dreams Desiree gets the rose.

“I opened up about spending some of my life living in a tent and here I am falling in love in a teepee.”  — Desiree. Best quote ever.

Cocktail Party:

• Sean says at this point in the game, if he can’t picture a woman raising a family with him, then he can’t keep her here anymore.  Dun dun duun duuuun…
• Selma feels like she missed out because she didn’t do the polar bear plunge so now she’s going to break her mother’s heart and kiss Sean on national television.  Her family is shamed. I’m sure her cleavage isn’t embarrassing her family at all and that it was the PG kiss that really threw them all over the edge.
• When Lindsay gets alone time with Sean she tells him up front that there will be absolutely no kissing because apparently that’s all they ever do.  That’s funny.  Sean wants to know something about Lindsay and she says “I sleep naked.”  His response: “I respect that. I won’t argue with that.”  They are goofy and funny and even I’m smiling.  They also can’t help but keep their hands and lips off of each other and end up making out anyway.  Solid effort, you two.
• AshLee, a self-identified control freak, decides to act out a little trust exercise by bringing a blindfold so Sean can lead her around, a symbol that she’s relinquishing control to him in order to lead their relationship.  Very Fifty Shades, ey?
• Still seems like Daniella didn’t get any significant alone time.

Roses:

• Catherine, the giddy one
• Lesley, the funny one
• Desiree, the tree climber
• Lindsay, the liplocker
• AshLee, control freak
• Tierra, crazy freak

Going Home: Selma is “leaving with a heartbreak and a memory” and Daniella feels slighted because she didn’t even have a chance to get to know Sean (which is probably why she’s going home).    

Coming up this season: With six girls left, they’re now off to warmer weather in St. Croix. Hallelujah!  Plane rides, dancing, jumping off boats, falling in love, rolling around in the sand, a tear-filled Tierra crazy freakout/well-executed plan.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

With 11 ladies left, there are three dates this week including a group date, a one-on-one date and the dreaded two-on-one date where someone gets sent home.  Good news is the ladies are headed off for some traveling adventures — first stop: Montana.  (we hear someone in the background exclaim “What?!” and I agree. Not as cool as somewhere exotic abroad.)  Here’s a recap of episode 5:

“I’ll make the best of it,” says Tierra the Tierrable as she swats at flies.  Welcome to Montana.

One-on-One Date:  Lindsay — “Let love soar.”

Lindsay is so excited to get the one-on-one date that she’s crying whilst all the other girls cry inside wondering if they’ll be sent home as the third wheel on the awkward two-on-one date.

Sean says Lindsay’s wedding dress stunt on the first night almost sent her home but now he’s excited to put her adventurous side to the test, starting with a helicopter ride.  They take off for a tour of Glacier National Park.  Let’s just hope she doesn’t get stranded on the glacier a la crazy “guard and protect your heart” Kasey from Ali’s season.  Sean says he really likes Lindsay because she’s not high maintenance and they exchange “I feel like I know you so well” compliments in between makeout sessions during their picnic.

Later on, things heat up with a cozy fireside and wine chat.  Lindsay talks about her dad being gone during the war when she was a teenager, which Sean believes explains why she wants to settle down and start a family so much.  And that’s his soft spot so they start making out.  Once they come up for air, Sean gives her the rose.

“I just want her to know how extremely special she is and you know, we come from two different backgrounds but at the same time we do share the same morals and I think we both want the same things.  More than that, I think we get along so well and it clicks so easily.  That’s just two personalities gelling together and that’s probably more exciting than anything else.” — Sean, about his relationship with Lindsay.

The final surprise Sean has for Lindsay is Sarah Darling (?) performing “Home to Me” and it looks as if the whole small town of Whitefish, Montana is there to watch them sway back and forth in attempt to dance.

Group Date: Selma, AshLee, Desiree, Catherine, Sarah, Lesley, Robyn, Daniella — “You make my heart race.”

Selma can’t kiss so she runs full on to jump in Sean’s arms to greet him.  There’s a whole lotta “ya’ll” in Sean’s vocabulary now that we’re in the country.  And as they approach goats, one of the girls wonders out loud: “are those dogs?” (My money is on Daniella).  Chris Harrison welcomes them to The Bachelor’s Montana Wilderness Relay: a canoe race, bucking hay, sawing through a 12″ log, and milking a goat (and drinking it!). The winning team moves onto the second part of the date and the losers go home with goat’s milk on their breath.

