The Bachelorette Recap episode 5, season 8 – Emily

With a mere 10 gents left, the “H” word is starting to hover more and more but we can’t get to a proposal without a little bit of drama splashed in.  I’m pretty sure this episode will be the climax so I hope you got your fill. 

One-on-one date: Sean – “love takes no prisoners.”
With the pool of men quickly getting shallower (a la Emily’s personality), I have mixed feelings about Sean because he seems like a great guy and I find myself cringing, wondering how he’ll take it when she tosses him back to reality (where hopefully some dazzling, wonderful woman will scooop him up).  This is Sean’s first one-on-one date and he’s feeling strongly for Emily, and she supposedly feeling strongly for him as well. 

I should mention that it’s about that time in the show where the other boys start to get jealous and huff around all pissy for not getting picked to go out and play.  Kalon is moping around, freaking out because he’s not in control while Emily’s calling all the shots.  And then this happens:

“If you become part of her life pretty much any date is gonna be a group date…muahahaha.” -Kalon, clearly not a fan of single moms (despite the fact that he was raised by one).  I estimate this gem of a line probably was said right before his tirade which included calling Emily’s daughter a bunch of baggage.  

Back on the date, Sean passes the boyfriend test when he offers to carry Emily’s handbag and whilst they walk, they stumble upon Speakers Corner where Sean has the chance to say the most eloquent thing that may have ever been said on this show:

“I think loving someone is giving yourself completely to them. Loving them with an eternal type of love. A bond so much deeper than most people can comprehend. I’ve never experienced the type of love that I’m talking to you about, but I have been in the presence of it – my parents have shown me great love. My grandparents have shown me great love. I’m searching for that great love. I haven’t found it yet but I’m hopeful that I will.” – Sean, the romantic

For dinner that night, Emily and Sean dine inside The Tower of London and despite the fact that she clearly sounds sick, they make out a good deal and both seem pretty pleased with it all. Let’s hope the whole house doesn’t get sick, eh?

“I couldn’t imagine anybody being more perfect of a husband than Sean.” – Emily

Group date: “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Chris, Arie, Ryan, Doug, Alejandro. Travis, John, Kalon.
It’s not shocking that the guys are acting out Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet on today’s group date but somehow they all seem shocked after hours of rehearsing that they’ll have to perform in front of a live audience. While everyone is joking around, Kalon is taking it all too seriously and Arie looks like he could use some Xanax.  Travis is having fun and Alejandro looks pretty darn good in his title getup. The whole thing is just awkward so I’m happy it’s over pretty quickly and they get on to the pub, where the following happens:

  • It doesn’t take long for Arie and Emily to find themselves kissing again. 
  • Ryan gives Emily a gold and turquoise necklace (apparently turquoise is her fave), and then delights us with his wisdom: “When a girl tells you you’re trouble with a smile on her face it usually means she wants to get in trouble.”  You know, I think he and Emily would be good for each other.
  • Doug asks Kalon if what Chris has told Arie is true (whoa, still with me?). What he’s asking is: Did Kalon really actually truly call Ricki baggage?
  • Ryan scorns Kalon and I like him a lot more in protective boyfriend mode.
  • Doug safely secures himself in the friend zone when he tells Emily what Kalon said.  Maybe you can call her after the show to set up a play date, bud.
  • Emily finally shows her spunky southern belle sass when she proclaims to be ready to go all West Virginia hood rat backwoods (or some combination thereof) on Kalon. Fierce.
  • I truly smile for the first time this season when Emily cuts off Kalon and spits his own line right back at him: “I love to hear you talk but not until I’m done…I learned that from you.” And then promptly tells him to “get the f$&! out.” Finger pointing to the door and all.   
  • Guilty and proud of it: “I did say it and I absolutely did mean it,” says Kalon on his way home.
  • Emily tells all the guys how utterly disrespected she feels and how disappointed she is in all of them for not telling her sooner, not fighting for her and Ricki, not standing up for her. Nd one gets a rose and Ricki is the only one sleeping in Emily’s bed tonight.

One-on-one date: Jef
I don’t know what the date card said, but I know it probably sounded like a good idea when it was planned out, but looked really awful to actually be a part of.  During high tea with an etiquette coach you can easily see Jef is bummed he has to share his one-on-one time with an old stuffy lady who’s just bossing them both around – no touching, no talking.  Not a fun date. Emily is pleased to learn that Jef came to her defense during the whole Kalon debacle when they ditch Mrs. Doutbfire to have pints of beer and fish-n-chips at a pub then head to the London Eye for dessert.  Jef makes a promise not to ever lie to Emily and tells her that he’s serious about finding love and is hoping Emily will be his best friend.

“I just want someone to share the details with.” -Jef.

Despite seeming suave, methinks Jef isn’t all that confident but at least he knows it enough to tell Emily he screwed up, missing a lot of opportunities to kiss her and then tries to make up for it. 

“This is definitely the most anticipated kiss of my life.” -Jef

Cocktail party:
Emily asks every guy why they didn’t stand up for her. I wish the producers would have just rolled back-to-back answers from the guys all edited together so we could collectively see all the blank stares and head scratching. Ryan takes Emily up to a balcony to recite some Shakespeare and she is just kicking herself because she’s falling for it. Here comes trouble again…

Emily says “I have butterflies in my stomach when I’m with Sean…but…this is gonna sound cheesy… more so in my heart.”  aww…kinda cute.

Doug (still in the friend zone)
Ryan, T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Chris, the young’un
John “Wolf”

Alejandro is surprised that he’s going home and he’s sad. I am too. He’s way better looking than Wolf.

Coming up: Croatia, hillsides, lots and lots of kissing, Emily walks out on a rose ceremony to ask Chris Harrison who’s not all about her, Emily gets too orange, swimming with dolphins, lots of crying.

Who do you think will make it to hometown dates? 
My guesses are Sean, Jef, Doug (gotta have some time for the kiddos to play together, right?), and Arie. I think Ryan’s the wildcard here but she might let go of him to save herself the heated arguments down the road.  They’re both fiery.


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