As I shared, I wasn’t able to write about the last few episodes in a timely manner due to traveling but let me tell you that I had quite the marathon when I got time at home and it involved a lot of wine and cookie butter!  This episode we’re down to the final three and can we all just agree that Emily is one lucky lady?  I mean, wow.  A great group of guys she’s got and I have an inkling of a bad feeling it’s all going to end really poorly.  But in any case, let’s enjoy it as it unfolds…

Here’s Emily’s take on her last three suitors:
Sean — it was love at first sight and he’s everything she wants in a husband, plus he’d be the best dad ever. He’s funny and he’s a big, muscular guy with a sensitive side. “If we were to get married, Sean would be there fr me no matter what. He gives me butterflies in my heart.”

Jef — loves his style and that he’s his own person. Jef has a little bit of an edge but he’s sweet and thoughtful. He has his own sense of humor and Emily thinks they have the same sense of humor. He makes her laugh more than anyone. He can make anything fun. “My connection with Jef is unlike anything I’ve had in a really long time. He’s so romantic and genuine. I feel like he would make the best husband and stepdad.”

Arie — their connection was immediate. He’s funny.  “I call Arie ‘Sweet Arie’ (lamest nickname ever) because he’s so attentive and he’s always building me up. When I think about what my life wold look like with Arie I know before anything else that he would just adore me forever. He’d be my best friend. He’d just love me forever.”

Emily is in love with three guys!

Sean
Sean is the only one yet to not say I love you. I’m thoroughly impressed by Sean and even more so when he uses the word “imperative”…you just don’t get good diction on this show. I’m not taking that for granted. They take the usual we’re-in-a-new-place-date: a helicopter to a private island. Yawn.

Emily is concerned because she learned from Sean’s family that he was buddy-buddy with his ex, so when she confronts him with this he has a hard time explaining himself. He probably doesn’t want to follow up all the ex questions with “but, oh by the way, I’m totally in love with you.” (good call) but Emily still seems disappointed that in the midst of her interrogations the L word hasn’t magically appeared romantically. I hate that this part becomes like one of those carnival races with horses where you have to squirt water into a hole to move your horse along…it’s like Sean is trailing behind the other two because he hasn’t yet said I love you, but even then… I wonder if that squirt will be enough to put him ahead.  Still with me?

Tonight Emily has a romantic beach date and she is definitely expecting an “I love you.”  But before he professes his feelings, Sean shares a letter he has written to Ricki and it is maybe the most honest, sincere and well-written letter ever read aloud on this show. Ever.  I’m dying in relief.  “I hope to honor you by loving your mom…” Sean says he is excited for his life to change and to be a dad, and assures her that his family has given their blessing and he can’t picture his life without Emily. He finally tells Emily he’s in love with her and she is beaming but instead of saying Sean’s ready to love her forever, she says Sean is ready to love his wife forever. Hmmm….

Sean makes it clear that the fantasy suite will be uninterrupted time together to talk and doesn’t seem at all disappointed when she kicks him out (politely and with a kiss) so he walks away thinking there’s no doubt about it: he’s gonna marry that girl.

Jef

“I’m 100% that I want to be with her but I’m not 100% that this is going to work out.” -Jef, the realist.

“Ricki is the biggest part of Emily’s life and I hope to be the second biggest part of Emily’s life.” -Jef, the practical family man.

“I think we balance each other out…I said that I could keep you out of trouble and you could get me into some trouble. You get me.” -Emily, being lame.

Jef says lots of super lovely things about Emily while they play a sunset montage of the two of them making out and making googly eyes at each other. Emily definitely seems a lot more comfortable and smitten with Jef than with Sean and maybe it’s because she’s had more time to revel in it, but she seems very giddy about Jef saying he loved her.

“The only thing I don’t know about Emily is what it’s like to be with her around Ricki,” says Jef.  I don’t think this statement is lost on Jef who understands that that’s maybe the most important thing there is to know about her. What if you hate her kid? What if she’s a little terror? Then what?

Jef asks Emily quite a few serious questions and her answers sound vaguely rehearsed.
Where would you want to live? I’d like to start our own life together somewhere. I’ve never been to SLC so I don’t know if I’d like it there but I’d want to be wherever you are.
Why haven’t things worked out with other guys? Blah blah blah…something about a spark missing…
Do you think I’m a good fit for Ricki? She doesn’t really answer except to say she can picture Jef at home with her while she’s making lunch for Ricki. And he seems satisfied with this. Mmmm…lunch. Things are all good. Men and their food.

