Night two of back-to-back Bachelor episodes puts us in Canada, don’cha know. And it’s cold and snowy and beautiful at Lake Louise where the gang is holed up in the mountains at the Fairmont.  Fancy!  They’re definitely not roughing it.  Here’s a recap of episode 6:

One-on-One Date:  Catherine — “Let’s find our fairy tale ending.”

The date starts off with Catherine standing solemnly, alone in the cold, cold snow.  And then along comes her man, trucking along in a big snow bus.  Is it just me or does this terrain look a little too fierce for Sean to be in charge of navigating that glacier?!  Just me, ey?

Following an afternoon braving a snow storm to play around, go sledding, do cartwheels and handstands, and make snow angels, a carriage ride takes them to a private date in an ice castle built just for them.  They use their intimate surroundings to get to be a bit more serious than their usual giddy, grinning selves.

When she was 12 years old, Catherine says she went to summer camp with her best friend and on a trail walk a tree fell on a girl in front of her, killing her instantly.  Catherine says this explains why she is the way she is — appreciative of her life and willing to make the most of every moment.  It helped her realize, she said, that she most wants to have a partner in life and to find great love and start a family.  Sean is smitten and gives Catherine a rose to assure her how special she is and how much he cares for her.

Group Date:  AshLee, Daniella, Selma, Lesley, Tierra, Sarah, Lindsay — “Let’s bare our souls.”

The group is shocked that Daniella is included on the group date, as she’s the only girl left to not experience a one-on-one date with Sean.  That’s saying something, ey?  The group date starts off with a canoe ride across the lake — fortunate for Lesley, she’s a quick study and realizes there’s room for one girl in Sean’s canoe so she hops on in.  Once the girls all get to the other side of the lake, they’re hoping for a hot tub or something relaxing (and warm), but instead Sean tells the girls to suit up for a polar bear plunge in the freezing cold water.  Does not sound fun at all.  Lindsay is the only one who seems really excited.  Sean is quick to introduce the lifeguard and EMT who warns the gals about hypothermia.

Selma is a smarty who opts out of the plunge and leisurely reapplies her lip balm instead. AshLee is seriously considering not taking the plunge, but she sees this as the ultimate show of faith and her feelings for Sean so she goes through with it anyway.  Sean and all the girls run and jump in and are extremely invigorated when they’re back on land and cozying up in their robes.  Everyone except Tierra who can’t seem to breathe.  The emergency team wraps her up and whisks her away. And by whisk her away, I mean they carry her.  Seriously, people? You don’t have a golf cart or something to transport a little quicker?  In any case, it’s all very shaky camera and serious.   That is until she gets back into the hotel room and gets a latte in her hands and then all she can say is something along the lines of missing time with Sean.  Instead of a hot mess, Tierra’s a cold mess with mascara running down her face.  Once she gets all cleaned up in a solo suite, surprise, surprise, Sean shows up to console her and even she says coyly “I don’t want you to see me like this — for the third time!”  Huh.  You’d think this guy would’ve caught on by now, but that is just not the case.

The group date girls are all ecstatic for an evening that’ll be Tierra-free.  Lesley and Sean get some alone time and she uses the opportunity to tell Sean how crazy she is about him.  They both use the word “love” a lot.  A lot.  There’s a lot of love. No “I love you” — no, no.  But they both love lots of things about each other.

Sarah has a surprise planned for Sean — some old family photos she uses to show him a glimpse into her family life so that he might want to come home and meet them soon.  Sarah gets a quick peck on the mouth but I’m definitely not seeing any sparks flying.  Nothing like the stuff Taylor Swift songs are made of.

Despite telling Tierra not to come to the party so that she could rest and take care of herself, the sneaky little devil shows up anyway.  But not before spritzing half a bottle of perfume forming an impenetrable cloud around her.  Pee-yew! Yuck.  It’s also awesomely timed because she walks in in the middle of all the girls having a bash session.

“Everybody: watch your back! We have a Tierra-ist on our hands.” — Lesley.

Sean asks Tierra if she wants a proposal at the end of the season and instead of the speech she gave last night about how she could get engaged to anyone she wanted, she gives a very scripted “I just want to be happy in our life together.”

Happily, Lindsay steals Sean away for a hot and heavy makeout session.  She seems satisfied, even when Lesley wins the group date rose.

