Tag Archives: television

The Bachelor Recap: After the Final Rose, season 15

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Let’s skip through the first part where Chris Harrison says pointless, obvious facts and get to Chantal out in the hot seat, reliving the hurt and humiliation that comes with falling in love on reality tv. She confronts Brad about stringing her along, keeping her around because she was fun.  There’s gotta be a winner and a loser for the show to work so it might as well be someone fun, right? She’s very emotional and Brad tries to console her but he’s careful not to do anything to piss off princess Emily backstage. Despite the tears and snot covering her face apparently Chantal is happy with a new man back in Seattle and he’s everything she’s ever wanted. No pressure, dude.

Brad says he is more in love with Emily than he has been in his entire life.  Yay, audience cheers.  Chris breaks the news to the audience that Brad and Emily broke up and have had really hard times, all while almost getting married twice. Boo, audience is very sad and confused. Brad explains that they have a very real relationship and that comes with ups and downs. Chris asks if he considers himself engaged to Emily and he takes a roundabout way to reply that he can’t speak for her but in his eyes “yes.” He seems unsure. That’s even more awkward.  Brad alludes sarcastically to the fact that Emily is not the sweet, Southern Belle that the producers painted her to be on the show.  I believe him. When Emily comes out so do the claws and there are definitely some restrained fighting words whispered back and forth between her and Brad.  I think I see a few eye rolls too. She confirms that it hasn’t been all roses but claims she’s in love, they’re still engaged (Brad is visibly relieved) but she’s not ready to get married (her exact words: “I love you, but noooooo.” Ouch.) and she’s not ready to move Austin right now.  The audience boos loudly (again). Even more awkward.  It’s all a bit confusing. I wonder if they’re already in couples therapy. Actually, I’m a bit surprised his tv therapist didn’t make an appearance. 

Emily says she watched the show and felt like Brad should have picked Chantal because they had so much fun together.  She was a bit of a complainer noting that she would have appeared to be fun and adventurous if she got to go on dates swimming with sharks, which I’m not quite understanding because she won (Brad’s heart) – it’s not like she was sent home and she’s upset she was set up to appear dull. 

Emily cautiously explains that Brad has a bad temper and that’s one of the things he needs to work on before they get married.  She says his family warned her, asking if she’d “poked the bear” yet. She now knows what that means, as both she and Brad fess up to having “knock down, drag out fights” that are “volatile”…geesh, sounds like love to me!  On top of that Emily is seemingly carrying a grudge knowing that Brad said he fell in love early with her, now wishing he would have saved “certain things” just for her.  Ruh-roh.

It seems like they’re in a weird place. I respect them for not coming out and smiling and telling America that everything is all bunnies and sunshine and roses and they can’t wait to get married to just see them split a few weeks later (a la The London Bachelor and his “monkey” fiancée Shayne Lamas).  Clearly they aren’t living together (let alone living in the same city) with no real plans to do so anytime soon, which means they haven’t been given an opportunity to test their relationship out in the real world and also that Brad hasn’t been spending time with Emily’s daughter. And that’s all fine but then it confuses me as to why Brad would talk about wanting to get married while the show was taping or during the ATFR episode.  They never did explain that. More bizarre talk about their possible future wedding and they keep having to look at each other to see if they’re on the same page…or even reading the same book.

Then Chris Harrison brings out Ali & Roberto, Jason & Molly, and Trista & Ryan to keep their Google rank numbers up give them support and encouragement to get through all the tabloid fodder and reality tv to reality transition. I wish that Molly or Jason would have just flat out said “The first step to starting your real relationship would be to move to Austin.” They did the long distance thing too. I’m being honest here (such a Brad thing to say) but no one believes their relationship will last or even be serious unless she moves to Austin.  Not necessarily living with him but at least to be dating seriously and seeing Ricki on a regular basis. 

Chris asks what we’ve all been wondering since she stepped out on stage: why isn’t Emily wearing her ring?  Brad answers by pulling it out of his jacket pocket, telling Emily he’s had it sized to fit her and slips it on her finger.  Aww…it’s either sweet or a “this is a good story so please just go with it” and act like we’re engaged moment.