The red team: Selma, Desiree, Sarah and Robyn.
The blue team: AshLee, Leslie, Daniella and Catherine.

Lesley, determined to win, has a little pep talk with the goat about drinking its milk. And in a Dr. Doolittle moment, comes to an agreement with the goat: “He said he’ll make it chocolate for me.” Oh, Lesley.  You need more camera time!

Selma and Robyn are awful at canoeing. Just wretched.  But then the blue team breaks their hay bales in half. Oh, and the poor goats are just getting violated.  And finally, kudos to Desiree who chugged the milk that she just retrieved out of that poor goat. The blue team loses and the driver of their getaway van makes them stay just long enough to see the red team’s champagne toast with Sean.  Ouch.

In the second half of their date night, the intimate group heads to a bar whilst Chris Harrison greets the losing blue team back at their hotel.  He surprises the blue team with a date card from Sean that reads “Sending you home didn’t feel good. Please join me at the party tonight.” Redeemed, the girls are probably thinking they shouldn’t have been pity drinking so hard back at the hotel in their pj’s, but they suit up and get ready. Sean breaks the news to the red team and Desiree, the goat milk guzzler, is livid. And rightly so. She should at least get a rose.  That stuff wasn’t pasteurized.

By the looks of it, Tierra’s been writing an 18-page scornful letter, front and back, and she’s determined to go find Sean and give him a piece of her pissed off mind. Not even thinking enough to put on a sweater, Tierra, marches herself right into that bar.  Cuh-razy!  She questions Sean for giving her a two-on-one date and all but tells him to send Jackie home.

Desiree gets some alone time with Sean and is sure to let him know how disappointed she is because of how much effort she put into the race to get quality time with him, only to have it squandered.  Further evidenced when AshLee promptly interrupts that alone time.  Point well made, Desiree.  Sad thing is that he probably thinks she’s being whiny, but she was being totally honest.  But honesty doesn’t win anything, especially not the makeout session that AshLee and Sean are having while Desiree’s in the other room pouting.

“Catherine is someone that all I wanna do is, like, snuggle with her…I enjoy being affectionate towards her and just being with her and showing her how much I care about her. I just love being with Catherine.” — Sean, on his relationship with Catherine.  By gosh, she’s just darling. And all smiley and giddy.

Daniella is emotional and upset when she walks outside to find Catherine sitting on Sean’s lap.  Desiree is definitely the best one in the house because she’s already got the camera angles figured out enough to know how to block Daniella’s ugly crying from view.  Now that’s a girl you wanna be friends with.  Desiree for next Bachelorette, anyone?!  Anyhoo…now that Sean’s back from gallivanting with Catherine, he takes Daniella away to go talk it out and make-it-out on a coach somewhere to make her feel better.  When in doubt: make out.  Works. Every. Time.  Daniella gets the group date rose!  Robyn is Bitter Betty (and it’s probably gonna get her sent home).

One-on-One Date: Tierra & Jackie — “Love is a wild ride.” (Two women, one rose, one stays, one goes.)

Sweet, pretty Jackie thinks that Sean will see Tierra’s devil side.  Oh, you.  That’s precious. It seems she’s going to play the friend card in attempt to warn Sean about Tierra’s tierra-ble side.  Apparently Tierra was flirting with a cute guy at the airport, which she tells him because she’s absolutely sure that he’d want to know. Ugh, this never works! Ladies and gents, if you ever go on this show remember: the one who tattles always gets sent home. Always!  Write that down.

Sean seems like he doesn’t know about Jackie yet and Tierra’s a safe bet that he just wants to feel up out a little more. Following an afternoon of horseback riding, the trio has a romantic, fireside dinner that’s inevitably super awkward.  Sean says if he could be somewhere else, he’d like to be there.  For the first time we hear Sean admit that Tierra’s probably full of drama.  Tierra gives the negative-is-a-positive interview answer to how she’s feeling: “I just have the biggest heart” which equates to “I care too much.”  She opens up to Sean about being scared to open up because she is scared of losing someone again — basically she’s just scared. She tells the story of how she lost her best friend who passed away, a guy she knew for 13 years, dated and stood by as he was in and out of rehab.  It apparently is this sob story that leads Sean to find some redeeming qualities in Tierra, enough to keep her around and give her the rose.

As she exits, Jackie warns Sean to be careful with his heart.  Why does this tattling person every season say things that are so vague?  Why not give explicit examples and documentation?  Write this stuff down, people!  Give him a list. There’s gotta be a better way.

