The Bachelor Recap episode 5, season 16

There are 11 ladies left and this week is in Puerto Rico, which means it is really starting to suck get serious…honestly, stuck in a hotel room with a bunch of girls you barely know instead of having a good time exploring the city with a guy you’re kinda sorta dating, plus if you get sent home, it’s a long lonely plane ride.  Good news is every girl gets a date this week. And the first is… 

One -on-one date: “let’s find new love in old San Juan” (spoken in really bad Spanish)  Nicki
Ben says Nicki brings out a playful kid-like side of him. Helicopter escort picks them up for a tour of old San Juan. Nicki is elated and says, “We’re doing things we’ve never done before, like God is smiling down on us (as they buy snow cones from a street vendor)…it’s so perfect, like nothing could go wrong (cue terrential downpour).”

According to Ben: “It’s raining gatos.”  (y por que no perros, Ben?)

Now they get to buy new clothes and walk all over town and they find themselves on a bench across the street from a church wedding just about to start, the perfect opportunity for Ben to bring up her failed past marriage.  Coincidence? I think not. Ben says he’s not sure if he’s ready to get engaged…but in contrast Nicki’s already been married. Coming clean on the shortcomings to her failed marriage, Nicki is desperate to make Ben believe she deserves a second chance at love.

Group date: “Diamonds are a girls beat friend” Lindzi, Courtney, jennifer, Kacie B., Emily, Rachel, Casey s, Jamie, Blakeley.
Oh, Benny boop oop sure tricked us all…he’s not talking diamond jewelry just yet! For now, it’s a baseball diamond…talk about disappointment!  Not sure how or why the women are surprised, as clearly diamonds weren’t the perfect accessory to complement the athletic ensembles the producers instructed all the ladies to wear.  (Although, diamond jewelry to wear later on would have been a clever touch.)

After some practice drills, buddy boy Chris Harrison shows up to announce a romantic beach party happening later but…wait for it…not everyone is invited. Oh no! Winners get Ben on the beach, losers get sent back to the hotel to wallow with Ben & Jerry.  To add to the anxiety of rejection, it’s time to pick teams – of course Emily & Courtney are on opposite teams – and Lindzi is chosen by Ben as the MVP to play on both teams.

“Who knew that strippers could play baseball…?” – Courtney, in reference to Blakeley.

Blakeley gives her losing blue team a “I can’t believe you didn’t want this as bad as I did/why didn’t you play extra curricular softball prior to the show to train for this exact moment?” speech. Okay, that’s not a direct quote but you get the gist. Lots of tears in the loser’s dugout and on the bus ride back to the hotel, smearing that black paint under the eyes (which is a lot worse than mascara, let me tell you).

Musings from Courtney indicate that she has no competition in Lindzi, Jamie, or Casey S., but that cutie pie Kacie B. is one to worry about. I notice that Kacie B. is one of if not the youngest girl here. Age ain’t nothin’ but a thing for Ben as he tells her how much he likes her and appreciates her.  This leads Courtney to come up with a plan of her own to lure Ben away after he returns from giving Kacie B. the rose…to show him what a real woman is all about. In her words, “these girls have no idea what I’m capable of.”  [eyebrow raise, sly smile, weird chuckle, eye twinkle/sparkle].

“Let’s go skinny dipping…It’s not every day we’re in Puerto Rico together…” [although in case you’ve forgotten, I was just here…just not with you.] –Courtney  (yeah, I may have taken some liberties of translating her eyebrow movements in that last part of the quote).

One-on-one date:  “Let’s find love somewhere private” Elyse
She’s got on her huge hoop earrings, a tighter dress than necessary, and a super fake orange tan to match — just in time for their yacht to pull up off the shoreline. Ben’s intro into this date sounds like Ben wants to give Elyse a nice lavish date before sending her packing. Until he learns that Elyse left her job and missed her best friend’s wedding to be there. Ooh. Ouch. Clearly the conversation isn’t getting much better, so hey, let’s jump off the boat a few times!

[insert commercial which confirms casting for next Bachelorette, Emily Maynard, Brad’s ex-fiancée/single mom].