So, do you think they’ll last?  I hate to say it but I give it 2 months.

No announcement of the next Bachelorette during the show but it’s all over the news today that Ashley H., the artist dentist (nay, dental school student) is the newly recycled cast off that will get another chance to find her dream man. I don’t know why I still keep all my fingers and toes crossed for them to find a fresh one.  Stay tuned, friends, the first episode airs May 23.  Will you watch?

The Bachelor Recap: final episode & proposal, season 15

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Brad is reunited with his family in South Africa and starts crying uncontrollably, unable to contain himself enough to sit down.  I chuckle when I see Brad’s twin brother Chad because all I can remember is Brad’s first season when he tricked the girls by having his twin take his place, pretending to be him.  Good stuff.

Brad says he’s falling in love and is 100% considering proposing. His family feigns dramatic shock and emphasizes how much of a new man he is.

Chantal arrives first.  She tells the story of how they fell in love in Costa Rica in the pouring rain running back to the hotel room to…uh, well, just talk for hours…

Wes thinks Chantal clicks with the family and that she’s very attractive and vibrant.  Wes and Chad get some alone time and they tell her that Brad said he is planning on proposing. 

Mom asks what everyone wants to know: “how could you fall in love so quick?”  Chantal says it’s easy to fall in love because of what she went through in her divorce working to find herself, now knowing what and who she wants is what led her to a place where it was easy to fall in love with Brad because he’s everything she wants and needs.

That seems to get the stamp of approval from mom.

Brad says he wasn’t nervous about Chantal but he is a bit on edge about them meeting Emily because of her past. I did notice that Emily didn’t get hugs but Wes explains that Emily seems much more reserved than Chantal.  Then again later Wes, as a parent himself, is concerned about how much it would affect Emily and her daughter to move to Austin.

It gets really emotional around the table as questions unfold in a natural way about how Ricki’s father would feel about Emily and Ricki moving to Texas.  Emily shares her story and there are tears welling up in everyone’s eyes, with a new found respect for Emily and what she’s been through to get here.

Brad reassures his brothers that he welcomes the opportunity to be a father.  His brothers are surprised. Wes says “I left this place yesterday feeling like my brother was ready to be a husband and now I realize that he’s also ready to be a full blown father.”

Mom pulls Emily aside and tells her how much she respects her for being hesitant about letting Brad meet her daughter and also for allowing him to.  Emily expresses her gratitude in meeting Brad and how much of a blessing he’s been to her even in this short time together.  Mom loses it when Emily tells her that Brad is her angel. She knows Emily has had a very difficult time so Brad’s mom is rooting for her, hoping she’ll have a happy ending.

As for the brothers, I know they are on Team Emily too.  I can see the restraint in Chad’s face because he totally wants to blurt out “she’s way hotter, dude!” …trust me. I can see it in his eyes.

 Mom gives her vote on Emily.  Brad says if his mom could pick a woman for him it would be Emily.  At this point it’s in the bag. 

On his date day with Chantal Brad says his family thinks Emily is the one but he’s looking for Chantal to show him she’s the one today.  It’s totally over and I know it when she goes barreling towards him and tries to jump in his arms and he is struggling.  Not romantic, and quite frankly, kinda scary. As my smart friend Matt Prince stated so eloquently on Facebook yesterday, “No matter what decision Brad makes tonight he will be dealing with 50 unexpected lbs…for Emily it’s her daughter, for Chantal it’s the weight she’s gained since the first episode.” It’s true. It also may explain why Brad chose to take Chantal swimming with the sharks. Either he knew they’d go for her meaty body first or he wanted her covered up in a wet suit.  Just like with the snorkeling on their first one on one date, he took her to face her fears and she overcame them for him. 

Chantal gives Brad a map she made showing all the places they’ve been – she says it shows that she has traveled the world for his love.  She also wrote him a mushy love letter – front and back (but not 18 pages, a la Rachel Green).  Brad says it was very sweet.  Chantal says she needs Brad to tell her he loves her. He calls it a night and never said the “L” word so she’s desperately holding onto hope that she’ll hear it the next time they see each other.