After Jackie exits, Sean and Tierra have a little picnic to watch some private fireworks whilst the rest of the girls at the hotel look on in awe. Cue crazy Tierra the Tierrable laugh.

Cocktail Party:

• Desiree gets more reassurance from Sean but it gets a little rocky when Desiree calls Sean unpredictable and Sean defensively asks if she’s talking about Tierra.  They seem able to get past it but there’s some lingering confusion.
• Tierra is bored and wants to spice things up.  “I honestly wish I was a fighter. I honestly do. Because I would beat the s*&! out of these bitches.” — Tierra the Tierrable.
• In response, Robyn says “I am so sick of her. I’m gonna take this to Bad Girl’s Club.” Robyn approaches her with a backup posse of Lesley and Catherine to call Tierra out on her two-sided BS — she won’t talk to anyone in the house but then the cameras turn on or Sean shows up and she lights up and puts on her show.  Tierra’s retort is that she’s over it all and if she really wanted to get engaged, she could easily go get engaged with any of the plenty of guys in the world.
• Desiree appropriately notes that Tierra needs a Xanax and to be sent home.  Sean is still clueless but he happens to walk by in the middle of Tierra’s furious rant.  He pulls Tierra aside so she can tell him that she’s being attacked by every single girl in the house. And she’s a no-drama person. And she can only handle so much.  Sean might be catching on a bit and questions when Tierra proclaims:  “I am such a nice girl and no one gives me credit here.”
• Sean pulls Lesley aside and asks her flat out if he needs to know anything about Tierra, with specifics.  Lesley is trying to act classy about this but she’s still vague so Sean isn’t much the wiser. All he knows is that Tierra’s not that nice. Apparently.

Roses:

• Lindsay
• Daniella
• Tierra the Tierrable
• Celibate Selma
• Catherine
• Lesley
• AshLee
• Sarah
• Desiree

Going Home:  Jackie and Robyn.

Coming up tomorrow night: a polar bear plunge and someone’s not breathing.  Tierra the Tierrable.  Probably just a set up so she can say “you took my breath away.”   It gets ugly. But it is a good show, I’ll give her that.

Coming up this season: bears, Canadian Rockies, waterfalls, ice castles, bikinis, lots of crying, monkeys!, elephants, lanterns, declarations of love,  lots of making out, and a Dear Sean letter on proposal day.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

Shirtless Sean is back again and not only that, but we get a lovely ground-up shot of our Bachelor in his tighty blackies (is that what you call black boxer briefs?) so we know it’s time for this show to get a bit more steamy.  Leslie H. is crying four minutes into this episode because she just wants a date.  So does everyone else, lady. Calm down.  Here’s a recap of week 4:

One-on-One Date:  Selma — “Let’s turn up the heat.”

Sean says that he’s really looking forward to spending time with Selma and giving her a little surprise.  In the limo, Selma makes sure to announce her weight: 110.  Just in case you didn’t catch that shameless plug.  Also, we’re pretty sure half that body weight is being held in the general vicinity of her push-up sports bra.  They pull up to the airport and Sean has a private jet waiting with a red carpet rolled out.  Sounds like a glamorous start to the date, but don’t get ahead of yourself, there Selma. You’re still in workout clothes.  In the middle of the desert.

“I got the limo, I got the jet, and then he took the Iraqi to the desert,” says an utterly disappointed Selma.

They hop in a jeep and head off to Joshua Tree National Park where they’ll be rock climbing.  Selma is not impressed and definitely not pleased.  She hates heights, loathes heat, and is similar to AshLee in that she probably doesn’t like anything that has to do with activities.  It’s gonna be a long climb, I can tell ya that much. But, Selma finds her inner goddess and scurries up the rock — I think just far enough up in front of Sean so that he can’t hear her cursing. Also, it’s pretty clear Sean told her to head up first so he could stare at her butt the whole way whilst the camera can shoot down her shirt, all the while listening to her grunting up that rock just so Sean might know what she sounds like in bed.  She’s a clever one, that Selma.

For dinner that night, Sean still doesn’t want Selma to feel at ease so he’s sucked all the glamour out of this part of the date too, bringing her to a dinner in a cute little campground area with a country glam trailer for Selma.  They lounge, lying together when Selma lets us in on her background: she grew up in a conservative, strict Arabic home; she wasn’t allowed to date and she says her parents put a lot of pressure on her.  Sean tells the camera how much he wants to kiss her, but Selma says she needs to explain herself to Sean so that he understands why she can’t kiss him on camera in front of all of America.  Selma says she won’t let Sean kiss her until she’s his only lady.  So, scratch that: not so steamy of an episode.

