The Bachelorette, season 9, episode 3 – Desiree

Posted in The Bachelor/Bachelorette Recaps by

Bachelorette-ep3

Group Date: Chris, Ryan, Drew, Michael, Brooks, Brad, Mikey, Brandon, Zack K., Ben — “Love is a battlefield”

The group of fellas gathered, waiting for Desiree’s suitors look fierce. They’re here to play dodgeball!  Yeah!  And these guys are from the National Dodgeball League. Did you know such a thing existed?  I hope someone starts throwing wrenches. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!”

Someone’s getting hurt, right? You can just totally see that coming.  As soon as the balls start getting thrown…ouch. Looks painful (but very entertaining to watch).  After some serious welts and deflated egos, I’m sure, Chris Harrison saves the boys by announcing they’ll play each other instead of the hardcore pros. I know I’m not the only one a bit disappointed.

The boys suit up, they’ve got the headbands on, short shorts and tube socks pulled high. Awesome.  I love how serious it gets. After a short while, it’s down to Chris and Drew…and blue team wins. Yay! Except, it’s best of three and next thing we know, the red team wins round two.  At the start of the last round, Brooks goes down with an injury and all we see is a bloody hand as he’s whisked away to the hospital. Now it’s down to Chris and Zack, the two pro baseball players…it’s intense. Zack nails Chris and is thus hailed a hero. (read: lots of man hugging and dog piling).

Winners get an after party but Desiree declares them all to be winners so just like AYSO soccer, everyone gets to play. Except Brooks who is at the hospital all by his lonesome.

Brad pulls Desiree away for some one-on-one time to share that he has a three-year-old son named Maddox. His mom and brother help him raise his son. He says the relationship with the mom was uber bad. Like drinking problem, Brad getting slapped with a domestic violence arrest and restraining order (which was all dismissed..whew!).  Not pretty.  But, hey, he seems normal despite the fact that he chose to procreate with a crazy lady. Let’s hope his taste has improved.

Chris surprises Desiree with a walk up to the roof where they get a great view,good conversation, giggling, they’re dangling their feet over the ledge…so romantic, right? But the dude totally fails to go in for the kiss.  Chris thinks he’s totally got the rose on lock but uh oh, who arrives at the last minute?  Brooks!! What a champ!  He looks a little drugged and he’s still in his sexy sport attire (which reminds me even more of Russell Brand for some reason) but he still gets a kiss for getting injured.  Whatever works, bud.  Every broken bone should come with a good story. Later I’m just as surprised as Brooks is pissed that he broke a finger and didn’t get the rose because Chris was right and he won the rose!

Not just a rose winner, Chris gets extra time with Desiree and a private concert by Kate Earl.  And they dance and kiss and sway and smile as all the other guys get to look on in a jealous rage.

One-on-One Date: Kasey — “Love defies gravity”

Before her date, Chris Harrison calls with “bizarre” news about one of the guys so she hops in her Bentley and cruises on over to the mansion to lay into Brian, who apparently has a girlfriend back home.  But wait!  She’s not back home…she’s here!

Best tweet of the night: “It’s never good when Chris Harrison shows up without a date card or a butter knife.”

Girlfriend’s name is Stephanie and he says their relationship was in the past but she said that he invited her to come to California with him, she has a son, they were together the day before he came for The Bachelorette. In fact, even as he denies everything he’s calling her “babe.”  Oh, and apparently they just slept together two nights before he came on the show.  I really wish with every fiber of my being that Desiree would just excuse herself to go have a good time on her date and let these dramatic folks deal with their own horrible lives.  The guys inside looking on are right: “this is stressful.” The best part is when Stephanie just looks over at Desiree and pretty much says “he’s not an honest guy.”  Yeah, got that, thanks.

Kasey has a great attitude about hoping to turn her day around.  I like him already.

“If the lady says she wants to dance on the side of the building, we’ll dance on the side of the building.” — Kasey, a smart man.

I love that he’s being super cute and supportive, encouraging her and telling her how good she’s doing. Just darling.

Their dinner is set atop the same building they spent the afternoon dancing on…and gnarly wind kicks in ruining their intimate conversation, knocking over candles.  So, hey, like I always say: when in doubt, get in the pool.  So they jump in…except, it’s freezing. Ha!  That’s the worst. So, really, what I always say is: when in doubt, just make out. So they do some of that too.

Winning more totally cute points, Kasey assures her that their date needn’t be perfect, he just likes spending time with her.  Desiree heads back into the treacherous winds to retrieve the rose for him.

Group Date: James, Bryden, Zak W., Juan Pablo, Dan — “Who’s the lone man standing?”

