This episode we’re in South Africa and I’ll just skip through the first 10 minutes of the show because essentially Brad just read my blog recap from last week aloud, minus the part about Shawntel the funeral director.

Chantal:
Chantal O. and Brad head off on a safari and Brad is excited about lions – it’s maybe the most excited he’s been all season.  They decide to have a romantic picnic by the river, which they are escorted to by a gun-wielding man.  Chantal says she feels safe with Brad. Nothing to do with the armed man standing behind the camera, I’m sure.

Brad says he misses Chantal’s family. We think he misses them more than he missed her. And maybe also the uber mansion.

Brad says he is definitely the most comfortable with Chantal, which could be good but could be bad. It’s new for him and he could just be trying out all these newfound emotions out on the one who puts him at ease. Chantal and Brad talk about what it would be like to get engaged and she says that getting engaged doesn’t mean ‘let’s see if it works out’ it means ‘we’re getting married.’  She means business.  But then again, she’s done this before.

Chantal is happy as a hippo in love and over eagerly accepts the invitation to the fantasy suite.  (Side note: does anyone else hate how the invitation comes from Chris Harrison so that The Bachelor doesn’t even have to work up the courage to ask the women to go back to the hotel room with him?  All he has to do is shove an envelope across the table.  I digress…) She says she’s done with dinner and they should hurry.  They are staying in a tree house.  BFOTB poignantly points out that animals know how to climb. No thank you. But Brad’s gonna see her Chantal O. face tonight, that’s for sure. (you’re welcome for that, courtesy of Mumbles)

Emily:
Brad and Emily have a short reunion before he says he forgot something. She is so darn cute. While she’s standing alone in the wild she says “I’m just thinking he had all gosh dang day to get ready for this date, what did he forget?!” and here comes brad gallantly on elephant back. It’s a good thing they are in South Africa otherwise it wouldn’t be as sexy…riding an elephant in America would probably include helmets and seat belts and all sorts of other protective gear. 

Brad keeps telling Emily how much he wishes Ricki was there with them. Brad tells Emily confidently that he’s thought about what it would mean to propose to her because she and Ricki are a package deal.  Emily is so smiley to hear all this and they have a steamy make out session.

Now it’s dinnertime and Brad is nervous, constantly reaching for the wine.  He’s sweating. Profusely. Emily confesses to the camera that shes falling in love with him but she keeps thinking about the other girls. At dinner she tells Brad she wishes it was over, that she could begin her life with him…or not and just move on, and she tells Brad she really wants to be with him and Ricki. Brad is grinning ear to ear.  He is so awkward giving her the fantasy suite card. Emily is pure class when she tells Brad she is a mom and wants to set a good example….but she’d be happy to go to the fantasy suite with him to talk and get to know each other better.  I like her style.

Emily knows she needs to tell Brad how she feels because she hasn’t yet and he needs to know it going into the final week.  Emily tells Brad that she is completely falling in love with him and Brad is quiet and relieved, then tells Emily that he is without a doubt falling in love with her. I think he just broke all The Bachelor rules by telling her how he feels but he justifies it by saying that he can’t listen to her say that to him without letting her know how he feels too.  Yay, for ending happy (not happy endings).

Ashley:
It’s quite apparent going into Ashley’s date that this is the last one for her. In fact, she runs away when she sees the helicopter brad has waiting for them.  We all know how much brad loves helicopters so for her to be this freaked out must be a huge turn off for him.

Brad and Ashley go for a picnic at a place called God’s Window. It’s absolutely gorgeous. They’re supposed to be having a romantic day but instead he asks about her ambition and career plans and it’s the first serious conversation they’ve had so far, which is a total mood killer. Brad seems put off by her ambition outside of being a wife who would move to Austin to be with him.  Brad says he was in the same place she is now, only 10 years ago.  It isn’t looking good, honey.

During dinner we’re distracted by all the gross bugs in their hair.  It seems like Brad is looking for ways to make Ashley say no. They keep having to go back to referencing their carnival date, which was week two. It’s not a good leg to stand on.  Brad breaks it down and points out again that they keep trying to reassure each other.  Ashley accuses him of defying their spark and connection in favor of a wife and an easy situation that just fits. Brad doesn’t know how to respond so they resort to complimenting the food. Ashley seems resolved to the fact that it’s not going well and probably won’t go much farther than the fantasy suite.  Which she accepts gladly.  In fact, with no doubt in her mind. Idiot.

It sounds like the animal kingdom is sounding in on their collective opinion, overpowering the blah blah blah of Brad stressing about the predicament he finds himself in again this week. 

Before the rose ceremony begins Brad pulls Ashley aside to talk and starts out by saying ” you and I both know that our date yesterday didn’t go well.” Brad apologizes but asks how they have such bad communication when they have such a strong connection. He’s not completely off base when he says that he still has questions and he realized that he was about a week away from proposing and still didn’t know where he fit into her life.  It’s a valid point.  Brad tells her that he doesn’t want her to sit through a rose ceremony so he needs go tell her goodbye. She says she’s very surprised, she thought this was going to be it for her. We can only be left to assume she’s pissed that she gave it up in the fantasy suite last night only to be sent home today. Brad is sad because he though that Ashley would be one of the last two ladies standing and that she’d be meeting his family.  

Brad is a total lame-o and still holds the rose ceremony to make sure Emily and Chantal still like him back.  Now’s your chance to run, ladies!  Alas, they both accept so these are the two ladies left standing hoping Brad will get down on one knee.

Next week it’s The Women Tell All episode. Then in the final episode Chantal and Emily will be meeting Brad’s family in Cape Town, South Africa.  We don’t see any family clips, engagement rings or any mention of Emily’s family (didn’t Brad say he would never propose without asking for her father’s permission?  I believe Chantal’s dad gave a big yes to that).  All we do see is Brad getting super emotional. Where’s the therapist when you need him? 

Now it’s just down to 2.  Who’s your pick?! 

P.S. In case you’re interested, here are the new contestants for Dancing with the Stars, which were announced in the commercial promo breaks:

• Sugar Ray Leonard, the boxer
• Chelsea Kane, some Disney teenybopper
• Romeo, Master P’s son
• Ralph Macchio, the original karate kid
• Petra Nemkova, model
• Kendra Wilkinson, former playmate & House Bunny
• Hines Ward, NFL player
• “Psycho” Mike Catherwood from KROQ
• Wendy Williams, a talk show host (I dint know her but Ashley says she’s annoying. I believe her)
• Chris Jericho, WWE
• Kirstie Alley, hot mess has been