But then she goes and makes a really taunting statement: “I can take you home but I can’t kiss you.”  Jerk.  Seriously, this must be a game because why else would you come on national television for a dating competition?  Really?

Group Date: Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Catherine, Amanda, AshLee, Sarah, Tierra — “I’m looking for a woman who can roll with the punches.”

Catherine is psyched. Linsday thinks they’re getting in giant hamster ball things and rolling down a hill.  She’s wrong.  They’re playing (do you play?) roller derby.  I’m not quite sure why people do this.  Who likes this?  Answer: Tierra. Tierra likes this.  Sean calls it from the get go: Tierra and Amanda are going to be hardcare competitors. Amanda lies and tells all the other girls she’s a roller derby pro.  Robyn’s doing the splits because she can’t even stand up in skates.  You’d think that she’s just not coordinated (see out-of-the-limo acrobatics disaster), but it turns out all the girls are taking dives left and right.

Who’s the a-hole who decided to put the one-armed girl in a vicious, physical competition?  Thank the Lord for the sweet, supportive preacher’s adopted daughter who encourages her, while Sean just stands there looking like an oaf.  He finally gets a clue and spends some time reassuring her.

Amanda’s psycho side is definitely coming out but then she takes a face dive. Oooh. Ouch.  Sarah says she heard Amanda’s chin smack on the ground.  As she’s cupping her face, Sean desperately asks: “where does it hurt?!”  Idiot.  The medic comes and tells Amanda that she could have a broken jaw. So she’s whisked off to the hospital and much to the girls’ delight, Sean tells them they don’t have to compete and instead they’ll be free skating.  Phew!

• At the rooftop party, Tierra’s angry eyes are starting to show the devil within.
• Sean pulls Sarah aside and she’s relieved to have time alone with him because she’s very embarrassed following her difficulty with roller derby.
• Amanda arrives during the party and Sean pulls her away to talk. Amanda admits that she plays dirty and will milk the heck out her injuries to get ahead.  All she gets is a kiss on the chin.  Totally not worth it.
• Tierra and Robyn are ready to rumble but instead Tierra says she’s ready to walk out.  And then she does.  She asks a producer if she can leave and then she goes on a hunt to find Sean as he is making out with Lindsay.  Cue the emotional meltdown.  Meanwhile, Sean and Lindsay have changed into bathing suits to get in the hot tub but Tierra pulls him away. Tierra tries to explain to Sean the torture that she’s enduring because she’s so sensitive. And, you know, no one knows what this experience is like.  Not anyone who’s been on any of these 17 seasons.  No one.  Ugh.  Tears are gone, heart to heart is happening, and then she breaks character and smirks a bit.  She makes it pretty clear she wants her alone time with him — either a date or a rose — and when he excuses himself to grab the rose, those cuh-ray-zee eyes come out and she knows she’s got her man.  What.A.Sucker.  This season’s Bentley for sure.
• The other girls are pissed.  And, it appears Robyn may be the one to try to make Sean see Tierra’s dark side.  That never bodes well.

One-on-One Date: Leslie H. — “Could this be forever?” (and fancy diamond earrings!!)

Not only does Leslie get to wear some fancy schmancy earrings, they get a fancy convertible to match.  In a very Pretty Woman-esque date, Sean takes Leslie to Rodeo Drive to go shopping.  Is everyone forgetting that Julia Roberts was a hooker in that movie?  Ha. Just kidding.  Super fun date. Except, the dresses are awful.  She finds a dress, shoes and a purse, and Sean gets suited up in a tuxedo to surprise her with a trip to Neil Lane to add a 120-carat diamond collar necklace to her ensemble.  It’s like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I’m surprised they aren’t followed by diamond guards all night.

The final surprise of the night is a private dinner.  Conversation over dinner is awkward.  I think the diamonds are a consolation prize and he intends on saying goodbye to her this evening.  Everything she’s saying sounds great but there doesn’t seem to be any chemistry between them, right?  Sounds like an interview.  Sean says Leslie is gorgeous, conversation is effortless but the connection just isn’t there.  Not surprised. More compliments.  It’s like a compliment sandwich, with the meat really being that he’s just not that into her.

