Fiji | Stick Girl JAM

Ashley meets her family at a resort and sits down to tell them about the guys. She says she’s in love and she’s ready to get engaged but can’t make up her mind. I call BS.

JP arrives on the beach with wine in hand, noting a proposal is right around the corner. They need to get out of the sun…everyone is sweating like crazy, which is really unattractive and there’s just one poorly placed umbrella as far as we can see. Everyone is literally wiping their faces with towels they’re so drenched. Gross. Ashley says she was excited and proud to introduce JP to her family and mom gives a toast to welcome him to the family. Ashley’s sister asks some “tough” questions and later tells Ashley flat out that he’s not the one. Mom says they are “ok” together. Wow, what a reception! Sister says that Ashley is too much for him and she doesn’t think JP can handle her, being the much older man. Really? I think he’s in his early 30’s. Ashley immediately starts crying when she realizes that her sister will like Ben a lot more. I think we have our clear-cut winner. Ashley just wants people to like her so she’s heartbroken that her mom and sister weren’t wowed by the man she’s fallen in love with (not that she’s said it yet).

Sister tells JP that she’s very skeptical and “doesn’t see it” between them. JP says that he can’t stop smiling when he’s around her and he’s 100% in love with her. Sister is hung up on JP being so much older and will not be happy if JP proposes. And tells him so. The clincher: Sister says she saw more between Ashley and Brad. Ouch.

“I just have to figure it out.” -Ashley
“I thought you had it figured out.” -JP
…oooohh! This really leads me to believe Ashley has been telling JP he’s the one for quite some time, which then gets me really angry on Ben’s behalf because the poor guy is getting strung along.

Ashley has a sit down with the sister to let her know she is not happy and flat out calls her a bitch. Sister says she is protecting Ashley from herself. I must interject here and say I am not entertained. But then again, I haven’t been all season so I don’t know why I’m surprised.

Now it’s Ben’s turn and he brings wine to the party too. He is sweaty, sweaty, sweaty… and not the good kind. Earlier in the show BFOTB proclaims that Ashley reminds her of a jack russell terrier. We find out that Ben has a jack russell named Hopscotch. Ahh, it all makes sense. Ben says he is absolutely in love with her and believes that Ashley is in love with him because nothing is forced between them. Really? Not like the television cameras and awkward silent moments?

Oh, surprise, surprise, sister is a divorcee. That explains a lot. Sister seems content with Ben.

“Ben should win. But he won’t. Just like every other season when they pick the wrong person.” – BFOTB’s husband via text message

For their last date they take a helicopter ride aroundFiji. Ashley says Ben is perfect for her. They arrive at a healing mud bath and get each other all muddy, which they both proclaim to be very sexy. Later in his hotel suite they toast with champagne as Ben tells Ashley that he got her parents permission to propose to her, and he tells her he is in love with her. They kiss. No tongue. Never any tongue. Not a good sign.

Ashley wraps her legs around Ben and all we notice is the bug bite on her butt.

Now it’s JP’s turn again and as always, she is looking to him to solve all her problems and she again needs reassurance so they have a somewhat difficult conversation. JP tells Ashley that he is madly in love with her, and already told her whole family. JP asks/warns her not to break his heart. Then there’s lots of making out with lots of tongue and JP unravels Ashley’s sarong like he’s done that before. I’m not surprised.

JP gives Ashley a photo and journal scrapbook. Uh oh, Ben didn’t give her a gift. No tongue, no gift. I think we all know where this is going.

“I get lost in JP; I’m completely infatuated with him.” -Ashley

Ben is meeting with Neil Lane to pick out an engagement ring because his heart is set on proposing. He says it wasn’t hard to pick out a ring. I wouldn’t think it would be if you don’t have to pay for it.

JP puts on pink and goes to make his selection. Neil asks him what he’s going to do if she says no. Haha. But whoa, the ring he chooses is gorgeous.

Ben is the first one to land. Ben is crying talking about losing his father and how happy he is to be adding Ashley to his family. I am so angry at Ashley for letting him get down on one knee. I am writhing in anxiety. So awkward. Why couldn’t she have cut him off before he got down on one knee and actually proposed? What. A. Jerk. Having to stand back up in shame, Ben leaves angry and she runs after him. Ben doesn’t want her to sugar coat it and informs her that there is no way to leave this situation on good terms.

“Good things don’t end unless they end badly.” – Ben
“JP is a wonderful guy. I’m sure you’ll have a nice life together.” – Ben

Rejects get sent home on a motor boat, not a plane. Write that down. And, salt in an open wound: Ben sees JP’s plane flying overhead and then has to pass by Ashley standing there waiting for JP. Seriously, where is that boat taking Ben? Out to the middle of the ocean? Getting rejected really sucks. Hope they put a bottle of booze in that boat for him.

This better be an epic proposal. BFOTB and I both have a dark thought; somewhat hoping JP’s plane takes a nose into the water. It doesn’t.

Ashley and JP exchange “you look great” small talk. JP starts at the beginning, rehashing what it was like getting out of the limo. Two peas in a pod, JP tells Ashley he is scared she doesn’t love him back but this is his leap of faith.

“I smile because of you. I am madly in love with you.” -JP

Ashley tells JP she has wanted to tell him for forever that she is in love with him.

He gets down on one knee and says “Ashley, will you marry me?”
She says “yes.”
And cue the music…”I can’t fight this feelin’ anymore…” I told you!
And JP gets the last rose.

At the end, my favorite part:
Ashley asks something along the lines of “can you believe we’re here?” and JP responds, “When you walked in the first rose ceremony and said ‘my husband is in this room,’ I was like ‘what the f&$@ is she talking about?'” hahah!
Ashley exclaims “It’s you!”