“Our families are going to be watching and I want to be respectful…I plan on spending every night with you in our own fantasy suite.” – Jef, the gentleman, before saying something about “bridling these passions.”

All I can think about while she and Jef are making out is: I wonder where she got that dress? She seems kinda bummed that Jef took the wind out of her sails to turn her down for the fantasy suite before she could turn him down.

Arie
All Arie can think about is when he can propose to her. Their connection was immediate and they waste no time talking before they start making out. They go swimming with dolphins in the open ocean which is really awesome. Emily says she knows Arie would be a great dad because of how protective he is of her. And Arie says she saves all the best dates for him, which might be true. And then they continue to make out and talk about how they can never talk because they’re too busy making out. Haha.  Deep.

Emily asks Arie about his regular days and it doesn’t seem to mesh too much. He wakes up at 9. (not with a kid you won’t!) he goes out to dinner with friends and goes out for pretty much every meal because he hates being alone. (hmmm…do you know how to cook?)

Arie says he thinks that he’d thinks he’d need to take it really slow to get close to Ricki, that he’d need to gain her trust by being her buddy and he couldn’t just hop in and fulfill the dad role. Emily seems impressed by this idea but maybe it’s because she’s into the idea of not really having to have him around all the time…earlier this season she told Arie she’d like his racecar driver lifestyle of being away for weeks at a time.  Yeah, sounds awesome, lady. You love him so much you can’t wait for him to leave.  Cool story.

“You’ve been that light at the end of the tunnel for me.” -Emily about Arie

To avoid temptation with Arie, she just doesn’t even give him the fantasy suite card, which I think is absolutely hilarious and I wonder why he doesn’t even say anything about it. Haha. Good Lord, girlfriend. Now she’s crying over her own self restraint.

Chris Harrison’s conversation, like usual, doesn’t reveal anything or help Emily at all. No surprise there.

Video Messages
Sean — the cynic who wants to spend the rest of his life with Emily also wants to be a father to her daughter and live a life in pure happiness. “I love you and I don’t ever want you to forget that.” (Emily seems angry watching this one)
Jef — happy for the journey and now completely in love says their dates have changed his life forever. “At the top of the ferris wheel in London I didn’t ever want to come down, and on the floor in Prague I didn’t ever want to get up.” He’s happy for their future and promises to keep her cheeks sore from laughing. And he also can’t wait to become a family: “together we will watch a thousand sunsets.” (Emily smirks a few times)
Arie — talks about making out. no surprise.  “My heart is always racing toward you.”  Feeling confident about everything, Arie proclaims that “since the beginning it was always you and me.”  He can’t wait to spend the rest of his life reminding her everyday how beautiful she is, inside and out. (Now she’s contemplative and sad)

Roses
Jef
Arie

I am devastated about Sean. I just adore him. Usually I hate when they recycle contestants but I happily nominate him. What a catch. Sad story. I’m pissed at Emily for sitting him down and not saying a word to him, expecting him to say something like he has anything to explain, and the nice guy he is, he does! She sits there silent like a jerk and he sincerely reiterates that he wanted to spend forever with her and he didn’t see goodbye coming. And it doesn’t help that the best thing Emily can come up with to say say is “I wanted it to be you so bad.” She pretty much means “I know you’re way too good for me” and he’s nothing but a gentleman about it and I just ache for him. Dumb broad.

“When she walked out tonight, in my head I thought ‘that’s my wife.’ I knew without a doubt that I was gonna marry her. It hurts. I’ve had all week to think about this. Never did I think that I was going to be going home, all week my thoughts have been consumed with being a father, being a husband, which I was fully prepared to do. I had this beautiful picture of what my life was gonna be like and now it’s gone.” -Sean, sad and embarrassed, yet refined and earnest, probably more than Emily deserves. Sean goes home. If I wasn’t married I’d be one of those crazy but serious ladies writing in to Chris Harrison desperate for a date with him and probably screaming and stalking him at the Men Tell All Show desperate to slip him my number and photo. True story. If that’s gonna be you in the audience next week, good on you, girlfriend. Make that man happy. 

Next week: no sneak peeks but it’s the reunion show where Chris plays therapist and asks questions that demand obvious, dumb answers. Not excited. Not unless they say Sean is the next Bachelor. I like that guy and I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t mind a whole season of his smile and sexy beach bod. Just sayin’.

Sunday, July 22 is the last rose episode and I kinda get the feeling that there isn’t going to be a last rose. Anyone else think that? Ugh. Dumb broad.

Tonight’s beverage of choice was an individual Sofia Blanc de Blancs…it’s the perfect single serving of carbonated white wine with a darling little straw. Super cute. Just like Sean. Hmph.