Sean just gets right into it, picking up the rose and telling Leslie that this was such a romantic date and day and yet he still doesn’t feel a romantic connection with her.  “So yeah, Leslie, I can’t give you the rose.”  And I am surprised those diamond guards aren’t standing outside ready to strip her of that necklace.

What’s worse is that Ben Taylor (should I know who that is?) was there to perform live just for them.  Jerk.  Should’ve had at least a few dances with her before he said goodbye.  She never got to take those new shoes for a spin.  Sad story.

Back at the mansion, the girls are jealous that Leslie gets to keep the diamonds, even as her bags are taken from the house.  Well, Leslie, consider yourself lucky. Not everyone gets diamonds!

Cocktail Party:

• Sean showers AshLee with compliments and reassurance that he’s always thinking about her.  They kiss.
• Robyn tries out really awful pick up lines on Sean – a totally cliche take on “want some chocolate?” – and they kiss.  She’s freaking out because she’s so happy.  Giddy even.
• The girls are gathered around the mansion fire talking behind Tierra’s back, which essentially is pointless because she already has a rose. And because she heard them.
• Tierra asks Robyn and Jackie for alone time so she can apologize.  She must realize one of them will go running to Sean to tattle so she’s taking the offense.  Instead of an apology, Tierra tells Robyn that it’s her fault for assuming she didn’t like her, and then tells Jackie she’s learned to put up with her. Wasn’t much of an apology but they both accept.  Tierra admits it was totally fake and forced. She’s here to win, folks.
• In alone time with Sean, Tierra tries to get sympathy from Sean with the “girls don’t like me” and “I hate drama” cards, and Sean is still blind so he lets her play those cards all night.
• Catherine has a healthy perspective on understanding Tierra’s got a reign on everyone in the house so she’s decided to ignore it and just focus on Sean. She’s got a piece of paper with her lip prints on it tucked into her lady parts — frisky! And then as if that wasn’t forward enough, she blurts out: “I”m so attracted to you.”  The tension is building and they really want to make out but everyone else is watching so Catherine proposes a walk.  Good plan.  After more exchanges of “I like you” and “no, I like you” back and forth, they have a sweet kiss out front where no prying eyes (except the cameras) can see.

Roses:

• Selma
• Tierra
• Catherine
• Desiree
• Lindsay
• Lesley
• Robyn
• AshLee
• Sarah
• Jackie
• Daniella (though he barely got her name out of his mouth…whoa, awkward)

Going Home:  Leslie (with her diamonds) and I-almost-broke-my-face-for-you-Amanda (whose outfit I really liked).

Coming up: next week there are two days of Bachelor with a plane ride, snow, a concert, dancing, helicopters, fields, blindfolds, horse & buggy rides, tears, crazy laughs, bikinis, and maybe a hospital visit.  Our guess is a polar bear plunge date turned hypothermic disaster.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

Shirtless Sean is back for episode 3.  It’s not that tense yet, but the fun is just starting, right?  Here’s a recap of week 3:

One-on-One Date: Lesley M.  — “How long will this love last?”

Lesley packs her bags just in case she gets the boot (what a way to start off your date, right?) and saunters away with Sean to the Guinness World Records in Hollywood. Lesley says it’s normal and fun to hang out with Sean by herself, ya know, doing normal date-like stuff.  But let’s face it: she’s totally bummed there’s no helicopter or fancy diamonds.

Sean tells Lesley that his dad set a Guinness World Record for driving the 48 states in the shortest amount of time. And then he tells he lays it on her (well, not yet, actually) — they’re there to try to break a world record of their own:  longest on-screen kiss! A crowd has gathered in Hollywood to watch and cheer them on, which is super awkward and I’m surprised I’m not in the crowd live tweeting the awkwardness.  P.S. In addition to wishing I was a florist so I could make a killing as a sponsor of this rose-filled show, I now also wish I had some stock in Chapstick. That’s gonna come in handy right now. Seriously, advertisers should be clever like that.  Write that down.

The current on-screen kiss record has stood for over 10 years at 3 minutes and 10 seconds and I just tell Mumbles that I think they must have it wrong because I’m sure there’s lots of films with more than three minutes of consecutive kissing but most people just won’t cop to watching it. Ha. I kid. But seriously.  Perhaps it’s for the rule that their lips must not break from one another (apparently no extra points for tongue here, which is fine by me).