Instead of Desiree’s Bentley, a horse-drawn stagecoach is there to take the fellas to their group date. Their group date they’ll be working with the stunt coordinators for the new movie The Lone Ranger.  Very cool. The boys go through cowboy boot camp learning how to gun sling, lasso, and fight.  During their cowboy competition, Dan’s pants rip. That’s funny.  Also, Juan Pablo, the Spanish cowboy…totally pulls it off.  Super hot. He wins. As the winner, he gets a private screening in a barn of The Lone Ranger with Des.  And like any date with a sexy foreign cowboy, Desiree and Juan Pablo spend most of the movie in a steamy liplock session. I think he’ll stick around for just that reason.

P.S. How hot is Armie Hammer?  Whoa.

Later on:

  • Desiree gets a bit impatient with Bryden and has to help guide his way to kissing.  But hey, once they’re there, he thinks it’s awesome.
  • Zak W. seems like too much of a jokester for Desiree to take seriously. He has to apologize for what sounds like an awful failed kiss attempt earlier in the day. We don’t see a redemption there but whatever. He’s intense and probably going home soon.
  • James seems maybe a little too enamored with Desiree but he’s sweet. He shares that he’s worried about his sick dad back home but he’s really trying to submerge himself in the experience with Desiree. He wants Desiree to tell him that she’s interested so he’ll feel like his time away from his dad is worth it. He comes off a bit insecure but Desiree is smitten with his big guy, big heart softy side. All she can think to do is to show James that she’s serious by giving him a rose, proving she wants to get to know him more.  And just the cutest thing ever: when she presents him with a rose, he offers her a daisy he picked. Aww, you’re cute, big fella.

Pool Party

Instead of a cocktail party, Des is coming over for a dip in the pool.  Ben decides to meet Desiree in the driveway for a quick getaway. The other boys at the pool party are sad watching Des and Ben drive up kissing in that car. I think all is forgiven when Desiree gets in her bikini.  Except, Mikey is pissed again when Ben lies about getting one-on-one time…so once again, he confronts Ben. Michael comes too. And lawyer man profoundly declares that he and Ben are not going to be friends. Ben does not seem sad about this.

I get the pillow out to cover my eyes and ears when Brandon pulls her aside because I’m just so worried about him breaking into tears. I feel a restraining order coming on.  The whole conversation escalated really quickly.  You didn’t mishear it: he definitely did just tell her that he’s falling in love with her. And went in very abruptly for a kiss. And all she can do is laugh because, yes, this is her life and this really is happening.  I hope she doesn’t give him a rose tonight because I just don’t think I can handle this for any more episodes.

Rose Ceremony

  • Chris
  • Kasey
  • James, the big softie
  • Bryden with the Lloyd Christmas haircut
  • Juan Pablo, the sexy Spaniard
  • Zak W.
  • Brooks with the broken finger
  • Drew
  • Zack K., dodgeball champ
  • Brad the dad
  • Michael G.
  • Mikey
  • Ben

Going home: Brandon (thank goodness…gotta nip that in the rosebud – pun intended) and Dan. Dan says a classy goodbye but Brandon is really upset and heartbroken. Gosh, can you imagine how that could have escalated in just one more week?  Eek. Bullet dodged. But, Des is trying to be nice and walks after him but he’s already crying and angry and she’s trying to let him down nicely but it’s not helping.  She just keeps apologizing and he just keeps feeling abandoned.  Seriously, they need to reconsider keeping therapist on full time for this show.  Oh yeah, and I’ve already forgotten about Brian and his girlfriend who are probably causing a ruckus working their way toward angry hate sex when they both get back home.

Next week: Atlantic City, carnival games, sand castles, helicopter rides, concerts, lots of making out, a Mr. America pageant, and more Ben controversy.

P.S. The cowboy scene outtakes where the guys are teaching Juan Pablo how to talk in cowboy is hilarious.

Say It With Bacon

Posted in Food by

Do you love bacon as much as I do? How about presenting it in extraordinary fashion as a gift? Ranging from $22-28, a package of bacon in a velvet lined jewelry display case plus cufflinks, a money clip, or mutli-use tool. Father’s Day? Done. You’re welcome.

 

P.S. Different brand, but have you tried Jalapeño Bacon yet? I’m obsessed!

An Adoption Story

Posted in Inspiration by

I was so moved by this couple’s story about how they came to decide to pursue adoption. I think it’s so amazing to hear and understand that her heart is in a similar place as mine as Mumbles and I look forward to welcoming our son this fall. And, I just love that they have chosen to adopt locally. How special.

And how awesome is their announcement photo?!

sara lucero adopting announcement

[image via andthatmakesthree.com…congrats!]

