The Bachelor Recap episode 9, season 16

This week we’re in beautiful Switzerland with awkward fantasy date card invitations to look forward to. Yay!

First is the worst
Nicki arrives to meet Ben and he doesn’t seem all too excited to see her …maybe the elementary school kids have it right: first is the worst.

I’m sure you’re surprised to hear they’ll be taking a helicopter ride to see the city. I have to say, while it’s cool because it’s not a very common mode of transportation, I really think the helicopter date is a good plan if you want to rule out any opportunities for forced intimacy and conversation. It’s loud, you’re looking away from each other out separate windows, it’s difficult to hear what the other person is saying, plus there’s lots of nodding and empty smiling.  The helicopter lands on a mountaintop for the pair to set up a picnic. Nicki is reliving telling him she loves him and he seems to just laugh it off.  

At my house we’re a little disappointed there was no yodeling involved in this date. Seriously, what else are you supposed to do on a mountaintop in the Swiss Alps with a girl you aren’t really that into? Totally blew it, Ben.

Fireside dinner
Ben says he feels comfortable with Nicki and every time he sees her, he feels better. It seems awkward. And then it gets worse: Nicki asks how many kids he wants. Like he’s practicing for this conversation that he might want to have with someone he actually likes, Ben says the “more the merrier – four” and recalls that he and his sister and dad conspired to create a big family.  As if she realizes she isn’t fitting into this little life Ben has planned, she confidently affirms that she came from a small family and she’d like two kids.  Well, settled then. This isn’t working. 

Despite the fact that Ben says he is nervous about giving her the fantasy suite card, (which I don’t believe unless he means that he is nervous she’ll say yes and he’ll have to keep pretending with her) and she accepts. Of course.  And Ben is flattered. And off they go. And despite the fact that Nicki says she doesn’t take this lightly, she later says something along these lines: hey, folks, we’re a few short weeks away from the proposal…I gotta try this guy out, and, plus, the last guy I was with was my ex husband.

Nicki tells Ben she is confident she can make him happy. Next they’re in the hot tub. Woof. Is it itchy in here or is it just me? Ugh, yeah, this is awkward.

Second, the best

“Hey, I know I just had intimate relations with contestant #1, but now Lindzi’s here and I’m excited…welcome, Lindzi.”
–what Ben should say in his opening voice over

To start their romantic day together, according to Ben they’ll be repelling down 300 feet in a canyon. And a few minutes in we realize in disappointment they aren’t actually repelling, but rather someone up at the top is slowly lowering them down. Sounds like a metaphor for their relationship if I ever heard one – what Lindzi thinks will be a fun and exciting adventure is really just going to be a slow and anguishing let down.  In the midst of their snail’s pace descent, Ben tells the camera, “I love this woman” and I almost let myself believe Lindzi has a shot against Courtney’s crazy head mind games. Almost.

Hey, surprise! Another hot tub!  Finally at dinner, Lindzi tells Ben she is falling in love with him and is hoping for a proposal at the end. Ben tells the camera he is really starting to fall in love with her too. Upon receiving the fantasy suite invitation, Lindzi gives the obligatory “I usually don’t stay the night with anyone, but I want to spend more time with you” speech. And Ben loves her.  And she probably is the best.

Thirds the golden bird
Saving his best for last, Ben finally gets his beloved Courtney all alone (just the way she demands it). They take a train ride (where they get to talk and hear each other and cuddle up all cozy like, as opposed to a helicopter ride – see above).  At my house, we’re surprised to be halfway through their date and realizing we’re not yet annoyed by Courtney. They picnic with cows, and when Courtney brings up having a hard time with the girls, Ben tells her he wishes she would have made it easier for him and tells her it was all very messed up. And that’s the end of that conversation. Oh, and now Courtney loves him so much and is sorry that she treated those girls so poorly because it has made him second guess her. Oops.

At dinner, Courtney tries again to open up to Ben by confessing she has a hard time with girls, she puts walls up…Ben says he just feels cautious about the fact that Courtney is saying she doesn’t get along with women…he has a lot of girl friends, he’s very close to his mom and sister…is that going to be okay? (No.)  Courtney tells him that she acknowledges and regrets those mistakes. She wants normal in her life. Really? (No.)

Ben gives Courtney the fantasy suite card and says he feels really good about where they are. He wants uninterrupted everything, just to be with her. Courtney is calm and triumphant.  In a wine barrel of a hot tub (oh, sorry…surprise!) it gets rather steamy.

“It’s the smallest hot tub I’ve ever been in, and I’m not complaining!”  – Ben, also triumphant about saving the best girl and best hot tub for last.

Hot Mess Hotel Guest
Helicopter – check.
Hot tubs – check.
Previously sent home contestant knocking on hotel door to sort out feelings and confront Bachelor – check. 
Back from the depths of rejection, in a not-so-surprising move, is cutie pie Kacie B.  A self-proclaimed “hot mess,” Kacie says she feels like when she left she didn’t know what to say and couldn’t – still can’t – rationalize what it is that happened.  (remember the now famous girl next door yelling in the limo “What the f$%! happened? What the f$%! happened?!”?) She was so confident in what they had and she didn’t see getting sent home, and she can’t get over it. So, Ben: “what the f$%! happened?  His answer: they were worlds apart, two families with different backgrounds, and he doesn’t feel like he could give her all the things she needed. She didn’t do anything wrong, but Ben didn’t see her in the end and he didn’t want to hurt her. It’s easy to see that Kacie realizes her daddy who doesn’t drink and momma who won’t let her live with a boy before getting married have completely jeopardized their relationship so she tries to make Ben see his mistake by informing him that while she respects her parents, they don’t speak for her.  Ooh…ouch. Wonder if Ben wishes he would’ve asked about those sorts of things before sending her home?  Recognizing that she’s too far gone, Kacie tells him she loves him and cares about him, warning that Courtney will break his heart. Ben asks for reasons why and Kacie proclaims Courtney to be “in it to win it,” recalling Courtney advising the girls of the plenty of fish in the sea if Ben isn’t the one. Ben seems distraught and Kacie is laying on a hotel hallway floor to catch her breath.

Lindzi, the normal one, first impression rose winner
Courtney, the unstable one…still winning

Dearly Departed
Nicki says goodbye and tells Ben she just wants the best for him and hopes he is making the right decision. Ben tells her how incredible she is and that he cried a little bit today at the thought of sending her home but couldn’t ignore his doubts. He tells her she deserves everything. Nicki says she fell in love with him and fears he will be hurt one day…she hopes she is proved wrong but if she was being honest I bet she’d say she knows who he’s going to choose and sees that he’s gonna get hurt. Regardless of a really unflattering dress choice, it’s an emotional and sad goodbye.

Next week: The Women Tell All…

Final episode: Zurmat, Switzerland. (I’ve been there…it’s amazing). And a stunning engagement ring!  Whose will it be?!?

P.S. From Emily, a preview of her upcoming season:
Back normal, being a single mom, ready to meet her husband and not be lonely after kiddo goes to bed.  Oh, hey, Ali is still wearing yellow in case anyone was wondering if anything had changed. Ali and Ashley H. try to give her advice…you know, because they were so successful. Eww. They go to watch Titanic in 3D and I can’t take these three women seriously wearing 3D glasses. That was ridiculous. But…I like her. I still have hope that her season will be better than these last two. 



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