Brad’s family chose Emily and he says he is still exploring his feelings with Emily – he needs to feel confident at the end of today. He takes Emily to the Cape of Good Hope via helicopter, naturally. It’s really windy and I’m pretty sure every guy in America forced into watching The Bachelor is sitting on the edge of the couch, eagerly hoping for the wind to blow her short shirtdress up. He tells her that his family really loved her and Emily realizes that she is letting her insecurities get the best of her and it’s all downhill from there.  What seems to be the most serious, real conversation they have and should be having is going disastrously.  Brad seems upset that she’s looking for the reassurance that he’s actually thought about what it will take to become a stepfather. Brad makes it very clear that he wants to be Ricki’s dad and Emily comes back with a lot of warnings that being a parent isn’t always fun or glamorous. Brad is very frustrated.  He asks Emily if she’s ready to let somebody in. She says “not somebody, but you.” It seems as if his anger is getting the best of him so now he’s trying to push the blame onto her for these hesitant feelings.  Emily knows her head is sabotaging her heart and Brad walks away defeated from his night with Emily.

Neil Lane arrives the next morning with the rings for Brad to choose from. Brad picks out a stunning sparkler of rock with a split shank band.

Brad is very confident, excited, scared, and happy about being in love.  The clue to his choosing Emily is when he says he knows he’s in love and he just hopes she loves him back.  I think everyone in America is confident that Chantal loves Brad. 

Chantal, it appears, is doomed to be the first girl out of the limo yet again.  And yeah, that’s sad and all, but all I can think is “Chunky gold shoes with that dress? Really?” 

Brad gives his “you’re so great” speech and then transitions into the “here’s where it gets tough” part and explains that he has stronger feelings for someone else and immediately the tears fly.  Brad tries to reassure her by asking “are you alright?” which at this moment in time is probably the worst thing he could ask. No, Brad, no she’s not alright.  I wish that Chris Harrison would’ve popped out just to say that.  Would’ve been perfect!  Brad continues to tell Chantal that the connection they had was very real and she didn’t do anything wrong. I think Brad might have to call Chantal’s dad and break up with him too. If you’ll remember, they too had quite the connection. Chantal wonders how she could have felt Brad was The One when Brad didn’t even love her. Someone get this woman a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s, stat!

Now that the sad part is over, Brad is all smiles when he sees Emily walking toward him.  It takes him quite a while to get out his rehearsed speech, telling her about a promise he made to himself to take a leap of faith if he found even just a glimpse of love. He says, “And all it took for me was coming here and finding you. You’re it; you’re The One. You’re so much more than a leap of faith. You’re my once in a lifetime.”

And his proposal went like this:

Please give me your forever.
Please let me be your best friend.
Please let me protect you and your beautiful daughter,
And please give me the opportunity to love you for the rest of your life.
I love you, Emily.
(on bended knee)
Please make me happier than I’ve ever been in my life and marry me.”

And she says “I’d love to!” and has to do the awkward bend at the waist to kiss him. She straightens up and he puts the ring on her finger. She says she loves it and it’s perfect.  Cue the montage of their love story unfolded in Bachelor episode clips to the tune of Train’s “Marry Me.”
So, what did you think? Were you rooting for Chantal? Did you know it would be Emily?    How do you feel about them not really dealing with the real issues of what their life will be like together as a family with a daughter?

The Bachelor: The Women Tell All, season 15

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It’s a pretty short recap this week because this particular episode is a compilation of clips and comments on the season from the skewed perspective of the scorned women sent home.

 We get previews of the new Bachelor Pad 2 and some crazy, drunken event that bring together past rejects from all seasons – an allspice of dysfunction, if you will.  They try to make it all about another opportunity to find love but we all know it’s just about putting pretty people in one house to create drama and competition (as in who can leave with the least amount of STDs).