When Sean gets back to the hotel room after the group date, his heart is heavy because he realizes that he doesn’t see a future with Sarah and she’s spent a good chunk of her evening with him telling him about how much she wants him to meet her family.  As soon as Sean sits Sarah down, she knows what’s coming.  Sean says he feels like he’s reaching trying to make things work and he’s looking to her hoping she’ll agree and I’m happy she lets him keep talking to try and explain himself but she finally does let him know that she’s surprised and disappointed but she’s also super classy about it all — even as he tells her in a very Chris Harrison-esque way: “You know, whenever you’re ready. Just take your time.”  Jerk. Waits for her downstairs in the lobby instead of in the hallway. Can’t even help her carry her bags?  Sheesh.

One-on-One Date: Desiree — “Don’t be scared…to fall in love.”

Desiree is the first lady contender to get a second one-on-one date.  Sean realizes that Desiree is questioning his feelings for her, and whether she should even be there.  The duo hikes up Tunnel Mountain for a stunning view of Banff National Forest.  Sean is making her work for her food — they’ll repel down the mountain to a picnic spot.  I feel like we’ve seen a version of this, no? Yes. Yes, we have. But that lady just went home so not to worry aboot that.  (See what I did there?!)

Side note: I think I’ve decided that Desiree looks a bit like Katharine McPhee.  Right? Is that it?  (Speaking of her, SMASH is back — yesss!!!)

During their picnic, they both reassure each other about their own feelings and Desiree says she’s decided to commit to seeing this thing through because she thinks they may have something really special. Sean concurs. And just like a scene straight out of Twilight (minus the spider monkey flying), Sean and Desiree shimmy up a tree.

For their evening entertainment, they’ve got a cozy little bonfire in an awesome teepee.  Love that! So fun.  Des says when she was young her family didn’t have money so she’s lived in a tent (probably not as nice as that teepee), a fifth wheel, a trailer, apartments…she says that money is really not important to her at all.  She says her parents always made it work and looking back she never felt any tension or resentment but that she knew love and putting others first, which is why she’s so humble and just focused on creating a house full of love for her own life.  Sean is impressed.  Boy, is he! Such a perfect answer for him!  Sean tells us that he can see himself proposing to Des.  I think that’s the first time we’ve heard that out his mouth, ey?!?   Needless to say, woman of his dreams Desiree gets the rose.

“I opened up about spending some of my life living in a tent and here I am falling in love in a teepee.”  — Desiree. Best quote ever.

Cocktail Party:

• Sean says at this point in the game, if he can’t picture a woman raising a family with him, then he can’t keep her here anymore.  Dun dun duun duuuun…
• Selma feels like she missed out because she didn’t do the polar bear plunge so now she’s going to break her mother’s heart and kiss Sean on national television.  Her family is shamed. I’m sure her cleavage isn’t embarrassing her family at all and that it was the PG kiss that really threw them all over the edge.
• When Lindsay gets alone time with Sean she tells him up front that there will be absolutely no kissing because apparently that’s all they ever do.  That’s funny.  Sean wants to know something about Lindsay and she says “I sleep naked.”  His response: “I respect that. I won’t argue with that.”  They are goofy and funny and even I’m smiling.  They also can’t help but keep their hands and lips off of each other and end up making out anyway.  Solid effort, you two.
• AshLee, a self-identified control freak, decides to act out a little trust exercise by bringing a blindfold so Sean can lead her around, a symbol that she’s relinquishing control to him in order to lead their relationship.  Very Fifty Shades, ey?
• Still seems like Daniella didn’t get any significant alone time.

Roses:

• Catherine, the giddy one
• Lesley, the funny one
• Desiree, the tree climber
• Lindsay, the liplocker
• AshLee, control freak
• Tierra, crazy freak

Going Home: Selma is “leaving with a heartbreak and a memory” and Daniella feels slighted because she didn’t even have a chance to get to know Sean (which is probably why she’s going home).    

Coming up this season: With six girls left, they’re now off to warmer weather in St. Croix. Hallelujah!  Plane rides, dancing, jumping off boats, falling in love, rolling around in the sand, a tear-filled Tierra crazy freakout/well-executed plan.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

With 11 ladies left, there are three dates this week including a group date, a one-on-one date and the dreaded two-on-one date where someone gets sent home.  Good news is the ladies are headed off for some traveling adventures — first stop: Montana.  (we hear someone in the background exclaim “What?!” and I agree. Not as cool as somewhere exotic abroad.)  Here’s a recap of episode 5:

“I’ll make the best of it,” says Tierra the Tierrable as she swats at flies.  Welcome to Montana.

