Welcome to Panama City, Panama!  Ben welcomes the ladies to their impressive accommodations at the Trump Ocean Club and as viewers we pick up where we left off – Blakeley is still desperate for a one-on-one date.  Sadly for her, it’s not happening.

One-on-one date: “Will our love survive? Pack three things.”
Kacie B.
Cutie Pie Kacie B. is the first lucky lady to get a second one-on-one. They take a helicopter ride (shocking, right?) around the city to a deserted island. Ben is fearful that they may run out of things to say while stranded together.  Tasked to bring three items with her, all I need to know about Kacie B. is that she chose a MacGuiver inspired corkscrew/knife. Oh, and candy, too. Good call, girlfriend. 

Kacie and Ben don’t have much time to talk whilst chopping at trees with a machete that Ben thoughtfully brought to hack at coconuts and such. On a serious note, Kacie opens up at dinner about an eating disorder she overcame as a teen – she is apprehensive but seems sincere in sharing, wanting Ben to know what’s lead her to become the woman she is today. Ben is supportive and excited to get to know Kacie more, gives her the rose and all is happy and well.

Group date: “let’s get lost.” (or my alternative: “Loincloths and loonies.”)
Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Casey S., Courtney, Jamie
During a boat ride, the group spots young boys playing soccer in little loin cloths. They pull over and all the kids run away. Not a good sign. Turns out they just went to put on bigger loin cloths.  That’s nice.  The village women take the ladies to put on traditional attire over their swimsuits but in a not surprising move, Courtney doesn’t wear her bikini top underneath her bejeweled top. “Trying the local flavor” is how i believe she justified that one.  She and Ben are quite the pair in their scantily clad garb. Ben is very pleased. 

“I’ve got moves they’ve never seen.” -Courtney, as the blurred bar over her topless chest has a hard time keeping up with her jiggling movements.  Hey, kudos to her – I’m sure she’s provided at least one person with a full-time editing job on this episode.  Schoolgirl flirting tactics at work, instead of helping Ben with his tribal tattoo-inspired body painting, she decides instead to brand him with a B + C = <3. Classy. I’m sure he loved it.

Lindzi and Ben have a nice chat. Lindzi admits that while she puts on the tough lady persona, she’s cried realizing her boyfriend has multiple girlfriends. Ben seems pleased. They make out.

Ben pulls Courtney away and he tells her how much he appreciates her assertiveness and attention and recognizes that it probably gets her in hot water with the other ladies. True story. [cue Courtney’s signature pursed lips, eyebrow raise, smirk, evil eye sparkle.]

Jamie hasn’t kissed Ben yet – she’s probably the only one. She sets out to kiss him but Courtney lingers poolside in the background and Ben’s eyes can’t help but wander to her while Jamie continues a constant stream of word vomit, talking talking talking. Jamie claims to be super anxious and excited and isn’t learning from Courtney that you gotta make the moves yourself. Meanwhile, Courtney continues “winning” in a game apparently she is the only one playing – tempting Ben and testing his focus and restraint, at which he is completely failing.

Emily and Ben get some alone time and instead of ruining it with courtney complaints, she reveals to Ben that there’s another man in her life…a very recent development she claims she wasn’t expecting…well…it’s the Chief.  Ben cracks up. It’s hilarious. She totally pulled it off. Very clever, that girl.  Now knowing she’s impressed Ben with her wit and charm, she is feeling good about herself and where she stands.  With this newfound confidence she decides to apologize to Courtney for making rash judgments.  It’s all quite lovely until Courtney declares that its too late – bridge has already been burned and Emily ain’t never gettin’ off that list.  Whoa.  Understood. 

Ben interjects at that very heated moment to steal Lindzi away so he can give her the rose.

Back with the group, Ben is thanking the girls for a great date and Courtney lets out a loud, audible sigh, clearly bored with the competition.  Apparently relieved to be back in her hotel room, Courtney gets dolled up in anticipation of Ben taking her up on her offer to visit her hotel room.  She waits up and in her voice over we hear her crying, disappointed that Ben never showed.  Wah wah wah….

