Welcome to the one before the one — The Women Tell All. The first few minutes are spent showing Sean and Chris dropping in on some Bachelor viewing parties — including one at a sorority house (I think they were chanting U-C-L-A but I can’t be sure) and that little clip concluded with the sorority girls all cheering for Sean to take off his shirt. Absolutely! Of course he obliges.
After introducing the panel of ladies who have returned to rehash their failed attempt at love on national television (all while looking tan and polished and totally put together so as to show America and Sean that he’s made a huge mistake in letting them go), the first mashup of clips that they show is all of the girls saying awful things about one another and pointing out everyone’s flaws. Meanwhile, all I can focus on is that Sarah seems to be rubbing her nub. Awkward. Even at home I’m trying not to stare. Sorry.
“Tierra’s sparkle didn’t sparkle that big,” explains Lesley.
After a huge Tierra bashing session, Chris informs everyone that Tierra is in fact in the studio, there to defend her sparkle. The audience is cordial after Chris Harrison begs for a few moments of compassion. Tierra looks like she’s already been crying backstage but it may just be that she’s got quite a bit of perfume in her eyes since she just spritzed a cloud of it backstage. And it doesn’t look like she’s wearing much makeup…probably to let that sparkle shine through.
Chris: “Anything you’d like to take back? Anything you’d like to apologize for?”
Tierra: “Off the top of my head, no.”
It’s been a really boring back and forth as Tierra defends her friendliness, flashing her new engagement ring, and innocently pondering why it is no one liked her all that much as Chris Harrison continues to lead the witness with questions that essentially paraphrase what everyone’s just said.
“I think Tierra made her own bed — her own cot — what have you.” — Lesley, on Tierra and AshLee’s confrontation in St. Croix
And, after all that, Tierra spouts out an awful apology that probably tastes like vinegar coming out of her mouth.
Tierra is engaged and all the girls on the panel are ready to drown themselves in some large helpings of self pity and wine.
The Tierra segment ends with a “no comment” about when she got engaged, she gives a sly smile, and then says “January.” Weird.
Chris pulls Sarah into the hot seat, informing her that while America loves her, Sean didn’t. Yeah, got that. Thanks, Mr. Obvious. Sarah breaks down after reliving getting dumped and getting the same speech she always does: you’re a great girl, someone else is going to be lucky to have you…And she says — quite rightly — that a lot of other girls probably get that too. And they do. That’s how a lot of break-ups go. Better luck next time.
Reliving Desiree’s tearful goodbye, our little viewing party decides that this show could probably use a tissue sponsor…none of the producers ever keep tissues on hand for these girls and the constant waterworks? Rude.
Des says she was falling in love with Sean and she’s very composed and poised – not defensive, not too sad – just honest and reflective.
For as much as Des was America’s sweetheart, the conversation with Chris was really superficial…but I guess there’s not much to rehash. So Des, you still talk to your brother? Good story.
I’m a little nervous when I take a good look at AshLee on this Women Tell All episode because it looks like someone’s given her a makeover. Either she’s here to make Sean uber jealous or she’s the new Bachelorette. And, I just can’t handle the thought of hearing about abandonment issues and healing and anything of her lengthy metaphors for a whole season. Ugh. No no no. Please, no.
AshLee says she is not in love with Sean anymore and she realized that Sean wasn’t what she thought he was. She said with her Sean was a southern gentleman but when she watched the show and saw the way he acted with the other women, she thought he was more like a frat boy. Having married a frat guy, I say there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!
AshLee is first up to put Sean on the spot. Her only question: “what happened?” Sean’s only real reason is that he couldn’t find laughter with her. I guess that’s as good of a reason as any. I wouldn’t want a love without laughter. I get that.
Sean compares his saying goodbye to AshLee to Emily saying goodbye to him. And he understands why she felt strung along because he had to talk with her about the future. AshLee lectures Sean about what it is to be a southern gentleman and she expresses extreme disappointment that he never checked on her. In her words, she wanted a phone call saying “how are you, babe?” Seriously, lady? You’re crazy. The dude broke up with you. There’s no more pet names. And all he can say is that he thought it would be harder to reach out to her (more like my woman now would kill me if I keep in contact with any of you other gals) after sending her away.
And then the crazy claws come out: AshLee asks Sean why he would say to her that he didn’t have any feelings for the other two girls. Twice! And all flabbergasted Sean can do is sit there and deny it. And all AshLee can do is say that she’s not making it up. Because that’s what emotionally unstable people do. She believes her own version of the truth. And that’s that. Sean puts it on record (to save his potential future marriage to one of the remaining two women) that he does not agree and no such words were ever said. When the show returns from commercial, we get to overhear AshLee and Sean’s private conversation and AshLee stands firm in her belief that Sean did tell her that he didn’t have feelings for the other girls and that when she said “I love you” he replied that when it was all over he would “tell her every day.” So much for your happy ending.
Sean says that Des is a person that makes him smile when he thinks about her (which is often?!) because she’s so full of joy. But, he said that he felt like she was hiding some things behind her smile, to which Desiree nods knowingly and they bid each other adieu. Definitely saw enough closure here for her to potentially be the new Bachelorette. Here’s to hoping.
Next week: elephants, crying, kissing, cabanas, meeting the family, a ring, and a letter.
And, the part of the show that pulled most at my heartstrings: the tribute to the dog that recently passed. Devastating.