Shirtless Sean is back again and not only that, but we get a lovely ground-up shot of our Bachelor in his tighty blackies (is that what you call black boxer briefs?) so we know it’s time for this show to get a bit more steamy.  Leslie H. is crying four minutes into this episode because she just wants a date.  So does everyone else, lady. Calm down.  Here’s a recap of week 4:

One-on-One Date:  Selma — “Let’s turn up the heat.”

Sean says that he’s really looking forward to spending time with Selma and giving her a little surprise.  In the limo, Selma makes sure to announce her weight: 110.  Just in case you didn’t catch that shameless plug.  Also, we’re pretty sure half that body weight is being held in the general vicinity of her push-up sports bra.  They pull up to the airport and Sean has a private jet waiting with a red carpet rolled out.  Sounds like a glamorous start to the date, but don’t get ahead of yourself, there Selma. You’re still in workout clothes.  In the middle of the desert.

“I got the limo, I got the jet, and then he took the Iraqi to the desert,” says an utterly disappointed Selma.

They hop in a jeep and head off to Joshua Tree National Park where they’ll be rock climbing.  Selma is not impressed and definitely not pleased.  She hates heights, loathes heat, and is similar to AshLee in that she probably doesn’t like anything that has to do with activities.  It’s gonna be a long climb, I can tell ya that much. But, Selma finds her inner goddess and scurries up the rock — I think just far enough up in front of Sean so that he can’t hear her cursing. Also, it’s pretty clear Sean told her to head up first so he could stare at her butt the whole way whilst the camera can shoot down her shirt, all the while listening to her grunting up that rock just so Sean might know what she sounds like in bed.  She’s a clever one, that Selma.

For dinner that night, Sean still doesn’t want Selma to feel at ease so he’s sucked all the glamour out of this part of the date too, bringing her to a dinner in a cute little campground area with a country glam trailer for Selma.  They lounge, lying together when Selma lets us in on her background: she grew up in a conservative, strict Arabic home; she wasn’t allowed to date and she says her parents put a lot of pressure on her.  Sean tells the camera how much he wants to kiss her, but Selma says she needs to explain herself to Sean so that he understands why she can’t kiss him on camera in front of all of America.  Selma says she won’t let Sean kiss her until she’s his only lady.  So, scratch that: not so steamy of an episode.

But then she goes and makes a really taunting statement: “I can take you home but I can’t kiss you.”  Jerk.  Seriously, this must be a game because why else would you come on national television for a dating competition?  Really?

Group Date: Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Catherine, Amanda, AshLee, Sarah, Tierra — “I’m looking for a woman who can roll with the punches.”

Catherine is psyched. Linsday thinks they’re getting in giant hamster ball things and rolling down a hill.  She’s wrong.  They’re playing (do you play?) roller derby.  I’m not quite sure why people do this.  Who likes this?  Answer: Tierra. Tierra likes this.  Sean calls it from the get go: Tierra and Amanda are going to be hardcare competitors. Amanda lies and tells all the other girls she’s a roller derby pro.  Robyn’s doing the splits because she can’t even stand up in skates.  You’d think that she’s just not coordinated (see out-of-the-limo acrobatics disaster), but it turns out all the girls are taking dives left and right.

Who’s the a-hole who decided to put the one-armed girl in a vicious, physical competition?  Thank the Lord for the sweet, supportive preacher’s adopted daughter who encourages her, while Sean just stands there looking like an oaf.  He finally gets a clue and spends some time reassuring her.

Amanda’s psycho side is definitely coming out but then she takes a face dive. Oooh. Ouch.  Sarah says she heard Amanda’s chin smack on the ground.  As she’s cupping her face, Sean desperately asks: “where does it hurt?!”  Idiot.  The medic comes and tells Amanda that she could have a broken jaw. So she’s whisked off to the hospital and much to the girls’ delight, Sean tells them they don’t have to compete and instead they’ll be free skating.  Phew!

• At the rooftop party, Tierra’s angry eyes are starting to show the devil within.
• Sean pulls Sarah aside and she’s relieved to have time alone with him because she’s very embarrassed following her difficulty with roller derby.
• Amanda arrives during the party and Sean pulls her away to talk. Amanda admits that she plays dirty and will milk the heck out her injuries to get ahead.  All she gets is a kiss on the chin.  Totally not worth it.
• Tierra and Robyn are ready to rumble but instead Tierra says she’s ready to walk out.  And then she does.  She asks a producer if she can leave and then she goes on a hunt to find Sean as he is making out with Lindsay.  Cue the emotional meltdown.  Meanwhile, Sean and Lindsay have changed into bathing suits to get in the hot tub but Tierra pulls him away. Tierra tries to explain to Sean the torture that she’s enduring because she’s so sensitive. And, you know, no one knows what this experience is like.  Not anyone who’s been on any of these 17 seasons.  No one.  Ugh.  Tears are gone, heart to heart is happening, and then she breaks character and smirks a bit.  She makes it pretty clear she wants her alone time with him — either a date or a rose — and when he excuses himself to grab the rose, those cuh-ray-zee eyes come out and she knows she’s got her man.  What.A.Sucker.  This season’s Bentley for sure.
• The other girls are pissed.  And, it appears Robyn may be the one to try to make Sean see Tierra’s dark side.  That never bodes well.