The lovely ladies back for The Women Tell All are (gosh, it feels like it’s been ages since we’ve seen some of them):
Sarah
Lisa
Melissa
Alli
Britt
Marissa, the sports publicist
Raichel, the manscaper
Meghan, the man who ended up being quite funny
Stacey, the bartender
Ashley S., the nanny
Jackie, the Wicked/Glee singer
Ashley H., the artist dentist and last one to be let go
Michelle, the crazy
Madison, vampiress
Shawntel N., the funeral director 

After all the clips of the season the attention is on Michelle, the most notorious character of the season. Ashley, the artist dentist is playing the sweet hero to win America’s affection, coming to Michelle’s defense. (Perhaps setting up the audience to win their hearts before Chris Harrison announces her as the next Bachelorette? That would maybe explain the new sultry auburn locks, Ross Gellar white teeth, fierce red lips, and bronzed tan.) Madison also says she respects Michelle for coming in stating her intentions and telling the girls she didn’t want to be friends with them. That’s the last we hear from her all episode.  What a bummer.

 When it’s Michelle’s turn in the hot seat she is still teary eyed and stands by her story that a lot of the girls in the house knew what she was really like and were here friends. It seems like a case of producers picking their entertainment for the season. Kudos to them.  Jackie even goes as far as comparing Michelle to a spider. Ugh, I hate spiders.  I will agree with Chris Harrison on his point that Michelle’s commentary of the show was hilariously entertaining.  Seriously, folks, read the recaps.  She’s the best thing that happened to this season’s ratings. Once Michelle is gone it gets totally boring. I don’t know where it came from but after Michelle talks a lot about feeling guilty for leaving her daughter to come on the show Sarah and Stacey the girls totally blast here for being a bad mom. Chris Harrison comes to her defense telling the girls to back off as Michelle heaves sobs into her rose scented tissues. Just kidding, I made that part up. It would be a nice touch though, no?

Michelle says she thinks Brad needs someone like Emily.

Chris Harrison calls this “one of the most controversial seasons ever” and I beg to differ, sir.  Brad is maybe the most boring Bachelor ever.

The nanny steals the show for a minute with a dose of good advice for all the women on the stage, in the audience, and at home: don’t act like a fool/catty idiot/jealous psycho/mental patient in front of a man. She comes back out later in the hot seat to relive the humiliation of getting rejected. All she wants is to ask Brad how she could be better wife material and also if Chris Harrison has any single friends.  Ashley H, the artist dentist, again comes to the defense of her BFF to play America’s sweetheart.  

Ashley H, the artist dentist is having her moment talking about regret and all she’s learned by going through this. She says Brad primed her for what is yet to come. She admits that she was in love with Brad and jokes that when he comes out she’s gonna tell him she wants him back and she’s a changed woman.  Haha.

Brad comes out and immediately throws in a reference to his “significant other.”  Brad says he’ll defend Michelle until he’s blue in the face. He thought she was funny when he watched the season on television and knows she doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body.  
Ashley H. apologizes to Brad with very eloquent words, thanking him for their special time together and then runs across the stage to give him a hug.

Brad says he is truly happier than he’s ever been.  He says he was in love a long time ago and he falls more and more in love every day.  Chris makes his one funny but forced joke and says “it’s a good thing it worked out because we’re not inviting you back again.”

The best and funniest part of this whole season is the three minute bloopers clip at the end. Look it up on YouTube if you can.

Well, there was no announcement of who the next Bachelorette is going to be. What a bummer.  Maybe they’re holding out for Brad’s #2.  Let’s face it, up until this Women Tell All episode we all thought the artist dentist was super annoying. I would not have watched that season. Okay, I would have…but I wouldn’t have been happy about it.  A little bit like this season, I guess.  Ha!

So, let’s hear your thoughts on The Women Tell All: was Michelle really an innocent just trying to be funny?  Do you think the nanny is now in intensive therapy?  What’s the story on the “new” Ashley’s foxy new look? Why didn’t we get to talk to Shawntel or Madison the sexy creepy ladies?