One-on-One Date:  Lindsay — “Let love soar.”

Lindsay is so excited to get the one-on-one date that she’s crying whilst all the other girls cry inside wondering if they’ll be sent home as the third wheel on the awkward two-on-one date.

Sean says Lindsay’s wedding dress stunt on the first night almost sent her home but now he’s excited to put her adventurous side to the test, starting with a helicopter ride.  They take off for a tour of Glacier National Park.  Let’s just hope she doesn’t get stranded on the glacier a la crazy “guard and protect your heart” Kasey from Ali’s season.  Sean says he really likes Lindsay because she’s not high maintenance and they exchange “I feel like I know you so well” compliments in between makeout sessions during their picnic.

Later on, things heat up with a cozy fireside and wine chat.  Lindsay talks about her dad being gone during the war when she was a teenager, which Sean believes explains why she wants to settle down and start a family so much.  And that’s his soft spot so they start making out.  Once they come up for air, Sean gives her the rose.

“I just want her to know how extremely special she is and you know, we come from two different backgrounds but at the same time we do share the same morals and I think we both want the same things.  More than that, I think we get along so well and it clicks so easily.  That’s just two personalities gelling together and that’s probably more exciting than anything else.” — Sean, about his relationship with Lindsay.

The final surprise Sean has for Lindsay is Sarah Darling (?) performing “Home to Me” and it looks as if the whole small town of Whitefish, Montana is there to watch them sway back and forth in attempt to dance.

Group Date: Selma, AshLee, Desiree, Catherine, Sarah, Lesley, Robyn, Daniella — “You make my heart race.”

Selma can’t kiss so she runs full on to jump in Sean’s arms to greet him.  There’s a whole lotta “ya’ll” in Sean’s vocabulary now that we’re in the country.  And as they approach goats, one of the girls wonders out loud: “are those dogs?” (My money is on Daniella).  Chris Harrison welcomes them to The Bachelor’s Montana Wilderness Relay: a canoe race, bucking hay, sawing through a 12″ log, and milking a goat (and drinking it!). The winning team moves onto the second part of the date and the losers go home with goat’s milk on their breath.

The red team: Selma, Desiree, Sarah and Robyn.
The blue team: AshLee, Leslie, Daniella and Catherine.

Lesley, determined to win, has a little pep talk with the goat about drinking its milk. And in a Dr. Doolittle moment, comes to an agreement with the goat: “He said he’ll make it chocolate for me.” Oh, Lesley.  You need more camera time!

Selma and Robyn are awful at canoeing. Just wretched.  But then the blue team breaks their hay bales in half. Oh, and the poor goats are just getting violated.  And finally, kudos to Desiree who chugged the milk that she just retrieved out of that poor goat. The blue team loses and the driver of their getaway van makes them stay just long enough to see the red team’s champagne toast with Sean.  Ouch.

In the second half of their date night, the intimate group heads to a bar whilst Chris Harrison greets the losing blue team back at their hotel.  He surprises the blue team with a date card from Sean that reads “Sending you home didn’t feel good. Please join me at the party tonight.” Redeemed, the girls are probably thinking they shouldn’t have been pity drinking so hard back at the hotel in their pj’s, but they suit up and get ready. Sean breaks the news to the red team and Desiree, the goat milk guzzler, is livid. And rightly so. She should at least get a rose.  That stuff wasn’t pasteurized.

By the looks of it, Tierra’s been writing an 18-page scornful letter, front and back, and she’s determined to go find Sean and give him a piece of her pissed off mind. Not even thinking enough to put on a sweater, Tierra, marches herself right into that bar.  Cuh-razy!  She questions Sean for giving her a two-on-one date and all but tells him to send Jackie home.

Desiree gets some alone time with Sean and is sure to let him know how disappointed she is because of how much effort she put into the race to get quality time with him, only to have it squandered.  Further evidenced when AshLee promptly interrupts that alone time.  Point well made, Desiree.  Sad thing is that he probably thinks she’s being whiny, but she was being totally honest.  But honesty doesn’t win anything, especially not the makeout session that AshLee and Sean are having while Desiree’s in the other room pouting.

“Catherine is someone that all I wanna do is, like, snuggle with her…I enjoy being affectionate towards her and just being with her and showing her how much I care about her. I just love being with Catherine.” — Sean, on his relationship with Catherine.  By gosh, she’s just darling. And all smiley and giddy.