One-on-One Date: Leslie H. — “Could this be forever?” (and fancy diamond earrings!!)

Not only does Leslie get to wear some fancy schmancy earrings, they get a fancy convertible to match.  In a very Pretty Woman-esque date, Sean takes Leslie to Rodeo Drive to go shopping.  Is everyone forgetting that Julia Roberts was a hooker in that movie?  Ha. Just kidding.  Super fun date. Except, the dresses are awful.  She finds a dress, shoes and a purse, and Sean gets suited up in a tuxedo to surprise her with a trip to Neil Lane to add a 120-carat diamond collar necklace to her ensemble.  It’s like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I’m surprised they aren’t followed by diamond guards all night.

The final surprise of the night is a private dinner.  Conversation over dinner is awkward.  I think the diamonds are a consolation prize and he intends on saying goodbye to her this evening.  Everything she’s saying sounds great but there doesn’t seem to be any chemistry between them, right?  Sounds like an interview.  Sean says Leslie is gorgeous, conversation is effortless but the connection just isn’t there.  Not surprised. More compliments.  It’s like a compliment sandwich, with the meat really being that he’s just not that into her.

Sean just gets right into it, picking up the rose and telling Leslie that this was such a romantic date and day and yet he still doesn’t feel a romantic connection with her.  “So yeah, Leslie, I can’t give you the rose.”  And I am surprised those diamond guards aren’t standing outside ready to strip her of that necklace.

What’s worse is that Ben Taylor (should I know who that is?) was there to perform live just for them.  Jerk.  Should’ve had at least a few dances with her before he said goodbye.  She never got to take those new shoes for a spin.  Sad story.

Back at the mansion, the girls are jealous that Leslie gets to keep the diamonds, even as her bags are taken from the house.  Well, Leslie, consider yourself lucky. Not everyone gets diamonds!

Cocktail Party:

• Sean showers AshLee with compliments and reassurance that he’s always thinking about her.  They kiss.
• Robyn tries out really awful pick up lines on Sean – a totally cliche take on “want some chocolate?” – and they kiss.  She’s freaking out because she’s so happy.  Giddy even.
• The girls are gathered around the mansion fire talking behind Tierra’s back, which essentially is pointless because she already has a rose. And because she heard them.
• Tierra asks Robyn and Jackie for alone time so she can apologize.  She must realize one of them will go running to Sean to tattle so she’s taking the offense.  Instead of an apology, Tierra tells Robyn that it’s her fault for assuming she didn’t like her, and then tells Jackie she’s learned to put up with her. Wasn’t much of an apology but they both accept.  Tierra admits it was totally fake and forced. She’s here to win, folks.
• In alone time with Sean, Tierra tries to get sympathy from Sean with the “girls don’t like me” and “I hate drama” cards, and Sean is still blind so he lets her play those cards all night.
• Catherine has a healthy perspective on understanding Tierra’s got a reign on everyone in the house so she’s decided to ignore it and just focus on Sean. She’s got a piece of paper with her lip prints on it tucked into her lady parts — frisky! And then as if that wasn’t forward enough, she blurts out: “I”m so attracted to you.”  The tension is building and they really want to make out but everyone else is watching so Catherine proposes a walk.  Good plan.  After more exchanges of “I like you” and “no, I like you” back and forth, they have a sweet kiss out front where no prying eyes (except the cameras) can see.

Roses:

• Selma
• Tierra
• Catherine
• Desiree
• Lindsay
• Lesley
• Robyn
• AshLee
• Sarah
• Jackie
• Daniella (though he barely got her name out of his mouth…whoa, awkward)

Going Home:  Leslie (with her diamonds) and I-almost-broke-my-face-for-you-Amanda (whose outfit I really liked).

Coming up: next week there are two days of Bachelor with a plane ride, snow, a concert, dancing, helicopters, fields, blindfolds, horse & buggy rides, tears, crazy laughs, bikinis, and maybe a hospital visit.  Our guess is a polar bear plunge date turned hypothermic disaster.

What were your favorite moments of the night?