After the Final Rose
Ben says that after he was rejected he had to fly home fromFijistraight to his best friend’s wedding. Ooh…ouch.

Ashley comes out and Chris asks Ben what he’d like to say. Ben’s response: “Nice ring.” Bahaha! Man, this guy’s a hoot. It’s the usual boring stuff…”thanks for helping me get to where I am now” and Ashley saying “he’s such a great guy, I’m always going to respect him.”

Ashley flashes that ring as Chris proclaims that she and JP are still engaged. JP comes out and not to disappoint her declaration that he’s a really great kisser, lays some big smooches on her. Chris asks the “why do you love each other?” questions, “how hard has this been?” …blah blah blah.

Ashley’s sister comes up on stage and apologizes for being so overprotective, exclaiming she’s on Team Cupcake (JP’s nickname) now and she can’t wait to introduce him to her kids and celebrate Thanksgivings and Christmases together. Ashley says “well, uh, Hanukkah.” ha, oh, right, yeah.

Where they’re at now: Ashley is finishing school, and then she’s moving toNew Yorkand they’re getting their own place. And as if that huge ring wasn’t enough, the show is sending them back toFiji.

Well, I confess I’m glad it’s over. What did you think? Are you going to watch The Bachelor Pad?

Looking forward (with hope for a better Bachelor/Bachelorette) to next season. Until then – cheers!

The Bachelorette Recap episode 9, season 7

This week we’re in Fiji and I’m super jealous. Ashley is here to get engaged. We are all here to make fun of her.

Recap her “relationships” with the remaining men. Tip: fast forward.

Ryan, the solar energy specialist is here (surprise!) to say things left unsaid. He’s wondering if she is regretting sending him home. (I doubt it). Apparently this is the season of awful comebacks. Woof. Ryan wants to know if she’ll spend more time with him. He gives a huge speech and she doesn’t say anything so he pulls out a piece of paper to leave with her – info on where he’s staying – so she can come find him if she wants more time with him. So…he flew all the way to Fiji to pour his heart out…and wait…and wait to see if she shows up.

Ben says their relationship is effortless. Oh, Ben, I really like you and don’t want you to like Ashley. Ugh. Ben says his mother really liked Ashley and this experience has really changed him. I despise recycling contestants but I am getting the distinct feeling we’re being set up to fall in love and pity Ben for an upcoming season (say it ain’t so!). They take a yacht ride to snorkel, and on the way lube each other up with tanning oil. Ben says he is more comfortable with her, falling for her, and he thinks he is going to tell her he loves her. He does tell her that he feels fully committed but he only tells her that he is “on his way to the whole ‘I love you’ thing.” then goes in for the kiss because it’s awkward because he didn’t actually say ‘I love you.’ Now she’s ready to offer him the fantasy suite so he can show her how he feels instead.

Ashley says she has a Greek god by her side and Mumbles takes note by taking his shirt off. Next, she exclaims, “oh, wow!” and Mumbles is overly pleased with himself. Ha! In any case, Constantine seems way more excited about the helicopter than Ashley.

Meanwhile, Ryan is brooding around the island wondering if Ashley will ever come to see him.

Ashley says that Constantine is still more closed off than the others so she asks him how many houses he looked at before he bought his home. Apparently it was something like 108, which to prove her point means that he takes too long to jump into a relationship. She likes him a lot but she can’t give him the time he needs…because, you know, this is a competition, not a quest for love. Constantine says Ben taught him about wine and Ashley asks if it’s hard for Constantine to be dating her being friends with Ben. Ashley really lays it out flat saying that she doesn’t feel that Constantine is in it. He says that in relationships he is usually very easily affectionate and he can’t figure out why this isn’t coming easily for him. Constantine says that he made a promise to himself that if he got to the point of being offered a fantasy suite and he wasn’t in love with her that he wouldn’t accept it. He respects her too much. He isn’t in love with her and he’s not ready to propose. Constantine tells Ashley he’s reached the end of his road with her and leaves. She stays sitting at the table, opens the fantasy suite card and is super bummed that she didn’t get to see Constantine naked.

Man, these guys are dropping like flies. But, hey, on the bright side: Ryan P. came back for you, Ashley! She tells Ryan that on paper he is what she wanted and he is one of the best guys she has ever met in her life…but…she doesn’t feel the passion for him that she has found with two other guys. He is sad but he says he is happy for her. And then the sob story: “ugh, is it ever gonna happen for me?” Oi, this guy.

JP is [finally] here and Ashley seems relieved, after all, he is the tell-all-her-secrets-to guy who makes her feel better after she’s been left by other men. JP is gushing about her and Fiji and all bunnies and sunshine and roses. JP says he’s ready for the end and his family would welcome her into the family. Well, this seems like a done deal. They get a private island to themselves and they don’t anything except have awkward conversations…no exploring, no rolling in the sand…blah.

At dinner Ashley gets JP’s hopes up by proclaiming that she’s already said goodbye to two guys this week, leaving him to think he’s the last man standing. Gosh, wouldn’t that have been funny! He is happy to find out it was Ryan P. who came back and not Bentley (because then he’d really be in trouble). Ashley makes JP promise that he is not trying to win just to beat Ben. JP gets the fantasy card and he is into it…but he still doesn’t want to tell her he’s in love with her. Yeah, dude, see if you can sleep with her first. She changes into something more comfortable, and well, it’s likely you know how that ended.

Roses:
Ben
JP

This Sunday: The Men Tell All

Next week: the remaining two men meet the family and both men say I love you. Oh, and ~~it’ll finally be over~~ Ashley will pick her man and possibly get engaged…yay!