The Bachelorette Recap episode 9, season 7
This week we’re in Fiji and I’m super jealous. Ashley is here to get engaged. We are all here to make fun of her.
Recap her “relationships” with the remaining men. Tip: fast forward.
Ryan, the solar energy specialist is here (surprise!) to say things left unsaid. He’s wondering if she is regretting sending him home. (I doubt it). Apparently this is the season of awful comebacks. Woof. Ryan wants to know if she’ll spend more time with him. He gives a huge speech and she doesn’t say anything so he pulls out a piece of paper to leave with her – info on where he’s staying – so she can come find him if she wants more time with him. So…he flew all the way to Fiji to pour his heart out…and wait…and wait to see if she shows up.
Ben says their relationship is effortless. Oh, Ben, I really like you and don’t want you to like Ashley. Ugh. Ben says his mother really liked Ashley and this experience has really changed him. I despise recycling contestants but I am getting the distinct feeling we’re being set up to fall in love and pity Ben for an upcoming season (say it ain’t so!). They take a yacht ride to snorkel, and on the way lube each other up with tanning oil. Ben says he is more comfortable with her, falling for her, and he thinks he is going to tell her he loves her. He does tell her that he feels fully committed but he only tells her that he is “on his way to the whole ‘I love you’ thing.” then goes in for the kiss because it’s awkward because he didn’t actually say ‘I love you.’ Now she’s ready to offer him the fantasy suite so he can show her how he feels instead.
Ashley says she has a Greek god by her side and Mumbles takes note by taking his shirt off. Next, she exclaims, “oh, wow!” and Mumbles is overly pleased with himself. Ha! In any case, Constantine seems way more excited about the helicopter than Ashley.
Meanwhile, Ryan is brooding around the island wondering if Ashley will ever come to see him.
Ashley says that Constantine is still more closed off than the others so she asks him how many houses he looked at before he bought his home. Apparently it was something like 108, which to prove her point means that he takes too long to jump into a relationship. She likes him a lot but she can’t give him the time he needs…because, you know, this is a competition, not a quest for love. Constantine says Ben taught him about wine and Ashley asks if it’s hard for Constantine to be dating her being friends with Ben. Ashley really lays it out flat saying that she doesn’t feel that Constantine is in it. He says that in relationships he is usually very easily affectionate and he can’t figure out why this isn’t coming easily for him. Constantine says that he made a promise to himself that if he got to the point of being offered a fantasy suite and he wasn’t in love with her that he wouldn’t accept it. He respects her too much. He isn’t in love with her and he’s not ready to propose. Constantine tells Ashley he’s reached the end of his road with her and leaves. She stays sitting at the table, opens the fantasy suite card and is super bummed that she didn’t get to see Constantine naked.
Man, these guys are dropping like flies. But, hey, on the bright side: Ryan P. came back for you, Ashley! She tells Ryan that on paper he is what she wanted and he is one of the best guys she has ever met in her life…but…she doesn’t feel the passion for him that she has found with two other guys. He is sad but he says he is happy for her. And then the sob story: “ugh, is it ever gonna happen for me?” Oi, this guy.
JP is [finally] here and Ashley seems relieved, after all, he is the tell-all-her-secrets-to guy who makes her feel better after she’s been left by other men. JP is gushing about her and Fiji and all bunnies and sunshine and roses. JP says he’s ready for the end and his family would welcome her into the family. Well, this seems like a done deal. They get a private island to themselves and they don’t anything except have awkward conversations…no exploring, no rolling in the sand…blah.
At dinner Ashley gets JP’s hopes up by proclaiming that she’s already said goodbye to two guys this week, leaving him to think he’s the last man standing. Gosh, wouldn’t that have been funny! He is happy to find out it was Ryan P. who came back and not Bentley (because then he’d really be in trouble). Ashley makes JP promise that he is not trying to win just to beat Ben. JP gets the fantasy card and he is into it…but he still doesn’t want to tell her he’s in love with her. Yeah, dude, see if you can sleep with her first. She changes into something more comfortable, and well, it’s likely you know how that ended.
This Sunday: The Men Tell All
Next week: the remaining two men meet the family and both men say I love you. Oh, and
it’ll finally be over Ashley will pick her man and possibly get engaged…yay!
One thought on “The Bachelorette Recap episode 9, season 7”
Your recap is hilarious! I love it! Thanks! Also, I share your disdain for Ashley. Worst bachelorette pick ever!