Two-on-one date: “save the last dance for me” Blakeley and Rachel
Blakeley is so excited to finally have some time with Ben (even though it isn’t exactly the one-on-one she so wanted) and in contrast, Rachel is extremely nervous. The three’s a crowd date starts out exactly as awkward as its going to be all night with a three person hug. Totally lame. Ben is on the hunt for chemistry but honestly, it’s awful with them both. Their dresses are unflattering and hideous – like Big [Blue] Bird and Barbie/Bubblicious/Pepto Cupcake in dress form.  The dancing is hard to watch from my couch so I imagine being there in person wasn’t much more tolerable. In fact, Blakeley laughs out loud at how awful Rachel is. When Blakeley gets Ben alone she cries and presents him with a scrapbook. If Ben isn’t completely scared off at this point, well then gosh. I just don’t know what to say about that. Luckily, Ben is freaked out by receiving a scrapbook from someone he hasn’t even been out with alone yet. He gives Rachel the rose and Blakeley walks out with Ben trotting after her to explain.  The explanation doesn’t ever really help because he tell them he has relationships that are much farther along with other girls to which they just get even more bitter because they blame him for not giving a one-on-one date sooner. Ah, the vicious cycle.

Back at the hotel, Chris Harrison makes a surprise visit to speak with Casey S.  Following a “hey buddy ol’ pal” pat on the shoulder, he reveals to her that three sources have told him she is in love with someone else. Her boyfriend: Michael. Chris says that he spoke to Michael, and in his perspective he believes they are still in a relationship and she was practically living with him before she came on the show. She goes from denying it, to agreeing he’s her ex-boyfriend, to admitting she needs therapy, to saying she doesn’t want to be in love with him, she came on the show hoping to get over him, and now she wishes he would change and want to get married. Okay, yeah, she is in love with him. Yeah, hey, sure, let’s go tell Ben.  Who would’ve thought two girls this episode would be telling Ben they’re in love with someone else. (at least Emily’s was funny).

Ben seems a bit surprised but also happy to have an explanation as to why Casey has been aloof. She talks herself into a hole telling Ben she came on the show to get over her ex. To sum it up for you, this is pretty much how she explained it: “He didn’t want to marry me …you wanna get married…see where I was going with that? And now if i go back…well he doesn’t want me either.”  Ben doesn’t sugar coat it and tells her that she should go home. She waits to get out into the hallway before completely losing it. Luckily Chris is there to console her. Whoa, she’s an ugly crier. I feel ya girlfriend, I am too.

Cocktail party:
Nicki pounces on the opportunity to drench Ben in overtly intense confessions of feeling.  Ben’s mouth says he’s not scared by this, but the eyes bugging out of his head indicate otherwise.  Nicki confesses to the camera that she thinks she’s falling in love. 

Acknowledging that she’s been quite the prude, Jamie tries to remedy her “left-in-the-dust” status with Ben by awkwardly showing him how sexy had intended to be the other day before chickening out while he wasn’t paying attention to her at all because Courtney was frolicking in the pool behind her. Oh, but there Jamie goes trying to straddle him. But, oh! Wait! Dress rips. “Fancy” she calls it.  This is Jamie being fancy. This is funny is what it is. She’s giggling I think out of delirium and I am in need of more wine. A lot more wine.  This is not sexy.  Realizing this isn’t working, she’s decided to logistically talk through what this is supposed to be like in her head so hopefully it will play out right.  Mapping out their plan of kiss attack, this is all just agony as we witness what is clearly the least amount of chemistry leading into the worst kiss experience ever. Bet he would have kept CPA Kissing Queen around a little longer, huh?

Roses:
Lindzi – maybe the most normal at this point.
Kacie B. – still the sweetheart of the group.
Rachel – can’t dance.
Nicki – what do you call a young cougar? I think that might explain Nicki.
Courtney – sourpuss who’s been stood up.
Emily – came to her senses and might have a shot.

Jamie gets sent home but at least she went out with a bang of a performance.

Next week:
Headed to Belize with six ladies left before homeowne dates.  Looks like we’re in store for more dancing and boat rides, and while Kacie will tell Ben she’s falling in love with him, Ben will tell Courtney he sees her in his life, and to complete the circle, Kacie will caution Ben to be careful with Courtney.  (Does this remind anyone else of the chase scene at the end of My Best Friend’s Wedding when George asks “if Michael’s chasing Kimmy, and you’re chasing Michael, who is chasing you?”…I don’t know…I’m a little worried for Kacie.)

Emily wins the gold star for this episode, not only with her funny Chief charade, but busting out a primal rap she wrote at the end. I wasn’t even nervous watching it so you know it was funny. 

P.S. We had major tv issues tonight at our house which caused a minor anxiety attack but luckily Mumbles came to the rescue. Poor tv is really working overtime on Mondays now: Bachelor, The Voice, HIMYM, 2 Broke Girls, Castle, Alcatraz, Smash, Gossip Girl, Hart of Dixie…I got a lot going on.