Daniella is emotional and upset when she walks outside to find Catherine sitting on Sean’s lap.  Desiree is definitely the best one in the house because she’s already got the camera angles figured out enough to know how to block Daniella’s ugly crying from view.  Now that’s a girl you wanna be friends with.  Desiree for next Bachelorette, anyone?!  Anyhoo…now that Sean’s back from gallivanting with Catherine, he takes Daniella away to go talk it out and make-it-out on a coach somewhere to make her feel better.  When in doubt: make out.  Works. Every. Time.  Daniella gets the group date rose!  Robyn is Bitter Betty (and it’s probably gonna get her sent home).

One-on-One Date: Tierra & Jackie — “Love is a wild ride.” (Two women, one rose, one stays, one goes.)

Sweet, pretty Jackie thinks that Sean will see Tierra’s devil side.  Oh, you.  That’s precious. It seems she’s going to play the friend card in attempt to warn Sean about Tierra’s tierra-ble side.  Apparently Tierra was flirting with a cute guy at the airport, which she tells him because she’s absolutely sure that he’d want to know. Ugh, this never works! Ladies and gents, if you ever go on this show remember: the one who tattles always gets sent home. Always!  Write that down.

Sean seems like he doesn’t know about Jackie yet and Tierra’s a safe bet that he just wants to feel up out a little more. Following an afternoon of horseback riding, the trio has a romantic, fireside dinner that’s inevitably super awkward.  Sean says if he could be somewhere else, he’d like to be there.  For the first time we hear Sean admit that Tierra’s probably full of drama.  Tierra gives the negative-is-a-positive interview answer to how she’s feeling: “I just have the biggest heart” which equates to “I care too much.”  She opens up to Sean about being scared to open up because she is scared of losing someone again — basically she’s just scared. She tells the story of how she lost her best friend who passed away, a guy she knew for 13 years, dated and stood by as he was in and out of rehab.  It apparently is this sob story that leads Sean to find some redeeming qualities in Tierra, enough to keep her around and give her the rose.

As she exits, Jackie warns Sean to be careful with his heart.  Why does this tattling person every season say things that are so vague?  Why not give explicit examples and documentation?  Write this stuff down, people!  Give him a list. There’s gotta be a better way.

After Jackie exits, Sean and Tierra have a little picnic to watch some private fireworks whilst the rest of the girls at the hotel look on in awe. Cue crazy Tierra the Tierrable laugh.

Cocktail Party:

• Desiree gets more reassurance from Sean but it gets a little rocky when Desiree calls Sean unpredictable and Sean defensively asks if she’s talking about Tierra.  They seem able to get past it but there’s some lingering confusion.
• Tierra is bored and wants to spice things up.  “I honestly wish I was a fighter. I honestly do. Because I would beat the s*&! out of these bitches.” — Tierra the Tierrable.
• In response, Robyn says “I am so sick of her. I’m gonna take this to Bad Girl’s Club.” Robyn approaches her with a backup posse of Lesley and Catherine to call Tierra out on her two-sided BS — she won’t talk to anyone in the house but then the cameras turn on or Sean shows up and she lights up and puts on her show.  Tierra’s retort is that she’s over it all and if she really wanted to get engaged, she could easily go get engaged with any of the plenty of guys in the world.
• Desiree appropriately notes that Tierra needs a Xanax and to be sent home.  Sean is still clueless but he happens to walk by in the middle of Tierra’s furious rant.  He pulls Tierra aside so she can tell him that she’s being attacked by every single girl in the house. And she’s a no-drama person. And she can only handle so much.  Sean might be catching on a bit and questions when Tierra proclaims:  “I am such a nice girl and no one gives me credit here.”
• Sean pulls Lesley aside and asks her flat out if he needs to know anything about Tierra, with specifics.  Lesley is trying to act classy about this but she’s still vague so Sean isn’t much the wiser. All he knows is that Tierra’s not that nice. Apparently.

Roses:

• Lindsay
• Daniella
• Tierra the Tierrable
• Celibate Selma
• Catherine
• Lesley
• AshLee
• Sarah
• Desiree

Going Home:  Jackie and Robyn.

Coming up tomorrow night: a polar bear plunge and someone’s not breathing.  Tierra the Tierrable.  Probably just a set up so she can say “you took my breath away.”   It gets ugly. But it is a good show, I’ll give her that.

Coming up this season: bears, Canadian Rockies, waterfalls, ice castles, bikinis, lots of crying, monkeys!, elephants, lanterns, declarations of love,  lots of making out, and a Dear Sean letter on proposal day.

What were your favorite moments of the night?