A candlelit dinner on the beach – Ben’s hair is a floppy mess, which looks ridiculous paired with a tuxedo. Ben is quite clearly turned off by Elyse’s comments about having accomplished everything she wanted to as a single lady and now just wanting to be engaged and married…she’s just so sick of being single, gosh darn it!  Ah, yes, then Elyse gives Ben just the opening he needs by saying “There’s no need to not be honest with people, ya know?…it just makes things worse”  Promptly agreeing with a seemingly heavy heart, Ben quickly tells her that he hasn’t found in her what he has found with other women, and with only a little time left with other women, he can’t give her the rose. Oh, and he’s sorry.  I think they should at least give her a bottle of wine to booze it up on the way out, don’t you? 

Then there’s Ben walking barefoot on the beach, pant legs rolled up, strolling in the moonlight with rose in hand, a sweaty, fake-sad mess.  Nice shot.

I don’t know why the girls are all so crazy shocked when the bellman comes to get Elyse’s bag. I smirk in like-minded thinking when Courtney wonders aloud whether Elyse drank too much and “her Jersey Shore came out.” Hey, not too far off, right?

Musings from Courtney: “I guess Elyse leaving is bittersweet; sweet for me, bitter for her.”

Ready to make good on her promise from the group date, Courtney is hiding out sneakily in a staircase with a bottle of wine and two wine glasses for a nightcap. “I’m hoping I’m a vision for him… A sight for sore eyes because after the date with Elyse his eyes are probably sore.” – Courtney

Ben looks like a scared schoolboy who thinks he’s in trouble and then like he’s getting peer pressured into something naughty.  Trying to establish and understand the parameters and probably wanting to make sure he heard her right…”you wanna get full-on naked, right?”  They strip down and jump in the waves, and frolick and laugh then make out and probably a lot more than that which we can’t see.

Cocktail Party
Ben says he and Courtney shared a very intimate moment and now he feels really crappy. Totally sounds like manipulative peer pressure remorse.  Or like he didn’t use protection and he’s wondering if maybe Emily is right and maybe Courtney really is crazy and deceitful and maybe now he just fathered a child with a crazy lady.  A hot, crazy lady.  Essentially, he’s trying to give himself a pep talk to try not to keep picturing Courtney naked when he sees other girls. I think he’s pretty much picked his winner and this show is over. Agree?

•   Jennifer wants to take Ben home to meet her family. And keep her reign as best kisser.
•   Blakeley tells Ben that she had an epiphany: she finally realized she deserves to find a good man and good love. Ben tells her he’s happy she opened up because it’s been so hot and cold between them. And I think really he just wanted to have a hot and heavy make out session. Hmmm….maybe enough to keep her in the game another week. But definitely has provided him with the easy out that she’s now been given a new outlook on love and life, and he’s played his part in making it all happen.
•   Courtney is trying to hint to the girls that she went skinny dipping by starting the conversation.  If Kacie B. would’ve had an opportunity to chime in with her sorority/girl scout icebreakers, it might have escalated into a game of “I never.”  I almost wish Courtney would just tell them to cause a crazy stir.
•   Emily apologizes to Ben for bringing up Courtney last week and tells Ben she’s going to keep focused on just the two of them but then proceeds to get back into defending what she said last week because she thinks Courtney is a weirdo. You’re getting your doctorate, honey, use your big girl words. Ben advises Emily to put it out of her head and tread lightly.  Translate: “I’m gonna marry that girl with the awesome, naked body and you’re going home.”

 Ben says this has been the most pivotal week so far. Yeah, duh. A model got naked with you, dude! Doesn’t get much better than that on this show.

Nicki, who’s a bit needy
Kacie B., the cutie pie
Lindzi, the MVP
Jamie – still gets no air time
Courtney – is winning
Casey S., Courtney’ss BFF
Blakeley – stripper who defies odds by playing baseball
Emily – now walking on eggshells

Whoa! Guess he got all the smooching he needed from Jennifer now that he’s quite a few bases ahead with Courtney. She’s super classy saying goodbye, poor thing, but (much like me) is not a graceful crier.

Panama City, Panama is up next week.  I’m gonna go out on a limb and throw my picks for hometown dates: Courtney, Kacie B., Lindzi, and Nicki. Or maybe Jamie…she doesn’t get any airtime plus she had an interesting home life which would make for an entertaining home visit.  Who are your top four picks? 


One thought on “The Bachelor Recap episode 5, season 16

  1. Can not BELIEVE he sent Jennifer home. That SUPER surprised me. Especially over crazy Emily.
    My predictions for home town visits are Kasey B, Courtney, Lindzi, and Nicki. Unless her crazy comes out, then I think Jamie or Rachel. Not sure why either are still around, but he seems to like them. So I guess I’m thinking the same as you!

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