“At first it’s so passionate and then it’s just a little awkward.”
– Lesley, who keeps making it awkward whilst she continuously claws at his head and opens her eyes.

More than three minutes later, the record is broken and they get a fancy framed certificate (but still not a lip balm in sight). Yay! Confetti. Now, onto alone time…Sean says he feels very comfortable with Lesley. And he’s even more smitten with her when she talks enviously about her parents’ marriage. It’s like these girls know that the family thing could possibly be a soft spot with this guy.  I wonder…

Lesley shyly tells Sean that he makes her very nervous…she giggles a bit, tucks the hair behind the ear, blushes…and then they make out. Meet Lesley’s move. Works like a charm! Watch for that in future episodes. I’m sure it’ll be back.

To conclude their evening on the Roosevelt Hotel rooftop, Sean gives a lovely little speech about how quickly he’s developed butterflies for Lesley and as they kiss there’s a loud bang but not to worry, this isn’t my wedding night and that bang isn’t a drive by shooting (true story, but I digress…), it’s just more confetti being released.

Group Date: Kacie, Robyn, Leslie H., Kristy, Catherine, Desiree, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie, and Tierra — “Who’s going to win my heart?”

“I’m glad I’m not on the group date because I have a feeling it has something to do with activity…” – AshLee

It doesn’t take long for Sean’s shirt to come off, at the ladies’ insistence, of course. After some frolicking in the sun, buzzkill Chris Harrison shows up and splits the group into two teams. After a horrible, clumsy game of beach volleyball, the blue team wins and the red team is frustrated, sad and doing a bit of sore losing if we’re being honest. Furthermore, I’d say Sarah probably would’ve played better than most of those girls.

Now that the group is down to half, everyone is vying for some quality time with our stud muffin Sean.

Lindsay is getting even more swimfan-like if that’s even possible and she’s already talking about being best friends and reading each others thoughts and I’m sure producers cut out a part about bunnies and sunshine to go along with those roses but surprisingly, Sean’s not scared off yet so they just make out.

Sean says he loves Desiree’s confidence and he doesn’t think he’ll tire of spending time with her. “You won’t; I’m fun,” she replies. I like her. She continues to share her philosophies on life, explaining that she sees beauty in the world and enjoys life and that’s why she’s so happy. Gosh, she’s just a doll, isn’t she?

Amanda tries to bring a funny lady vibe to her time with Sean and fasts forward to tell him how awesome she’s going to make their marriage. When she returns back to the group of girls, she makes sure to let them all know she’s getting a rose, which only grinds Desiree’s gears. And now Kacie can foresee there’s drama a brewin’ so she’s going to put herself back in the friend zone and tattle to Sean. But good boy Sean knows well enough to ask Kacie why she would bring that to him because both the other girls seem fine and haven’t said anything to him. “But why are you involving yourself in that?” says Sean, perplexed. “I just want you to act like Kacie, not like this crazy person.” Wah wah wah… You’d think by now she would know that the person who runs to tell the Bachelor something about the other girls never gets anywhere but gone.

“This has been a night I’d prefer to rewind and start again or completely forget about.” – Kacie

Sean gives the group date rose to Lindsay and now Kacie can’t stop crying.

One-on-One Date: AshLee  — “Do you believe in magic”
Before this date starts, there’s a bit of controversy because Tierra thinks she’s being he house jester by saying Selma’s name is on the date card too, leading them to believe it’s a two-on-one date and someone might be going home.  You can almost see it in Tierra’s eyes: the “OMG girls, tots just kidding! I’m such a jokester!” And the girls are not amused. And it’s probably a good thing it’s not an elimination date because I already had AshLee pegged to be going home. Ha.

While AshLee’s waiting for her prince to come swoop her up for her date, Tierra falls down the stairs. When the paramedics get her in the collar and on a stretcher, Tierra refuses to go with them.

“She will go as far as she can minus the hospital.”
– AshLee on Tierra’s performance.

The “magic” is at Six Flags Magic Mountain, a place for which AshLee is completely inappropriately dressed. The amusement park is shut down just for them for the day, but Sean has invited two girls with chronic illnesses who love The Bachelor to join them for the date. It’s a darling story, actually. Kudos to you, ya big teddy bear of a Bachelor!

AshLee says her heart is thrilled to see Sean choosing to give back. After a day of riding roller coasters, playing carnival games and winning oversized stuffed animals, the Eli Young Band performs a private show for the four of them. And it’s so sweet when one of the girls says under her breath that she’s never been to a concert. Precious. Also, Sean cannot dance. Awful.