Pregnancy Predictors

Posted in Thoughts & Stories by

Getting the “are you pregnant?” question is not a good one if you aren’t. See this young house love post on the topic (aptly titled “State of the Uterus” and also, watch the movie Two Weeks Notice).  Since finding out we’re expecting, I’ve had a few run-ins which have surprised and stunned me.

Days before I even took a test, I was having crazy, vivid dreams. I went to lunch with Mumbles, his mom and sister and I was telling them all about a funny dream I’d had where I popped out a baby not knowing I was expecting.  In the dream, Mumbles’s older brother and his wife were very angry with us and our lack of preparation.  “But I didn’t know I was pregnant!” I kept exclaiming a la Ross Gellar and “We were on a break!”  It was a funny little episode, my dream, in that I kept saying things like, “Well, we’ll just head to the store and get baby stuff…you can help. Come on, grab the babe.” and then his brother would get furious and remind me we couldn’t just put the baby in the car because I wasn’t prepared with a car seat.  Oh, right.  Well, you can see it was quite an elaborate and comedic dream. When I finished telling the story, my sister-in-law flatly said “I bet you’ll get pregnant in like 3 weeks.”  Oh, you!   And then the next day I had a positive pregnancy test in my hands.

Just after I’d found out, I had a meeting with a client who asked me in a sweet, polite way if we were trying/expecting and though I hadn’t told anyone I couldn’t hide my grin. It was so uncanny that she’d sensed it so early on. I thought for sure I must have a glob of pizza sauce on the side of my face, having just scarfed down a slice before she arrived. But, no, apparently it was my demure glow. (At least that’s what I’m going with).

In late March, I was out to lunch with all my coworkers (none of whom I’d told at this point) when the owner of the shop started telling me all about the space I could reserve for my baby shower. I nervously wondered if I was showing (my pants were totally unbuttoned but I thought I layered over them well). I dusted it off to assume he saw my wedding rings and just figured I was young enough to have a baby shower somewhere in my future.

Do you have a funny “are you pregnant story?” or ever think someone knew before you actually told them?

 

The Bachelorette Recap, episode 2 – Desiree

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Bachelorette-ep2

Desiree walks into mansion and says, “I love you all in your normal clothes!”…scanning the room and all I see are black muscle tees and jeans. Come on, guys, get creative, huh?  

One-on-One Date: Brooks — “I’m waiting for a sign”

Desiree puts Brooks to the test…hopping in a wedding dress on the first date is one way to scare a guy off. Apparently an aspiring bridal gown designer,she wants to show him this side of her. Either that or she’s fearful this show won’t end in a white dress so hey, might as well get to try some on while you can, right?  After trying on some ridiculous tuxes, Brooks dons a dapper tux and he and Desiree take off in her Bentley to pick out some wedding cake at a dessert truck slash get the public in a frenzy probably believing she just up and married some guy.  Their last stop is a short hike to the Hollywood sign for a romantic conversation where Desiree shares the significance that the Hollywood sign holds in inspiring so many people to pursue their dreams (cue the “welcome to hollywood, what’s your dream?!” commercial).  Brooks says he’s had love that he can’t fully explain except to say that he “couldn’t breathe” and doesn’t want to bring her to tears.  Well, that’s a bit alarming.  In any case, they have their first kiss, which I must say is in a pretty stellar location and doesn’t seem terribly awkward.  Later that night, Desiree drives Brooks to a shady neighborhood and takes a wrong turn down a closed road where she insists he act as an accomplice in moving road barricades.  Sure, why not, right?  There he finds that a bridge has been closed down, a chandelier hung and a table for two set up for a romantic dinner.  Over dinner Desiree shares a bit about her family and when she asks about how he dealt with his parents’ divorce, he chokes up a bit but is at least able to spin the totally downer story about how he was super pissed at his dad for years and had a full-blown yelling match…he learned not to take time with family for granted and how he wants to be with his wife and kids.  Apparently it’s enough to save him and he gets a rose.  They kiss casually when yet another surprise awaits them — a live concert on the bridge by Andy Grammer (seriously, who of you could have named that guy?).  At first I think hey, Brooks isn’t such a bad dancer…but then I’m proved wrong as he continues to dance.  It’s always awkward watching just two people dancing with no one else around.  And, what do I always say? When in doubt, make out.  Works. Every. Time.  

I’ve decided Brooks reminds me of a tame Russell Brand.

Group Date: Dan, Juan Pablo, “myself” (I don’t know who you are, card reader), Zack K., Will, Brian, Drew, James, Mikey, Zak W., Nick, Michael, Brandon, and Ben — “Who’s here for the right reasons?”

