There are six ladies left and they’re flying on a sea plane to St. Croix.  Whoa. That place is gorgeous.

At least at this point in the show Tierra is coming to terms with where she stands: she knows she doesn’t have friends in the house.  As all the other ladies fawn over their big beds and the lush accommodations, Tierra grabs the roll away bed out of the closet and gets it all set up in the living room.  Ha!

Here’s a recap of episode 7:

One-on-One Date:  AshLee — “Let’s get carried away.”

After Tierra spends a good chunk of time belittling AshLee behind her back for being an old lady of 32, Sean picks up AshLee for their romantic date day on a catamaran. The clips of their date show them frolicking in the sun, jumping off the boat, and looking like a knockout in her hot bikini bod.  During her camera time, she’s a tad too emotional but apparently that’s what he likes about her so far.

That is, until he gets her alone on the beach and he asks her to tell him all about Tierra.  Friend zone?  Well, no, not right now, as evidenced by their rolling around make out sessions in the waves.

For their romantic dinner, they’re set up on the sand with the waves not far away. Sean pretty much tells AshLee that he’ll be heading home to meet her family and he’s wondering if there’s anything else he needs to know.  Well, yes, as a matter of fact there is! Funny you should ask.

AshLee says 15 years ago she was having a hard time, she hated her mom, and she had a boyfriend that she married at age 17.  They started dating her freshman year, they got married her junior year and were done by senior year.

“I want to come to you as whole as I can and I don’t want to be like this broken girl that comes to you…so, I didn’t want to ruin today but I feel like I kinda did.”

“I had no idea what you were gonna say. I thought you were going to say something terrible…I certainly don’t view you as broken so just take that out of your vocabulary.” — Sean, in response to AshLee’s confession about being engaged and underage. (okay, married and underage)

And now for the super cheesy part: AshLee gets up and asks “are you ready for this?” and yells “Hello St. Croix!!!!” and then Sean does too.  Oh, but wait, it gets worse.  Then she says again “are you ready for this?” and then yells “I love Sean!!!!”  Ugh. So corny.  But hey, she probably watched him get up in front of a crowd on a soapbox and spout off about love so maybe she was trying to prove she’s got guts too. (despite the fact that there’s no crowd if you don’t count the production crew).

One-on-One Date: Tierra — “Let’s explore our love on the streets of St. Croix.”

The girls are all excited and jealous. Meanwhile, Tierra is uber disappointed.

“…being attacked by bugs and the sweatiness and my makeup dripping off, you know, that’s not fun nor cool,” says Tierra about her one-on-one date with Sean.

All she does is complain to the camera but she’s putting on a smile for Sean to brave through this extremely difficult day — you know, leisurely strolling around town buying stuff. Perfectly timed, a parade strolls through town, and Tierra is actually looking like she’s having a good time.  And it seems just like that, Sean has forgotten all of the drama that AshLee laid out for him in the sand.

When Sean asks Tierra about how things are going in the house, she says it’s difficult because the girls don’t want to accept her and she thinks maybe they’re jealous and they go off and do their own thing and don’t ever talk to her.
Tierra realizes that Sean is acting a little distant and she’s beginning to catch on. At dinner she tells Sean she feels behind in the game and that she has stronger feelings for him than he does for her.  Gosh, that girl is good! Now Sean feels guilty! But, at least he’s honest in telling her that it’s probably the drama in the house that is putting her a little behind. And now the game is really on.

Tierra tells Sean that she really cares for him a lot, she’s really falling for him and she really hopes he takes that into consideration when he goes home.

Sean is singing a different tune now and declares, “I have come to the conclusion that she’s probably not nice to the other women but she’s genuine with me.”  Oh, and hey, she won’t have to keep living with the other girls after this week anyway.  No biggie.

Group Date: Catherine, Desiree and Lindsay — “Love is on the horizon.”

At 4:42 a.m., Sean sneaks into the girls’ room and Lindsay squeals “ahh, I’m naked!” haha…naked sleeper!  Too funny.  Sean is pleasantly surprised at how lovely the girls look before they get all trussed up.

“I’m probably the lowest maintenance person here. I just need to pee and I’m good to go.” — Catherine, who I think wins just for that.

Their date is a sunrise to sunset road trip date across the island. Catherine and Lindsay feel like they’re the outcasts of the date as the two spend a lot of time alone together flirting.  Both Lindsay and Catherine are alarmed at how strong their bond is already.  Little do they know that AshLee and Tierra are already throwing out big words like “love” and “falling for you.”

There at the end it seems like Lindsay is getting a bit desperate and needs to tell Sean how much she wants to stick around.

“Catherine and I have a very unique relationship where we can be weird and goofy and then in a moment it can turn to serious. And I like that.” — Sean about his relationship with Catherine.

Catherine shares that her dad will probably not be at her hometown date. He lives in China and was battling depression for a really long time.  She says when he was 14 he had a suicide attempt in front of her sisters and her and she still has a relationship with him — she still contacts him but he won’t be there.

Sean is admiring how great and strong Catherine is and perfectly timed, they spot some dolphins, which he hasn’t been able to see with anyone else.

Talking to Desiree, she breaks out in happy tears talking about her family and how special they are to her.

Sean breaks out the group date rose and after telling all three girls he is very comfortable with all of them, he gives it to Lindsay.  Desiree is shocked.  And then it’s a bit ominous when the sunset they came to see is nowhere to be found. Wah wah wah….

One-on-One Date: Lesley — “I hope our love stands the test of time.”

Sean confesses to the camera that he has stronger feelings for other women at this point so it’s pretty much make it or break it for Lesley. Unfortunately for her, she confesses to the camera that she is falling in love with Sean. Very confidently.  Oooh. Awkward. But then she chickens out and it’s a good thing because it was crickets out there when she was talking about all the chemistry they apparently have.

Lesley keeps talking about the natural progression of their relationship, and meanwhile Sean tells the camera that things are moving way too slow and they aren’t nearly affectionate enough with each other.

I definitely think Lesley is gonna be the girl who goes home wondering if she should have let her guard down a lot more and what could have been if she did.

Surprise Visitor: Shay, Sean’s sister

Sean’s sister arrives to give him some advice.  Shay gives practical pointers about the girls, asks some questions, and brings back a message from the family that they are concerned that he’ll choose someone who doesn’t love him as much as he loves them.

Shay: “What was the only piece of advice your sister gave you before you left?”

Sean: “Don’t end up with the girl no one likes.”

The Big Conflict: Tierra v. AshLee

Tierra asks AshLee if she has anything to say to her and AshLee says no.

“Girls are jealous. Men love me!” — Tierra

“Raised eyebrow, Ashley??  That’s my face! I can’t control my eyebrow!!” — Tierra

“Tierra, you have a sparkle. Do not let those girls take away your sparkle.” — The advice Tierra’s parents gave her before she came on the show.

Sean thinks it’s a good idea to grab Tierra to introduce her to his sister and it’s perfectly timed too, as Tierra the Tierrable is just finished with her rant and now she’s crying alone by herself on her cot. Sean finds her and Tierra whines “why is this happening to me? you know this is so hard for me. I’m so sensitive and I have such a big heart but I’m just so scared of this whole process and I don’t know how to take it…” [pushing out those tears and just when there are enough of them for a good show, she turns to face him so he can get a good look.]  Boy, she’s good.

Tierra tells Sean she confronted AshLee for sabotaging her date with Sean.

“I don’t want to sit here and talk about this because I’m already scared going into tonight.” [sideways look at Sean to see if he’ll reassure me I’m staying.]

Also, does this bother anyone else?  Why is it that all AshLee can seem to remember is that Tierra never says good morning?

When Sean comes back in the room and tells Tierra that he wanted her to meet his sister she really puts on the ugly cry face because she realizes she totally blew it.  Sean tells her that he really cares about her but because she’s having such a hard time with all of this, he thinks it would be best if she went home now. And now she’s gotta play out that tortured girl routine until she gets in the van and she can shout “I can’t believe they did this to me!!!”

Meanwhile, Sean’s left his sister hanging on the beach for like the last hour.  Jerk.  But at least her mission is accomplished and now the crazy lady is gone.

Cocktail Party:

• Tierra’s been gone for hours and none of the girls know what happened so they’re trying to figure out if Sean will walk back in to the rose ceremony with Tierra in tow.
• Sean strolls in and announces to the girls that Tierra went home that afternoon and he explains that he had a moment of clarity realizing she was not going to be his wife and that he does not want a source of drama as a partner.
• And then after that he says he’s confident in his final decision so he is canceling the cocktail party and going straight to the rose ceremony.
• The girls are shakin’ in their stilettos. Especially AshLee since she’s the one that was seemingly on the other side of the drama.

Roses:

• Lindsay
• Desiree
• Catherine
• AshLee

Going Home: The reign of Tierra the Tierrable is over at last. Rejoice!

And, on a sad note, Lesley is leaving, which means there’s not going to be anything funny happening in the coming episodes. Bummer.

P.S. Really liked her dress.

P.P.S. Catherine is crying because she doesn’t understand how he could send Lesley home over her, as he seems to have more in common with Lesley than her. And now her beliefs are shattered.

Coming up: families! Sean asks Lindsay’s dad for her hand in marriage. Desiree’s brother is harsh and calling out Sean on all the bullshit that is The Bachelor and it appears a brawl may be a brewin’!  I’d put money on Desiree’s brother — she said they lived in tents and a car and I figure he’s got a lot more spunk in him.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

Night two of back-to-back Bachelor episodes puts us in Canada, don’cha know. And it’s cold and snowy and beautiful at Lake Louise where the gang is holed up in the mountains at the Fairmont.  Fancy!  They’re definitely not roughing it.  Here’s a recap of episode 6:

One-on-One Date:  Catherine — “Let’s find our fairy tale ending.”

The date starts off with Catherine standing solemnly, alone in the cold, cold snow.  And then along comes her man, trucking along in a big snow bus.  Is it just me or does this terrain look a little too fierce for Sean to be in charge of navigating that glacier?!  Just me, ey?

Following an afternoon braving a snow storm to play around, go sledding, do cartwheels and handstands, and make snow angels, a carriage ride takes them to a private date in an ice castle built just for them.  They use their intimate surroundings to get to be a bit more serious than their usual giddy, grinning selves.

When she was 12 years old, Catherine says she went to summer camp with her best friend and on a trail walk a tree fell on a girl in front of her, killing her instantly.  Catherine says this explains why she is the way she is — appreciative of her life and willing to make the most of every moment.  It helped her realize, she said, that she most wants to have a partner in life and to find great love and start a family.  Sean is smitten and gives Catherine a rose to assure her how special she is and how much he cares for her.

Group Date:  AshLee, Daniella, Selma, Lesley, Tierra, Sarah, Lindsay — “Let’s bare our souls.”

The group is shocked that Daniella is included on the group date, as she’s the only girl left to not experience a one-on-one date with Sean.  That’s saying something, ey?  The group date starts off with a canoe ride across the lake — fortunate for Lesley, she’s a quick study and realizes there’s room for one girl in Sean’s canoe so she hops on in.  Once the girls all get to the other side of the lake, they’re hoping for a hot tub or something relaxing (and warm), but instead Sean tells the girls to suit up for a polar bear plunge in the freezing cold water.  Does not sound fun at all.  Lindsay is the only one who seems really excited.  Sean is quick to introduce the lifeguard and EMT who warns the gals about hypothermia.

Selma is a smarty who opts out of the plunge and leisurely reapplies her lip balm instead. AshLee is seriously considering not taking the plunge, but she sees this as the ultimate show of faith and her feelings for Sean so she goes through with it anyway.  Sean and all the girls run and jump in and are extremely invigorated when they’re back on land and cozying up in their robes.  Everyone except Tierra who can’t seem to breathe.  The emergency team wraps her up and whisks her away. And by whisk her away, I mean they carry her.  Seriously, people? You don’t have a golf cart or something to transport a little quicker?  In any case, it’s all very shaky camera and serious.   That is until she gets back into the hotel room and gets a latte in her hands and then all she can say is something along the lines of missing time with Sean.  Instead of a hot mess, Tierra’s a cold mess with mascara running down her face.  Once she gets all cleaned up in a solo suite, surprise, surprise, Sean shows up to console her and even she says coyly “I don’t want you to see me like this — for the third time!”  Huh.  You’d think this guy would’ve caught on by now, but that is just not the case.

The group date girls are all ecstatic for an evening that’ll be Tierra-free.  Lesley and Sean get some alone time and she uses the opportunity to tell Sean how crazy she is about him.  They both use the word “love” a lot.  A lot.  There’s a lot of love. No “I love you” — no, no.  But they both love lots of things about each other.

Sarah has a surprise planned for Sean — some old family photos she uses to show him a glimpse into her family life so that he might want to come home and meet them soon.  Sarah gets a quick peck on the mouth but I’m definitely not seeing any sparks flying.  Nothing like the stuff Taylor Swift songs are made of.

Despite telling Tierra not to come to the party so that she could rest and take care of herself, the sneaky little devil shows up anyway.  But not before spritzing half a bottle of perfume forming an impenetrable cloud around her.  Pee-yew! Yuck.  It’s also awesomely timed because she walks in in the middle of all the girls having a bash session.

“Everybody: watch your back! We have a Tierra-ist on our hands.” — Lesley.

Sean asks Tierra if she wants a proposal at the end of the season and instead of the speech she gave last night about how she could get engaged to anyone she wanted, she gives a very scripted “I just want to be happy in our life together.”

Happily, Lindsay steals Sean away for a hot and heavy makeout session.  She seems satisfied, even when Lesley wins the group date rose.

When Sean gets back to the hotel room after the group date, his heart is heavy because he realizes that he doesn’t see a future with Sarah and she’s spent a good chunk of her evening with him telling him about how much she wants him to meet her family.  As soon as Sean sits Sarah down, she knows what’s coming.  Sean says he feels like he’s reaching trying to make things work and he’s looking to her hoping she’ll agree and I’m happy she lets him keep talking to try and explain himself but she finally does let him know that she’s surprised and disappointed but she’s also super classy about it all — even as he tells her in a very Chris Harrison-esque way: “You know, whenever you’re ready. Just take your time.”  Jerk. Waits for her downstairs in the lobby instead of in the hallway. Can’t even help her carry her bags?  Sheesh.

One-on-One Date: Desiree — “Don’t be scared…to fall in love.”

Desiree is the first lady contender to get a second one-on-one date.  Sean realizes that Desiree is questioning his feelings for her, and whether she should even be there.  The duo hikes up Tunnel Mountain for a stunning view of Banff National Forest.  Sean is making her work for her food — they’ll repel down the mountain to a picnic spot.  I feel like we’ve seen a version of this, no? Yes. Yes, we have. But that lady just went home so not to worry aboot that.  (See what I did there?!)

Side note: I think I’ve decided that Desiree looks a bit like Katharine McPhee.  Right? Is that it?  (Speaking of her, SMASH is back — yesss!!!)

During their picnic, they both reassure each other about their own feelings and Desiree says she’s decided to commit to seeing this thing through because she thinks they may have something really special. Sean concurs. And just like a scene straight out of Twilight (minus the spider monkey flying), Sean and Desiree shimmy up a tree.

For their evening entertainment, they’ve got a cozy little bonfire in an awesome teepee.  Love that! So fun.  Des says when she was young her family didn’t have money so she’s lived in a tent (probably not as nice as that teepee), a fifth wheel, a trailer, apartments…she says that money is really not important to her at all.  She says her parents always made it work and looking back she never felt any tension or resentment but that she knew love and putting others first, which is why she’s so humble and just focused on creating a house full of love for her own life.  Sean is impressed.  Boy, is he! Such a perfect answer for him!  Sean tells us that he can see himself proposing to Des.  I think that’s the first time we’ve heard that out his mouth, ey?!?   Needless to say, woman of his dreams Desiree gets the rose.

“I opened up about spending some of my life living in a tent and here I am falling in love in a teepee.”  — Desiree. Best quote ever.

Cocktail Party:

• Sean says at this point in the game, if he can’t picture a woman raising a family with him, then he can’t keep her here anymore.  Dun dun duun duuuun…
• Selma feels like she missed out because she didn’t do the polar bear plunge so now she’s going to break her mother’s heart and kiss Sean on national television.  Her family is shamed. I’m sure her cleavage isn’t embarrassing her family at all and that it was the PG kiss that really threw them all over the edge.
• When Lindsay gets alone time with Sean she tells him up front that there will be absolutely no kissing because apparently that’s all they ever do.  That’s funny.  Sean wants to know something about Lindsay and she says “I sleep naked.”  His response: “I respect that. I won’t argue with that.”  They are goofy and funny and even I’m smiling.  They also can’t help but keep their hands and lips off of each other and end up making out anyway.  Solid effort, you two.
• AshLee, a self-identified control freak, decides to act out a little trust exercise by bringing a blindfold so Sean can lead her around, a symbol that she’s relinquishing control to him in order to lead their relationship.  Very Fifty Shades, ey?
• Still seems like Daniella didn’t get any significant alone time.

Roses:

• Catherine, the giddy one
• Lesley, the funny one
• Desiree, the tree climber
• Lindsay, the liplocker
• AshLee, control freak
• Tierra, crazy freak

Going Home: Selma is “leaving with a heartbreak and a memory” and Daniella feels slighted because she didn’t even have a chance to get to know Sean (which is probably why she’s going home).    

Coming up this season: With six girls left, they’re now off to warmer weather in St. Croix. Hallelujah!  Plane rides, dancing, jumping off boats, falling in love, rolling around in the sand, a tear-filled Tierra crazy freakout/well-executed plan.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

With 11 ladies left, there are three dates this week including a group date, a one-on-one date and the dreaded two-on-one date where someone gets sent home.  Good news is the ladies are headed off for some traveling adventures — first stop: Montana.  (we hear someone in the background exclaim “What?!” and I agree. Not as cool as somewhere exotic abroad.)  Here’s a recap of episode 5:

“I’ll make the best of it,” says Tierra the Tierrable as she swats at flies.  Welcome to Montana.

One-on-One Date:  Lindsay — “Let love soar.”

Lindsay is so excited to get the one-on-one date that she’s crying whilst all the other girls cry inside wondering if they’ll be sent home as the third wheel on the awkward two-on-one date.

Sean says Lindsay’s wedding dress stunt on the first night almost sent her home but now he’s excited to put her adventurous side to the test, starting with a helicopter ride.  They take off for a tour of Glacier National Park.  Let’s just hope she doesn’t get stranded on the glacier a la crazy “guard and protect your heart” Kasey from Ali’s season.  Sean says he really likes Lindsay because she’s not high maintenance and they exchange “I feel like I know you so well” compliments in between makeout sessions during their picnic.

Later on, things heat up with a cozy fireside and wine chat.  Lindsay talks about her dad being gone during the war when she was a teenager, which Sean believes explains why she wants to settle down and start a family so much.  And that’s his soft spot so they start making out.  Once they come up for air, Sean gives her the rose.

“I just want her to know how extremely special she is and you know, we come from two different backgrounds but at the same time we do share the same morals and I think we both want the same things.  More than that, I think we get along so well and it clicks so easily.  That’s just two personalities gelling together and that’s probably more exciting than anything else.” — Sean, about his relationship with Lindsay.

The final surprise Sean has for Lindsay is Sarah Darling (?) performing “Home to Me” and it looks as if the whole small town of Whitefish, Montana is there to watch them sway back and forth in attempt to dance.

Group Date: Selma, AshLee, Desiree, Catherine, Sarah, Lesley, Robyn, Daniella — “You make my heart race.”

Selma can’t kiss so she runs full on to jump in Sean’s arms to greet him.  There’s a whole lotta “ya’ll” in Sean’s vocabulary now that we’re in the country.  And as they approach goats, one of the girls wonders out loud: “are those dogs?” (My money is on Daniella).  Chris Harrison welcomes them to The Bachelor’s Montana Wilderness Relay: a canoe race, bucking hay, sawing through a 12″ log, and milking a goat (and drinking it!). The winning team moves onto the second part of the date and the losers go home with goat’s milk on their breath.

The red team: Selma, Desiree, Sarah and Robyn.
The blue team: AshLee, Leslie, Daniella and Catherine.

Lesley, determined to win, has a little pep talk with the goat about drinking its milk. And in a Dr. Doolittle moment, comes to an agreement with the goat: “He said he’ll make it chocolate for me.” Oh, Lesley.  You need more camera time!

Selma and Robyn are awful at canoeing. Just wretched.  But then the blue team breaks their hay bales in half. Oh, and the poor goats are just getting violated.  And finally, kudos to Desiree who chugged the milk that she just retrieved out of that poor goat. The blue team loses and the driver of their getaway van makes them stay just long enough to see the red team’s champagne toast with Sean.  Ouch.

In the second half of their date night, the intimate group heads to a bar whilst Chris Harrison greets the losing blue team back at their hotel.  He surprises the blue team with a date card from Sean that reads “Sending you home didn’t feel good. Please join me at the party tonight.” Redeemed, the girls are probably thinking they shouldn’t have been pity drinking so hard back at the hotel in their pj’s, but they suit up and get ready. Sean breaks the news to the red team and Desiree, the goat milk guzzler, is livid. And rightly so. She should at least get a rose.  That stuff wasn’t pasteurized.

By the looks of it, Tierra’s been writing an 18-page scornful letter, front and back, and she’s determined to go find Sean and give him a piece of her pissed off mind. Not even thinking enough to put on a sweater, Tierra, marches herself right into that bar.  Cuh-razy!  She questions Sean for giving her a two-on-one date and all but tells him to send Jackie home.

Desiree gets some alone time with Sean and is sure to let him know how disappointed she is because of how much effort she put into the race to get quality time with him, only to have it squandered.  Further evidenced when AshLee promptly interrupts that alone time.  Point well made, Desiree.  Sad thing is that he probably thinks she’s being whiny, but she was being totally honest.  But honesty doesn’t win anything, especially not the makeout session that AshLee and Sean are having while Desiree’s in the other room pouting.

“Catherine is someone that all I wanna do is, like, snuggle with her…I enjoy being affectionate towards her and just being with her and showing her how much I care about her. I just love being with Catherine.” — Sean, on his relationship with Catherine.  By gosh, she’s just darling. And all smiley and giddy.

Daniella is emotional and upset when she walks outside to find Catherine sitting on Sean’s lap.  Desiree is definitely the best one in the house because she’s already got the camera angles figured out enough to know how to block Daniella’s ugly crying from view.  Now that’s a girl you wanna be friends with.  Desiree for next Bachelorette, anyone?!  Anyhoo…now that Sean’s back from gallivanting with Catherine, he takes Daniella away to go talk it out and make-it-out on a coach somewhere to make her feel better.  When in doubt: make out.  Works. Every. Time.  Daniella gets the group date rose!  Robyn is Bitter Betty (and it’s probably gonna get her sent home).

One-on-One Date: Tierra & Jackie — “Love is a wild ride.” (Two women, one rose, one stays, one goes.)

Sweet, pretty Jackie thinks that Sean will see Tierra’s devil side.  Oh, you.  That’s precious. It seems she’s going to play the friend card in attempt to warn Sean about Tierra’s tierra-ble side.  Apparently Tierra was flirting with a cute guy at the airport, which she tells him because she’s absolutely sure that he’d want to know. Ugh, this never works! Ladies and gents, if you ever go on this show remember: the one who tattles always gets sent home. Always!  Write that down.

Sean seems like he doesn’t know about Jackie yet and Tierra’s a safe bet that he just wants to feel up out a little more. Following an afternoon of horseback riding, the trio has a romantic, fireside dinner that’s inevitably super awkward.  Sean says if he could be somewhere else, he’d like to be there.  For the first time we hear Sean admit that Tierra’s probably full of drama.  Tierra gives the negative-is-a-positive interview answer to how she’s feeling: “I just have the biggest heart” which equates to “I care too much.”  She opens up to Sean about being scared to open up because she is scared of losing someone again — basically she’s just scared. She tells the story of how she lost her best friend who passed away, a guy she knew for 13 years, dated and stood by as he was in and out of rehab.  It apparently is this sob story that leads Sean to find some redeeming qualities in Tierra, enough to keep her around and give her the rose.

As she exits, Jackie warns Sean to be careful with his heart.  Why does this tattling person every season say things that are so vague?  Why not give explicit examples and documentation?  Write this stuff down, people!  Give him a list. There’s gotta be a better way.

After Jackie exits, Sean and Tierra have a little picnic to watch some private fireworks whilst the rest of the girls at the hotel look on in awe. Cue crazy Tierra the Tierrable laugh.

Cocktail Party:

• Desiree gets more reassurance from Sean but it gets a little rocky when Desiree calls Sean unpredictable and Sean defensively asks if she’s talking about Tierra.  They seem able to get past it but there’s some lingering confusion.
• Tierra is bored and wants to spice things up.  “I honestly wish I was a fighter. I honestly do. Because I would beat the s*&! out of these bitches.” — Tierra the Tierrable.
• In response, Robyn says “I am so sick of her. I’m gonna take this to Bad Girl’s Club.” Robyn approaches her with a backup posse of Lesley and Catherine to call Tierra out on her two-sided BS — she won’t talk to anyone in the house but then the cameras turn on or Sean shows up and she lights up and puts on her show.  Tierra’s retort is that she’s over it all and if she really wanted to get engaged, she could easily go get engaged with any of the plenty of guys in the world.
• Desiree appropriately notes that Tierra needs a Xanax and to be sent home.  Sean is still clueless but he happens to walk by in the middle of Tierra’s furious rant.  He pulls Tierra aside so she can tell him that she’s being attacked by every single girl in the house. And she’s a no-drama person. And she can only handle so much.  Sean might be catching on a bit and questions when Tierra proclaims:  “I am such a nice girl and no one gives me credit here.”
• Sean pulls Lesley aside and asks her flat out if he needs to know anything about Tierra, with specifics.  Lesley is trying to act classy about this but she’s still vague so Sean isn’t much the wiser. All he knows is that Tierra’s not that nice. Apparently.

Roses:

• Lindsay
• Daniella
• Tierra the Tierrable
• Celibate Selma
• Catherine
• Lesley
• AshLee
• Sarah
• Desiree

Going Home:  Jackie and Robyn.

Coming up tomorrow night: a polar bear plunge and someone’s not breathing.  Tierra the Tierrable.  Probably just a set up so she can say “you took my breath away.”   It gets ugly. But it is a good show, I’ll give her that.

Coming up this season: bears, Canadian Rockies, waterfalls, ice castles, bikinis, lots of crying, monkeys!, elephants, lanterns, declarations of love,  lots of making out, and a Dear Sean letter on proposal day.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

Shirtless Sean is back again and not only that, but we get a lovely ground-up shot of our Bachelor in his tighty blackies (is that what you call black boxer briefs?) so we know it’s time for this show to get a bit more steamy.  Leslie H. is crying four minutes into this episode because she just wants a date.  So does everyone else, lady. Calm down.  Here’s a recap of week 4:

One-on-One Date:  Selma — “Let’s turn up the heat.”

Sean says that he’s really looking forward to spending time with Selma and giving her a little surprise.  In the limo, Selma makes sure to announce her weight: 110.  Just in case you didn’t catch that shameless plug.  Also, we’re pretty sure half that body weight is being held in the general vicinity of her push-up sports bra.  They pull up to the airport and Sean has a private jet waiting with a red carpet rolled out.  Sounds like a glamorous start to the date, but don’t get ahead of yourself, there Selma. You’re still in workout clothes.  In the middle of the desert.

“I got the limo, I got the jet, and then he took the Iraqi to the desert,” says an utterly disappointed Selma.

They hop in a jeep and head off to Joshua Tree National Park where they’ll be rock climbing.  Selma is not impressed and definitely not pleased.  She hates heights, loathes heat, and is similar to AshLee in that she probably doesn’t like anything that has to do with activities.  It’s gonna be a long climb, I can tell ya that much. But, Selma finds her inner goddess and scurries up the rock — I think just far enough up in front of Sean so that he can’t hear her cursing. Also, it’s pretty clear Sean told her to head up first so he could stare at her butt the whole way whilst the camera can shoot down her shirt, all the while listening to her grunting up that rock just so Sean might know what she sounds like in bed.  She’s a clever one, that Selma.

For dinner that night, Sean still doesn’t want Selma to feel at ease so he’s sucked all the glamour out of this part of the date too, bringing her to a dinner in a cute little campground area with a country glam trailer for Selma.  They lounge, lying together when Selma lets us in on her background: she grew up in a conservative, strict Arabic home; she wasn’t allowed to date and she says her parents put a lot of pressure on her.  Sean tells the camera how much he wants to kiss her, but Selma says she needs to explain herself to Sean so that he understands why she can’t kiss him on camera in front of all of America.  Selma says she won’t let Sean kiss her until she’s his only lady.  So, scratch that: not so steamy of an episode.

But then she goes and makes a really taunting statement: “I can take you home but I can’t kiss you.”  Jerk.  Seriously, this must be a game because why else would you come on national television for a dating competition?  Really?

Group Date: Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Catherine, Amanda, AshLee, Sarah, Tierra — “I’m looking for a woman who can roll with the punches.”

Catherine is psyched. Linsday thinks they’re getting in giant hamster ball things and rolling down a hill.  She’s wrong.  They’re playing (do you play?) roller derby.  I’m not quite sure why people do this.  Who likes this?  Answer: Tierra. Tierra likes this.  Sean calls it from the get go: Tierra and Amanda are going to be hardcare competitors. Amanda lies and tells all the other girls she’s a roller derby pro.  Robyn’s doing the splits because she can’t even stand up in skates.  You’d think that she’s just not coordinated (see out-of-the-limo acrobatics disaster), but it turns out all the girls are taking dives left and right.

Who’s the a-hole who decided to put the one-armed girl in a vicious, physical competition?  Thank the Lord for the sweet, supportive preacher’s adopted daughter who encourages her, while Sean just stands there looking like an oaf.  He finally gets a clue and spends some time reassuring her.

Amanda’s psycho side is definitely coming out but then she takes a face dive. Oooh. Ouch.  Sarah says she heard Amanda’s chin smack on the ground.  As she’s cupping her face, Sean desperately asks: “where does it hurt?!”  Idiot.  The medic comes and tells Amanda that she could have a broken jaw. So she’s whisked off to the hospital and much to the girls’ delight, Sean tells them they don’t have to compete and instead they’ll be free skating.  Phew!

• At the rooftop party, Tierra’s angry eyes are starting to show the devil within.
• Sean pulls Sarah aside and she’s relieved to have time alone with him because she’s very embarrassed following her difficulty with roller derby.
• Amanda arrives during the party and Sean pulls her away to talk. Amanda admits that she plays dirty and will milk the heck out her injuries to get ahead.  All she gets is a kiss on the chin.  Totally not worth it.
• Tierra and Robyn are ready to rumble but instead Tierra says she’s ready to walk out.  And then she does.  She asks a producer if she can leave and then she goes on a hunt to find Sean as he is making out with Lindsay.  Cue the emotional meltdown.  Meanwhile, Sean and Lindsay have changed into bathing suits to get in the hot tub but Tierra pulls him away. Tierra tries to explain to Sean the torture that she’s enduring because she’s so sensitive. And, you know, no one knows what this experience is like.  Not anyone who’s been on any of these 17 seasons.  No one.  Ugh.  Tears are gone, heart to heart is happening, and then she breaks character and smirks a bit.  She makes it pretty clear she wants her alone time with him — either a date or a rose — and when he excuses himself to grab the rose, those cuh-ray-zee eyes come out and she knows she’s got her man.  What.A.Sucker.  This season’s Bentley for sure.
• The other girls are pissed.  And, it appears Robyn may be the one to try to make Sean see Tierra’s dark side.  That never bodes well.

One-on-One Date: Leslie H. — “Could this be forever?” (and fancy diamond earrings!!)

Not only does Leslie get to wear some fancy schmancy earrings, they get a fancy convertible to match.  In a very Pretty Woman-esque date, Sean takes Leslie to Rodeo Drive to go shopping.  Is everyone forgetting that Julia Roberts was a hooker in that movie?  Ha. Just kidding.  Super fun date. Except, the dresses are awful.  She finds a dress, shoes and a purse, and Sean gets suited up in a tuxedo to surprise her with a trip to Neil Lane to add a 120-carat diamond collar necklace to her ensemble.  It’s like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I’m surprised they aren’t followed by diamond guards all night.

The final surprise of the night is a private dinner.  Conversation over dinner is awkward.  I think the diamonds are a consolation prize and he intends on saying goodbye to her this evening.  Everything she’s saying sounds great but there doesn’t seem to be any chemistry between them, right?  Sounds like an interview.  Sean says Leslie is gorgeous, conversation is effortless but the connection just isn’t there.  Not surprised. More compliments.  It’s like a compliment sandwich, with the meat really being that he’s just not that into her.

Sean just gets right into it, picking up the rose and telling Leslie that this was such a romantic date and day and yet he still doesn’t feel a romantic connection with her.  “So yeah, Leslie, I can’t give you the rose.”  And I am surprised those diamond guards aren’t standing outside ready to strip her of that necklace.

What’s worse is that Ben Taylor (should I know who that is?) was there to perform live just for them.  Jerk.  Should’ve had at least a few dances with her before he said goodbye.  She never got to take those new shoes for a spin.  Sad story.

Back at the mansion, the girls are jealous that Leslie gets to keep the diamonds, even as her bags are taken from the house.  Well, Leslie, consider yourself lucky. Not everyone gets diamonds!

Cocktail Party:

• Sean showers AshLee with compliments and reassurance that he’s always thinking about her.  They kiss.
• Robyn tries out really awful pick up lines on Sean – a totally cliche take on “want some chocolate?” – and they kiss.  She’s freaking out because she’s so happy.  Giddy even.
• The girls are gathered around the mansion fire talking behind Tierra’s back, which essentially is pointless because she already has a rose. And because she heard them.
• Tierra asks Robyn and Jackie for alone time so she can apologize.  She must realize one of them will go running to Sean to tattle so she’s taking the offense.  Instead of an apology, Tierra tells Robyn that it’s her fault for assuming she didn’t like her, and then tells Jackie she’s learned to put up with her. Wasn’t much of an apology but they both accept.  Tierra admits it was totally fake and forced. She’s here to win, folks.
• In alone time with Sean, Tierra tries to get sympathy from Sean with the “girls don’t like me” and “I hate drama” cards, and Sean is still blind so he lets her play those cards all night.
• Catherine has a healthy perspective on understanding Tierra’s got a reign on everyone in the house so she’s decided to ignore it and just focus on Sean. She’s got a piece of paper with her lip prints on it tucked into her lady parts — frisky! And then as if that wasn’t forward enough, she blurts out: “I”m so attracted to you.”  The tension is building and they really want to make out but everyone else is watching so Catherine proposes a walk.  Good plan.  After more exchanges of “I like you” and “no, I like you” back and forth, they have a sweet kiss out front where no prying eyes (except the cameras) can see.

Roses:

• Selma
• Tierra
• Catherine
• Desiree
• Lindsay
• Lesley
• Robyn
• AshLee
• Sarah
• Jackie
• Daniella (though he barely got her name out of his mouth…whoa, awkward)

Going Home:  Leslie (with her diamonds) and I-almost-broke-my-face-for-you-Amanda (whose outfit I really liked).

Coming up: next week there are two days of Bachelor with a plane ride, snow, a concert, dancing, helicopters, fields, blindfolds, horse & buggy rides, tears, crazy laughs, bikinis, and maybe a hospital visit.  Our guess is a polar bear plunge date turned hypothermic disaster.

What were your favorite moments of the night?

Shirtless Sean is back for episode 3.  It’s not that tense yet, but the fun is just starting, right?  Here’s a recap of week 3:

One-on-One Date: Lesley M.  — “How long will this love last?”

Lesley packs her bags just in case she gets the boot (what a way to start off your date, right?) and saunters away with Sean to the Guinness World Records in Hollywood. Lesley says it’s normal and fun to hang out with Sean by herself, ya know, doing normal date-like stuff.  But let’s face it: she’s totally bummed there’s no helicopter or fancy diamonds.

Sean tells Lesley that his dad set a Guinness World Record for driving the 48 states in the shortest amount of time. And then he tells he lays it on her (well, not yet, actually) — they’re there to try to break a world record of their own:  longest on-screen kiss! A crowd has gathered in Hollywood to watch and cheer them on, which is super awkward and I’m surprised I’m not in the crowd live tweeting the awkwardness.  P.S. In addition to wishing I was a florist so I could make a killing as a sponsor of this rose-filled show, I now also wish I had some stock in Chapstick. That’s gonna come in handy right now. Seriously, advertisers should be clever like that.  Write that down.

The current on-screen kiss record has stood for over 10 years at 3 minutes and 10 seconds and I just tell Mumbles that I think they must have it wrong because I’m sure there’s lots of films with more than three minutes of consecutive kissing but most people just won’t cop to watching it. Ha. I kid. But seriously.  Perhaps it’s for the rule that their lips must not break from one another (apparently no extra points for tongue here, which is fine by me).

“At first it’s so passionate and then it’s just a little awkward.”
– Lesley, who keeps making it awkward whilst she continuously claws at his head and opens her eyes.

More than three minutes later, the record is broken and they get a fancy framed certificate (but still not a lip balm in sight). Yay! Confetti. Now, onto alone time…Sean says he feels very comfortable with Lesley. And he’s even more smitten with her when she talks enviously about her parents’ marriage. It’s like these girls know that the family thing could possibly be a soft spot with this guy.  I wonder…

Lesley shyly tells Sean that he makes her very nervous…she giggles a bit, tucks the hair behind the ear, blushes…and then they make out. Meet Lesley’s move. Works like a charm! Watch for that in future episodes. I’m sure it’ll be back.

To conclude their evening on the Roosevelt Hotel rooftop, Sean gives a lovely little speech about how quickly he’s developed butterflies for Lesley and as they kiss there’s a loud bang but not to worry, this isn’t my wedding night and that bang isn’t a drive by shooting (true story, but I digress…), it’s just more confetti being released.

Group Date: Kacie, Robyn, Leslie H., Kristy, Catherine, Desiree, Taryn, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie, and Tierra — “Who’s going to win my heart?”

“I’m glad I’m not on the group date because I have a feeling it has something to do with activity…” – AshLee

It doesn’t take long for Sean’s shirt to come off, at the ladies’ insistence, of course. After some frolicking in the sun, buzzkill Chris Harrison shows up and splits the group into two teams. After a horrible, clumsy game of beach volleyball, the blue team wins and the red team is frustrated, sad and doing a bit of sore losing if we’re being honest. Furthermore, I’d say Sarah probably would’ve played better than most of those girls.

Now that the group is down to half, everyone is vying for some quality time with our stud muffin Sean.

Lindsay is getting even more swimfan-like if that’s even possible and she’s already talking about being best friends and reading each others thoughts and I’m sure producers cut out a part about bunnies and sunshine to go along with those roses but surprisingly, Sean’s not scared off yet so they just make out.

Sean says he loves Desiree’s confidence and he doesn’t think he’ll tire of spending time with her. “You won’t; I’m fun,” she replies. I like her. She continues to share her philosophies on life, explaining that she sees beauty in the world and enjoys life and that’s why she’s so happy. Gosh, she’s just a doll, isn’t she?

Amanda tries to bring a funny lady vibe to her time with Sean and fasts forward to tell him how awesome she’s going to make their marriage. When she returns back to the group of girls, she makes sure to let them all know she’s getting a rose, which only grinds Desiree’s gears. And now Kacie can foresee there’s drama a brewin’ so she’s going to put herself back in the friend zone and tattle to Sean. But good boy Sean knows well enough to ask Kacie why she would bring that to him because both the other girls seem fine and haven’t said anything to him. “But why are you involving yourself in that?” says Sean, perplexed. “I just want you to act like Kacie, not like this crazy person.” Wah wah wah… You’d think by now she would know that the person who runs to tell the Bachelor something about the other girls never gets anywhere but gone.

“This has been a night I’d prefer to rewind and start again or completely forget about.” – Kacie

Sean gives the group date rose to Lindsay and now Kacie can’t stop crying.

One-on-One Date: AshLee  — “Do you believe in magic”
Before this date starts, there’s a bit of controversy because Tierra thinks she’s being he house jester by saying Selma’s name is on the date card too, leading them to believe it’s a two-on-one date and someone might be going home.  You can almost see it in Tierra’s eyes: the “OMG girls, tots just kidding! I’m such a jokester!” And the girls are not amused. And it’s probably a good thing it’s not an elimination date because I already had AshLee pegged to be going home. Ha.

While AshLee’s waiting for her prince to come swoop her up for her date, Tierra falls down the stairs. When the paramedics get her in the collar and on a stretcher, Tierra refuses to go with them.

“She will go as far as she can minus the hospital.”
– AshLee on Tierra’s performance.

The “magic” is at Six Flags Magic Mountain, a place for which AshLee is completely inappropriately dressed. The amusement park is shut down just for them for the day, but Sean has invited two girls with chronic illnesses who love The Bachelor to join them for the date. It’s a darling story, actually. Kudos to you, ya big teddy bear of a Bachelor!

AshLee says her heart is thrilled to see Sean choosing to give back. After a day of riding roller coasters, playing carnival games and winning oversized stuffed animals, the Eli Young Band performs a private show for the four of them. And it’s so sweet when one of the girls says under her breath that she’s never been to a concert. Precious. Also, Sean cannot dance. Awful.

During alone time AshLee tells Sean she wants a big family and would like to adopt older kids, and Sean confides that it’s also been on his heart to adopt children. After she tells Sean the story of meeting her dad for the first time, Sean tears up and AshLee goes in for the friendly hug. Sean gives her a rose. The band plays a slow song, they stare into each other’s eyes and have their first kiss.

Cocktail Party:
Sean takes Sarah outside and a limo pulls up which freaks her out because she thinks he’s escorting her out to send her home but it turns out he has arranged for her dog, Leo, to come visit. Very nice, but all I can think is maybe he should have brought the dog at the beginning of the week since he left her lounging around the house without a date. Just sayin’.

Tierra is pissed off when Desiree interrupts her alone time so Tierra steals him back. And then that happens with every other girl. Steal after steal after steal. And poor Desiree was still waiting on that couch because hours ago Sean promised he’d return. Oops.

Kacie tries to apologize but Sean seems disinterested. Looks like having played this game before has not put her at an advantage. She’s been around crazy too long! Before the rose ceremony Sean pulls Kacie outside to tell her that he thinks they are better off as friends. Kacie says she left Ben’s season with no regrets but she’s got a lot of them to mull over this time around.  Should make for some fun fodder for The Girls Tell All.

Roses:
Tierra
Leslie H.
Catherine
Daniella
Robyn
Selma
Sarah
Jackie
Amanda
Desiree

Going Home:
Taryn is sad she didnt open up more but wonders if shes not sweet enough for him. Kristy is level-headed but somber. And then the tears. Do you think Kacie going home was a set up to possibly make her the next Bachelorette??

Coming up:
Fast cars, fancy jewels, cuddling close, plane rides, bad come on lines, roller derby, and the reign of Tierra.

What were your favorite moments of the night?