The Bachelor Recap Episode 4, season 16

Let’s dive right into it this week, shall we?

One-on-one date: Rachel  lets bore the heck out of each other [what the date card should have said]
Rachel and Ben take a helicopter ride through picturesque mountains to arrive at a lake for a picnic in a canoe – wow, that’s a lot of transportation. Quite romantic and secluded, it’s just the two of them (with the exception of all the bugs and strategically placed cameras).

Rachel and Ben spend a good few minutes talking about the weather, squinting because it’s sunny, then “oh, hey, thats a beaver dam….” and you can literally hear toads croaking.  Ben says they have good chemistry.  Huh.  Didn’t see that, bud. Later at dinner, they talk a good while about the decor in the room and then Rachel makes a mistake telling Ben there’s no point in continuing a relationship that doesn’t work for the long haul. He agrees. Then she overcompensated, blabbing a bunch of nothing for five minutes. Ugh, he gives her a rose anyway. It’s a good thing Ben thinks she’s pretty.

Group Date: Jaime, Casey S., Blakeley, Lindzi, Samantha, Nicki, Kacie B., Courtney  “Let’s see if you’re a great catch”
Ben rides in on a horse and Lindzi’s thunder is officially stolen.  Just kidding, she thinks it is super hot.  Nicki is all googley-eyed about it too. Anyone else think Nicki’s got a little closet crazy that’s getting ready to come out soon?

Musings from Courtney: “I don’t think this [the date] is about catching trout…it’s more about catching Ben. Catching fish probably isn’t much harder than catching a man and I’ve done that before…it’s all about making moves at the right time, and I don’t see anyone making any moves…”

While the other girls start drinking, Courtney pulls Ben away upstream. Lindzi catches on a bit to the notion that this is a competition and being the outdoorsy gal she is, she thinks she’s got this in the bag.  Uh oh! Courtney catches the first and only fish of the day. Foreshadowing, perhaps? 

Later on, Ben has his eyes set on Casey S., and just as they start a conversation (we learn Ben has been in love four times), we see all the girls toast to not interrupting personal time and Nicki says she can’t commit to that, excusing herself to interrupt Casey S. and steal Ben away for private time together.

Samantha seems like a blubbering idiot, perhaps trying to seem confident by confronting Ben to ask what he’s thinking, and scolding/asking why she hasn’t been on a one-on-one date. Well, Samantha, Ben has noticed that you’ve been highly emotional on group dates and that you seem to have anger and frustration issues. Which is probably why Ben then tells her a) he doesn’t see this going much farther b) she doesn’t take this seriously enough and c) they should end it. Right now. d) [awkward].  e) no, really, you should go.  [where is Chris Harrison to tell her to pack her things and go? Seriously, dude, that’s practically your only job.]

Ben pulls Kacie B. away to tell her that he really wanted to kiss her in the river but the death glares from other women stopped him. Having gotten her reassurance from him, she is happy and smiling ear-to-ear.  Now Ben claims to be scared because it’s so early he likes her so much. She’s wonderful. We think so too. But gotta say I’m a little worried it might not end well.

Courtney is pleased to have alone time with Ben to tell him “two’s fun, three’s a crowd.”  And 13 is…? What’s that, huh?  Ben seems a little irritated and for a minute we almost think he’s seeing through the charade, but… ah…no.  Her plan sure does work like a charm and Ben gives her the rose to reassure her of his feelings and convince her to stay. In the confessional (when the true colors and claws come out), Courtney says “winning!”. I know this was taped a while ago, but whoever is still saying winning is definitely losing. Or is really crazy/brilliant like Charlie Sheen. I haven’t decided yet.  Again, refer to Barney Stinson’s crazy/hot scale. 

One-on-one date: Jennifer  “Let’s pick our love song”
Ben and Jennifer hop a no trespassing gate and Ben explains to her that they’re going down into a crater. Appropriately, Jennifer admits she’s silently freaking out. They repel down into the crater then drop into the water and swim around a bit.  Wonder how long that lasted…

At dinner Jennifer says she was in a four year relationship but the guy didn’t want to marry her so she walked away. Ben senses that Jennifer might be a little too 9 to 5 but she corrects him: it’s more like 8 to 5.  The loose cannon he is, Ben wonders if she can go with the flow, be spontaneous? Apparently so, as it starts to pour and they have to take a mad dash to shelter.  Continuing their dinner date and despite the fact that he just told her he really went into the date thinking they wouldn’t be able to relate and connect, Ben gives her the rose and she seems too excited to have really understood what he just said [“I don’t think we connect on any other level than with our lips.”].

They come down the hill in a gondola to find a Clay Walker concert going on. They dance, it’s cute. More kissing, lots of smiling. The end.

Meanwhile back at the house Courtney pulls out the epic tell-all statement: I get along better with guys than girls.  Of course you do, honey.

Cocktail party
Emily, the doctor, tells Ben that it hurts her to see how different Courtney is with him than she is with the group.  After doing so, she is quite confident she just sent herself home because clearly Ben is not putting up with anyone talking poorly about his beloved. Not sure why she chose tonight seeing as Courtney already has a rose.  Doctor lady is not so smart.  Dwelling in her likely demise, Emily tries to confide in the other girls in hopes for support but is shocked when Casey S. sticks up for Courtney saying that she is really sweet and very genuine. Casey promptly runs off to tell Courtney of the betrayal.  And then, Courtney’s reponse:

“I’m a nice person; don’t f*%! with me…I want to rip her head off and verbally assault her or shave her eyebrows off.”   – Courtney, a nice person

Nicki and Ben head upstairs to play in the snow and kiss a little bit. Crazy is still confined in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.

In a girl scout/sorority-esque moment [hey, ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!], Kacie B. tries to melt the ice in the room by asking “how many of you have learned more about yourself in the last two weeks than in the last two years.” It gets chillier when Courtney doesn’t raise her hand, is adamant she knows herself extremely well and confronts Emily about her bad-mouthing to Ben. Icy.

Roses:
Rachel (boring)
Courtney (winning)
Jennifer (accountant)
Lindzi (horse rider)
Jamie (never gets air time)
Nicki (still waiting for crazy to come out)
Kacie B. (Ben’s Minka Kelly)
Elyse (is still here?)
Blakeley (is seeming a bit more normal lately)
Casey S. (Courtney’s BFF)
Emily (doomed doctor) 

Going home: Poor Monica has been like the helpful mom of the group (despite a weird confrontational start) and has given a listening ear to all. It seems more like a biological clock disappointment than sadness about not being right for Ben, but still, she seemed nice.

Puerto Rico is up next and all the girls are excited and thrilled while Courtney rolls her eyes and announces she was just there two months ago. “Well, we’re going back!,” announces Ben. Yachts, kissing, rain, waves, moonlit beaches, more Courtney bashing, and Courtney and Ben skinny dipping.

P.S. not just a VIP cocktail waitress, Blakeley knows how to stomp. Not the yard, just on a table, but hey, still ups her cool factor.

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