And, finally, who are your picks for the next Bachelorette and who do you think will get Brad’s final rose??

The Bachelor Recap episode 9, season 15

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This episode we’re in South Africa and I’ll just skip through the first 10 minutes of the show because essentially Brad just read my blog recap from last week aloud, minus the part about Shawntel the funeral director.

Chantal:
Chantal O. and Brad head off on a safari and Brad is excited about lions – it’s maybe the most excited he’s been all season.  They decide to have a romantic picnic by the river, which they are escorted to by a gun-wielding man.  Chantal says she feels safe with Brad. Nothing to do with the armed man standing behind the camera, I’m sure.

Brad says he misses Chantal’s family. We think he misses them more than he missed her. And maybe also the uber mansion.

Brad says he is definitely the most comfortable with Chantal, which could be good but could be bad. It’s new for him and he could just be trying out all these newfound emotions out on the one who puts him at ease. Chantal and Brad talk about what it would be like to get engaged and she says that getting engaged doesn’t mean ‘let’s see if it works out’ it means ‘we’re getting married.’  She means business.  But then again, she’s done this before.

Chantal is happy as a hippo in love and over eagerly accepts the invitation to the fantasy suite.  (Side note: does anyone else hate how the invitation comes from Chris Harrison so that The Bachelor doesn’t even have to work up the courage to ask the women to go back to the hotel room with him?  All he has to do is shove an envelope across the table.  I digress…) She says she’s done with dinner and they should hurry.  They are staying in a tree house.  BFOTB poignantly points out that animals know how to climb. No thank you. But Brad’s gonna see her Chantal O. face tonight, that’s for sure. (you’re welcome for that, courtesy of Mumbles)

Emily:
Brad and Emily have a short reunion before he says he forgot something. She is so darn cute. While she’s standing alone in the wild she says “I’m just thinking he had all gosh dang day to get ready for this date, what did he forget?!” and here comes brad gallantly on elephant back. It’s a good thing they are in South Africa otherwise it wouldn’t be as sexy…riding an elephant in America would probably include helmets and seat belts and all sorts of other protective gear. 

Brad keeps telling Emily how much he wishes Ricki was there with them. Brad tells Emily confidently that he’s thought about what it would mean to propose to her because she and Ricki are a package deal.  Emily is so smiley to hear all this and they have a steamy make out session.

Now it’s dinnertime and Brad is nervous, constantly reaching for the wine.  He’s sweating. Profusely. Emily confesses to the camera that shes falling in love with him but she keeps thinking about the other girls. At dinner she tells Brad she wishes it was over, that she could begin her life with him…or not and just move on, and she tells Brad she really wants to be with him and Ricki. Brad is grinning ear to ear.  He is so awkward giving her the fantasy suite card. Emily is pure class when she tells Brad she is a mom and wants to set a good example….but she’d be happy to go to the fantasy suite with him to talk and get to know each other better.  I like her style.

Emily knows she needs to tell Brad how she feels because she hasn’t yet and he needs to know it going into the final week.  Emily tells Brad that she is completely falling in love with him and Brad is quiet and relieved, then tells Emily that he is without a doubt falling in love with her. I think he just broke all The Bachelor rules by telling her how he feels but he justifies it by saying that he can’t listen to her say that to him without letting her know how he feels too.  Yay, for ending happy (not happy endings).

Ashley:
It’s quite apparent going into Ashley’s date that this is the last one for her. In fact, she runs away when she sees the helicopter brad has waiting for them.  We all know how much brad loves helicopters so for her to be this freaked out must be a huge turn off for him.

Brad and Ashley go for a picnic at a place called God’s Window. It’s absolutely gorgeous. They’re supposed to be having a romantic day but instead he asks about her ambition and career plans and it’s the first serious conversation they’ve had so far, which is a total mood killer. Brad seems put off by her ambition outside of being a wife who would move to Austin to be with him.  Brad says he was in the same place she is now, only 10 years ago.  It isn’t looking good, honey.