During alone time AshLee tells Sean she wants a big family and would like to adopt older kids, and Sean confides that it’s also been on his heart to adopt children. After she tells Sean the story of meeting her dad for the first time, Sean tears up and AshLee goes in for the friendly hug. Sean gives her a rose. The band plays a slow song, they stare into each other’s eyes and have their first kiss.

Cocktail Party:
Sean takes Sarah outside and a limo pulls up which freaks her out because she thinks he’s escorting her out to send her home but it turns out he has arranged for her dog, Leo, to come visit. Very nice, but all I can think is maybe he should have brought the dog at the beginning of the week since he left her lounging around the house without a date. Just sayin’.

Tierra is pissed off when Desiree interrupts her alone time so Tierra steals him back. And then that happens with every other girl. Steal after steal after steal. And poor Desiree was still waiting on that couch because hours ago Sean promised he’d return. Oops.

Kacie tries to apologize but Sean seems disinterested. Looks like having played this game before has not put her at an advantage. She’s been around crazy too long! Before the rose ceremony Sean pulls Kacie outside to tell her that he thinks they are better off as friends. Kacie says she left Ben’s season with no regrets but she’s got a lot of them to mull over this time around.  Should make for some fun fodder for The Girls Tell All.

Roses:
Tierra
Leslie H.
Catherine
Daniella
Robyn
Selma
Sarah
Jackie
Amanda
Desiree

Going Home:
Taryn is sad she didnt open up more but wonders if shes not sweet enough for him. Kristy is level-headed but somber. And then the tears. Do you think Kacie going home was a set up to possibly make her the next Bachelorette??

Coming up:
Fast cars, fancy jewels, cuddling close, plane rides, bad come on lines, roller derby, and the reign of Tierra.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

In case you have a tendency to fast forward through commercials too quickly, The Bachelor has made it easy for you by beginning yet another episode with Sean working out, pumpin’ iron…showering. The usual.  And more of the usual firsts for these first dates — helicopter, jumping off stuff from high up, photo shoot, dress up, pool party, making out,

photo via Todd Wawrychuk | ABC

First One-on-One Date: Sarah — “Are you ready to fall in love today?”

And with our first one-on-one date, we also get our first helicopter of the season.  Sean takes Sarah on a romantic ride to a rooftop where they free fall down 300 feet for a champagne toast that awaits them at the bottom.

During down time together, Sarah tells Sean a story of going to Vegas and being told that because she has a disability, she wasn’t able to go ziplining.  Her father told her in that moment that she needed to find a man strong enough to console her and be there for her during all the trials she’ll face, which is why she’s in awe of Sean asking her to do something so bold as to jump off a building together.

When asked about past relationships, Sarah says she’s only had one serious relationship that ended because they didn’t have enough in common and she’s looking for more adventures. Sean gives Sarah a rose on a rooftop and he says that he’s blown away by their first date and he has butterflies and really wants a first kiss with her…and there it is: the first kiss. And then this, already, and too soon: Sarah says she’s falling in love with Sean. We may have a stage 5 clinger on our hand. (Ouch, that was bad. I know).

Group Date: Kristy, Amanda, Brooke, Lesley M., Daniella, Catherine, Robin, Katie, Selma, Diana, Taryn, Kacie, and Tierra — “Let’s capture the romance.”

The limo full o’ ladies arrives at a huge mansion to take photos for romance novel book covers.  The models in the house are ecstatic. Everyone else: not so much. The four categories of costume are: cowgirls, vampires, sexy (how is that a category? gosh, it’s just like Halloween!), and historical.  Sean and Lesley M. are the first pairing to start making out in front of the camera and all the other gals are livid. Meanwhile, Kristy the model is confident that her whole life has been leading up to this moment. Everyone concurs and Kristy wins the book deal.  I must say that the vampire girls really got screwed. Not hot.

Later at the pool party, Lesley M. pulls Sean away from the crowd to go chat. Sean asks her why she’s on the show and she confesses it’s “for love; I’m hopeful.”  At this point you can tell Sean realizes he can dive in and kiss any girl at any time — competition is fierce — but Lesley gets in her own way and appears to literally shrink on screen as she crosses her legs and arms and all but just folds into herself.  Horrid body language for someone who apparently is attracted to the guy sitting right in front of her.

