What I’m Reading: “Here Comes Baby, There Goes the Marriage”

stick girl jam & mumbles lovers lane.jpg

Yes, Mumbles is wearing a “Shake & Bake” sweatshirt. It’s the name of the softball team he’s been playing on for like 8 years. I find it awesome, which is probably why we are married.

In the same tune as getting pre-marital counseling to focus on the marriage instead of just planning a wedding, what do you think about pre-baby counseling to prepare your marriage for the obstacles you’ll face with your partner as new parents?  This article from The Wall Street Journal is a few years old (and I can’t even tell you the roundabout way I came to find it online) but I thought it was interesting. I can’t tell you how many times since Declan was born that I’ve looked over lovingly at my husband and thanked God for creating him to be such a wonderful and thoughtful life partner for me. There’s truly no one I’d rather be changing diapers and doing laundry with.

Buuuut, I confess I’ve sometimes felt resentful when I hear the baby begin to cry in the middle of the night and check my phone to see that it’s 2 a.m. and I was just up an hour ago feeding him. “What now?” I think, “And why is Mumbles still snoring peacefully through the crying and the loud voice in my head yelling at him to wake up?!” But, then I remember that though breastfeeding is tough (and tiring), it’s not something that Mumbles can experience – he must watch (or sleep) from the sidelines.  For me, having realizations like that puts it into perspective and I truly believe that marriage becomes even more of a partnership after having a baby. Which is often why I’ll jab Mumbles in the ribs a few times to get him to wake up if I’ve already fed the little one and he’s still fussing around in his crib. “Your turn, honey,” I say (as sweetly as humanly possible at 2:01 a.m.).

How do you juggle your marriage and parenting?  In what ways did you prepare yourselves before baby came?

P.S. Here’s another article about a study that says couples without kids are happier in their marriages.


One thought on “What I’m Reading: “Here Comes Baby, There Goes the Marriage”

  1. i feel the exact same way sometimes Jennifer! Liam is also going through the “I only want mommy when I am fussy,” stage….so even though my hubby graciously tries to calm him down if he fusses at night, he can’t. The moment I walk in….calm. Do I secretly kind of like that…yes…is it exhausting…YES!! Breastfeeding is the hardest thing sometimes…especially when all you want is sleep, and your little one is going through a growth spurt or something. You’re doing great though:) My hubby and I try to spend at least 30 min a night together after Liam goes down. Whether it’s watching TV or just talking. We have “date night” on Friday nights where we will stay up late (like 10PM) and watch a movie or have some wine, etc. Communication is key once you have a baby. We definitely share all of our emotions and frustrations when we feel them. That way we know where each other stands. Your relationship definitely changes but in ways you get stronger as a couple. We are much more of a team now.

    Great job mama!


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