During dinner we’re distracted by all the gross bugs in their hair.  It seems like Brad is looking for ways to make Ashley say no. They keep having to go back to referencing their carnival date, which was week two. It’s not a good leg to stand on.  Brad breaks it down and points out again that they keep trying to reassure each other.  Ashley accuses him of defying their spark and connection in favor of a wife and an easy situation that just fits. Brad doesn’t know how to respond so they resort to complimenting the food. Ashley seems resolved to the fact that it’s not going well and probably won’t go much farther than the fantasy suite.  Which she accepts gladly.  In fact, with no doubt in her mind. Idiot.

It sounds like the animal kingdom is sounding in on their collective opinion, overpowering the blah blah blah of Brad stressing about the predicament he finds himself in again this week. 

Before the rose ceremony begins Brad pulls Ashley aside to talk and starts out by saying ” you and I both know that our date yesterday didn’t go well.” Brad apologizes but asks how they have such bad communication when they have such a strong connection. He’s not completely off base when he says that he still has questions and he realized that he was about a week away from proposing and still didn’t know where he fit into her life.  It’s a valid point.  Brad tells her that he doesn’t want her to sit through a rose ceremony so he needs go tell her goodbye. She says she’s very surprised, she thought this was going to be it for her. We can only be left to assume she’s pissed that she gave it up in the fantasy suite last night only to be sent home today. Brad is sad because he though that Ashley would be one of the last two ladies standing and that she’d be meeting his family.  

Brad is a total lame-o and still holds the rose ceremony to make sure Emily and Chantal still like him back.  Now’s your chance to run, ladies!  Alas, they both accept so these are the two ladies left standing hoping Brad will get down on one knee.

Next week it’s The Women Tell All episode. Then in the final episode Chantal and Emily will be meeting Brad’s family in Cape Town, South Africa.  We don’t see any family clips, engagement rings or any mention of Emily’s family (didn’t Brad say he would never propose without asking for her father’s permission?  I believe Chantal’s dad gave a big yes to that).  All we do see is Brad getting super emotional. Where’s the therapist when you need him? 

Now it’s just down to 2.  Who’s your pick?! 

P.S. In case you’re interested, here are the new contestants for Dancing with the Stars, which were announced in the commercial promo breaks:

  • Sugar Ray Leonard, the boxer
  • Chelsea Kane, some Disney teenybopper
  • Romeo, Master P’s son
  • Ralph Macchio, the original karate kid
  • Petra Nemkova, model
  • Kendra Wilkinson, former playmate & House Bunny
  • Hines Ward, NFL player
  • “Psycho” Mike Catherwood from KROQ
  • Wendy Williams, a talk show host (I dint know her but Ashley says she’s annoying. I believe her)
  • Chris Jericho, WWE
  • Kirstie Alley, hot mess has been 

In it to win it

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It’s getting down to the wire – just tonight’s episode and we’re down to the final two, The Women Tell All, and a possible proposal. 

A big announcement came today from Reality Steve, the man known for reality show spoilers.  He said he was wrong (again. He was also wrong about Ali’s final choice) about how this season ends.  The new revelation makes me happy and sad all at the same time.  I’m sticking with happy, though, because I just like hoping he’s wrong and thinking I’ll be surprised.  Here’s the link to his website if you want to cave in and read his new predictions about who Brad will pick and who the next Bachelorette will be.   I hate how the producers recycle contestants and you all know how boring I think Brad is. For that reason, I’m really holding out that Emily will be the next Bachelorette contestant. It would be a smart move since all of America is smitten with her and her sweet southern charm. 

So, since we’re so close…who’s your pick to win it?
(uh, i mean, fall in love and live happily ever after with Brad?)

P.S. Next season, we’re totally doing fantasy picks (no, not guessing who says yes to the fantasy suite, for as my wise friend Sarah G. points out: it’s practically required to say yes) to pick who will be given the final rose.  I don’t know what the winnings would be other than a happy kudos from me, but hey, it’d still be fun.

Get out your libations because – as Sarah G. also pointed out – the fantasy suite episode is always full of blubbering awkwardness and rolling around.  Cheers!