Meanwhile, Daniella is drunk. But she’s not so drunk that she doesn’t recognize Lesley M. is on the prowl to hunt down Sean for another liplock session.  (She does.  And they do.)

Kacie tells Sean why she’s into him and he simply looks bored. But he tells her that he’s excited she’s there and he’s grappling with the idea of moving her from friend zone to a potential girlfriend zone. Kacie confesses to the camera that she never wanted another rose again and now she’s hoping for 10 more. And cue the crazy witch laugh. I don’t see this working out, unfortunately.  I wonder if producers are trying to test the waters to see if America loves her enough to be a Bachelorette?  Hmmm…

“I’m vegan but I love the beef,” says Catherine, giggling. That came out of nowhere but it was pretty funny. All we know about her so far is that she is super into Sean and thinks he’s a hunk.  And something tells me that’s really all Sean needs to know.

Sean talks about maybe finding his wife and Selma is totally smitten.  She reminds me of Marisa Tomei and BFOTB says she looks like Ashley Greene.

Despite the other girls already pegging Tierra as the bad girl of the house, Sean seems quite taken with her so he pulls her aside to reassure her of his infatuation.  She gives him the “I’m here for you and not the other girls” speech and he tells her to hold tight and be confident in how he feels about her already.  When will these Bachelors learn…

Katie the barefoot yoga instructor told Sean that the competition process was not her cup of Yogi Tea so he bid her adieu and she left, much to the other girls’ delight.

Kacie wins the group date rose from Sean, proving she’s graduated to the girlfriend zone.

One-on-One Date: Desiree — “Love is priceless”

Sean says he wants a girl with a great sense of humor so he has arranged for a prank to be played on Desiree.  During a staged art gallery exhibit, a piece of art will come crashing down with Desiree in the room alone while Chris Harrison and Sean watch from behind the scenes. As Sean and Desiree get a behind-the-scenes peek at the artist’s masterpiece, Sean is pulled away by a producer so that Desiree and the pretend art curator are left alone with a fake artist’s interpretation of the Chernoble disaster.  As she’s left alone, the sculpture collapses and shatters.  She was a classy lady and Sean comes to rescue her to reveal the joke. (By the way: does this chick really think that Sean would take her to an art gallery exhibition?  Should’ve been your first clue right there, hun.)

Over dinner at the Bachelor mansion, Desiree and Sean bond over their admiration of their parents’ love and marriages. They revel in how relaxed they feel with each other, holding hands and being altogether googly eyed.

And now it’s hot tub time!  Their conversation gets heavy in regards to love and marriage so Sean grabs the rose and already tells the camera that he thinks she’ll be here for a long time.

“You honestly have every quality that I’m looking for and I’m really excited about where this is going.” — Sean

“For a first date, I honestly already feel like he’s my boyfriend.” — Desiree

Cue the makeout session in the pool.  BFOTB’s husband, Burnsy, has dubbed this “Des does Dallas.”  And if you’re not laughing really loud about that then you probably haven’t had as much wine as I did last night.

Cocktail Party:

• Lindsay gets one-on-one time with Sean where he can assure her that just because she didn’t get a date this week doesn’t mean she’s going home.  Turns out drunky bride is a General’s daughter.
• Sean tells Catherine she has a very infectious personality.
• Amanda has taken on zombie-like qualities, ignoring everyone in the house which is really perturbing the ladies.  And just when they can’t take any more of her odd behavior (pay attention to us!), Sean steals her away and she lights up like someone flipped a switch.
• “I feel like tonight is literally a tornado.  Of negativity.  Waiting to happen…” — Daniella, the drunk.  I hope she sticks around a bit longer to keep giving us these little gems.
• Robin asks Sean whether race plays a part in his decisions and he is happy to have someone put that card on the table because it isn’t an issue for him, proudly informing her that his ex-girlfriend was black and that he’s also dated Persian women.  That should make all those discrimination lawsuit folks unhappy.  And Robin is relieved too.
• Sassy Selma teaches Sean some words in Arabic.

Roses:

• Sarah
• Desiree
• Kacie
• AshLee
• Lindsay
• Robin
• Jackie
• Lesley M.
• Selma
• Catherine
• Kristy
• Leslie H.
• Tierra
• Taryn
• Daniella
• Amanda

Going Home: Brooke, Diana

Coming up next: roller coasters, makeout sessions, beaches, oversized stuffed animals, trying to break the world record for longest on-screen kiss, man stealing, and paramedics (hopefully hot ones).

What were your favorite moments of the night?