In case you have a tendency to fast forward through commercials too quickly, The Bachelor has made it easy for you by beginning yet another episode with Sean working out, pumpin’ iron…showering. The usual.  And more of the usual firsts for these first dates — helicopter, jumping off stuff from high up, photo shoot, dress up, pool party, making out,

First One-on-One Date: Sarah — “Are you ready to fall in love today?”

And with our first one-on-one date, we also get our first helicopter of the season.  Sean takes Sarah on a romantic ride to a rooftop where they free fall down 300 feet for a champagne toast that awaits them at the bottom.

During down time together, Sarah tells Sean a story of going to Vegas and being told that because she has a disability, she wasn’t able to go ziplining.  Her father told her in that moment that she needed to find a man strong enough to console her and be there for her during all the trials she’ll face, which is why she’s in awe of Sean asking her to do something so bold as to jump off a building together.

When asked about past relationships, Sarah says she’s only had one serious relationship that ended because they didn’t have enough in common and she’s looking for more adventures. Sean gives Sarah a rose on a rooftop and he says that he’s blown away by their first date and he has butterflies and really wants a first kiss with her…and there it is: the first kiss. And then this, already, and too soon: Sarah says she’s falling in love with Sean. We may have a stage 5 clinger on our hand. (Ouch, that was bad. I know).

Group Date: Kristy, Amanda, Brooke, Lesley M., Daniella, Catherine, Robin, Katie, Selma, Diana, Taryn, Kacie, and Tierra — “Let’s capture the romance.”

The limo full o’ ladies arrives at a huge mansion to take photos for romance novel book covers.  The models in the house are ecstatic. Everyone else: not so much. The four categories of costume are: cowgirls, vampires, sexy (how is that a category? gosh, it’s just like Halloween!), and historical.  Sean and Lesley M. are the first pairing to start making out in front of the camera and all the other gals are livid. Meanwhile, Kristy the model is confident that her whole life has been leading up to this moment. Everyone concurs and Kristy wins the book deal.  I must say that the vampire girls really got screwed. Not hot.

Later at the pool party, Lesley M. pulls Sean away from the crowd to go chat. Sean asks her why she’s on the show and she confesses it’s “for love; I’m hopeful.”  At this point you can tell Sean realizes he can dive in and kiss any girl at any time — competition is fierce — but Lesley gets in her own way and appears to literally shrink on screen as she crosses her legs and arms and all but just folds into herself.  Horrid body language for someone who apparently is attracted to the guy sitting right in front of her.

Meanwhile, Daniella is drunk. But she’s not so drunk that she doesn’t recognize Lesley M. is on the prowl to hunt down Sean for another liplock session.  (She does.  And they do.)

Kacie tells Sean why she’s into him and he simply looks bored. But he tells her that he’s excited she’s there and he’s grappling with the idea of moving her from friend zone to a potential girlfriend zone. Kacie confesses to the camera that she never wanted another rose again and now she’s hoping for 10 more. And cue the crazy witch laugh. I don’t see this working out, unfortunately.  I wonder if producers are trying to test the waters to see if America loves her enough to be a Bachelorette?  Hmmm…

“I’m vegan but I love the beef,” says Catherine, giggling. That came out of nowhere but it was pretty funny. All we know about her so far is that she is super into Sean and thinks he’s a hunk.  And something tells me that’s really all Sean needs to know.

Sean talks about maybe finding his wife and Selma is totally smitten.  She reminds me of Marisa Tomei and BFOTB says she looks like Ashley Greene.

Despite the other girls already pegging Tierra as the bad girl of the house, Sean seems quite taken with her so he pulls her aside to reassure her of his infatuation.  She gives him the “I’m here for you and not the other girls” speech and he tells her to hold tight and be confident in how he feels about her already.  When will these Bachelors learn…

Katie the barefoot yoga instructor told Sean that the competition process was not her cup of Yogi Tea so he bid her adieu and she left, much to the other girls’ delight.

Kacie wins the group date rose from Sean, proving she’s graduated to the girlfriend zone.

One-on-One Date: Desiree — “Love is priceless”

Sean says he wants a girl with a great sense of humor so he has arranged for a prank to be played on Desiree.  During a staged art gallery exhibit, a piece of art will come crashing down with Desiree in the room alone while Chris Harrison and Sean watch from behind the scenes. As Sean and Desiree get a behind-the-scenes peek at the artist’s masterpiece, Sean is pulled away by a producer so that Desiree and the pretend art curator are left alone with a fake artist’s interpretation of the Chernoble disaster.  As she’s left alone, the sculpture collapses and shatters.  She was a classy lady and Sean comes to rescue her to reveal the joke. (By the way: does this chick really think that Sean would take her to an art gallery exhibition?  Should’ve been your first clue right there, hun.)

Over dinner at the Bachelor mansion, Desiree and Sean bond over their admiration of their parents’ love and marriages. They revel in how relaxed they feel with each other, holding hands and being altogether googly eyed.

And now it’s hot tub time!  Their conversation gets heavy in regards to love and marriage so Sean grabs the rose and already tells the camera that he thinks she’ll be here for a long time.

“You honestly have every quality that I’m looking for and I’m really excited about where this is going.” — Sean

“For a first date, I honestly already feel like he’s my boyfriend.” — Desiree

Cue the makeout session in the pool.  BFOTB’s husband, Burnsy, has dubbed this “Des does Dallas.”  And if you’re not laughing really loud about that then you probably haven’t had as much wine as I did last night.

Cocktail Party:

• Lindsay gets one-on-one time with Sean where he can assure her that just because she didn’t get a date this week doesn’t mean she’s going home.  Turns out drunky bride is a General’s daughter.
• Sean tells Catherine she has a very infectious personality.
• Amanda has taken on zombie-like qualities, ignoring everyone in the house which is really perturbing the ladies.  And just when they can’t take any more of her odd behavior (pay attention to us!), Sean steals her away and she lights up like someone flipped a switch.
• “I feel like tonight is literally a tornado.  Of negativity.  Waiting to happen…” — Daniella, the drunk.  I hope she sticks around a bit longer to keep giving us these little gems.
• Robin asks Sean whether race plays a part in his decisions and he is happy to have someone put that card on the table because it isn’t an issue for him, proudly informing her that his ex-girlfriend was black and that he’s also dated Persian women.  That should make all those discrimination lawsuit folks unhappy.  And Robin is relieved too.
• Sassy Selma teaches Sean some words in Arabic.

Roses:

• Sarah
• Desiree
• Kacie
• AshLee
• Lindsay
• Robin
• Jackie
• Lesley M.
• Selma
• Catherine
• Kristy
• Leslie H.
• Tierra
• Taryn
• Daniella
• Amanda

Going Home: Brooke, Diana

Coming up next: roller coasters, makeout sessions, beaches, oversized stuffed animals, trying to break the world record for longest on-screen kiss, man stealing, and paramedics (hopefully hot ones).

What were your favorite moments of the night?