Mansion, sports cars and Desiree in a tight dress in heels.  What else could this be but a rap video, right?  And it is.  Soulja Boy.  Funniest thing ever: Juan Pablo in a hat and gold chain. Sadly, this is all we’ll see of Juan Pablo all episode. Go ahead, press replay.  The guys have to freestyle rap and I hate every minute of it. Excruciating.  And I can’t even drink because I’m pregnant. I pity myself.  Go ahead, enjoy your wine. The guys who did the best at making a fool of themselves get chosen to star in the video — as past Bachelors and Bachelorette contestants.  Super funny, actually.  I’m laughing more than I’m cringing, which is always a good sign.  Poor Brandon is having a hard time, which probably isn’t easy without pants.  

  • After the wrap of their awful rap, Zak W. gets some alone time with Desiree and he brings her a gift that he found at an antique store — a vintage journal with a lovely inscription.  He felt he needed to show her his serious side since he showed up shirtless.  Good call, dude. 
  • Brandon kinda lost me at the “love is like a butterfly and I don’t want to squash it” speech.  
  • Mikey T. is pissed that Ben swoops in and steals Desiree.  James and the other men speculate whether Ben is, in fact, there for the right reasons.  Ben asks Desiree if she has any questions about his son, Brody, and she says she’s not scared off.  (What about the baby mama?)  Instead, Ben asks if he can kiss Desiree. Ugh, I hate it when they ask. 
  • Creepster Brandon is squashing his own butterfly as he spies on Desiree and Ben sharing their first kiss. 
  • Mikey decides to pull Ben aside to confront him about the politician vibe he gets.  Mikey says he wants to feel like they’re friends and not fake. Ben says he doesn’t want to stab anyone in the back. And then they bond by complimenting each other’s shoes. End of discussion.
  • Brandon is psyching himself out and gets a little emotional telling Desiree his life story about raising his siblings and how he can’t wait to have a family of his own. Coming on a little strong there, bud.  Desiree says she sees kindness but she looks a little bewildered.  Brandon declares he has fallen “in like” with Desiree.  

Ben gets the rose from Desiree for “using his time wisely.”  (read: kissing)  

One-on-One Date: Bryden — “Road trip!”

Desiree is excited to take Bryden up the California coast since he’s from Montana and has never been to California. They stop at a beach. They try to fly a kite, but it doesn’t work. Splash around in the water, but it’s cold.  Next they stop at an Orange Grove/in Orange Grove/somewhere to pick oranges, and lastly they stop at one of my favorite places — The Ojai Valley Inn & Spa.  Mumbles and I stayed there for my birthday a few years ago and it was delightful. I’d definitely recommend it to a friend. They have a romantic dinner date under a bunch of lanterns hung from a big, majestic oak tree. Super dreamy.  Over dinner Bryden shares that he was in a very bad car accident in college — he brought photos of the wreck and some of his injuries.  He joined the military soon thereafter and says it was a dream of his to serve and that the accident has shaped who he is.  Bryden says he has used the military as an excuse not to get close to anyone but now he’s ready to share his life. He is very barbaric looking but Desiree seems to like what she sees enough to give him a rose. 

In the hot tub after an excruciatingly long time staring into his eyes and agreeing with whatever it is he was muttering, Desiree finally just demands that Bryden kiss her already.  She knows this military man is good at taking orders. He obliges and at least they can laugh about it.  Geez. 

Cocktail Party:

Michael, the federal prosecutor, is telling Desiree a very heartfelt life story about being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when Ben saunters over to steal Desiree away.  Ben with the rose.  And the cockiness. He makes some reference to Desiree about their kiss being a secret. Maybe he thinks he got the first kiss?  Oh, that’s cute.  Michael and the other guys are pissed and confront Ben about being a slimeball but he’s got nothing to say.  So, the gents ask to take the conversation outside.  Mikey seems like a guy’s guy. A good friend. Ben, on the other hand…well, who tries to lie to a federal prosecutor? I mean, really. 

Brian, super sweaty guy, has a generic conversation with Des. Not even sure why I’m mentioning it. It was super vanilla. 

Roses:

  • Brooks
  • Ben
  • Bryden
  • James
  • Kasey
  • Dan
  • Juan Pablo
  • Brad
  • Chris
  • Brian
  • Zak W.
  • Drew
  • Mikey
  • Zack K. 
  • Michael
  • Brandon

Going home: Will, Robert, Nick M. 

Next Week: rappelling down a building, horses, dancing, westerns, rooftops, jumping in pools, making out, lying and deceit, men in tank tops, an ambulance, and another woman. 

And, for your uncomfortable viewing pleasure: