Well folks, it’s starting to get good.  It’s the first international trip of the season and this Juan’s got Seoul.  Because they’re in Seoul, South Korea. Okay, too much? If there’s anything more annoying than how far we’re going to take the Juan puns, it’s the amount of literal and figurative baggage the girls all bring on this trip. It’s a lot. Luckily their swanky suite has plenty of room for it all.

Group Date: Chelsea, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, Kat and Nikki – “Pop”

At a dance studio the girls and Juan Pab join South Korean sensation 2NE1, who I’ve never heard of but apparently they’re huge. Like N*SYNC of their time but in girl form. That huge. All the girls are super excited (mainly because most of them are dancers), well, everyone except awkward Nikki whose best move is the sprinkler. The jerky, needs-a-little-maintenance sprinkler. Kat seems to find her calling on stage and we have to seriously wonder at this point if she’s one of those girls on the show to simply propel some sort of show business career because she seems waaaay too eager to be a backup dancer.  I thought for sure Cassandra would be vying for attention but, we hardly get a glimpse of her shakin’ it on stage and when we do, it appears to be lacking coordination and enthusiasm. I thought she was an NBA dancer?

In case you forgot how much Nikki hates hate hates this date, here’s how she clarifies:

Nikki’s outside face looks like this: 🙂
Nikki’s inside face looks like this: 😦

Capisce?

P.S. Gotta get me some of those sparkly white chucks. Fancy!

Later that night Kat tries to show her serious side while behind her back, Nikki complains about how fake she is.  And so it begins. Elise steps up to the plate as the first girl of the season to play the friend card, warning him vaguely that there are girls there for the wrong reasons. You can all say goodbye to Elise now.  Clearly Negative Nikki is rubbing everyone the wrong way, and the astute gent that he is, our man man Juan P flat out asks Nikki how she feels about Camilla (recall Elise’s vague “I think some girls aren’t ready to be moms” comment)…but oh ho ho, does Nikki have everyone beat!  She’s a pediatric nurse for goodness sake. She wins. Who doesn’t want a nurse to be their kid’s stepmom?  Sorry girls, she’s golden and gets the rose.

Juan-On-One Date: Sharleen – “Are you my Seoul-mate?”

After exploring the city (naturally), an open-air market (of course) and shopping (duh), Juan Pablo takes Sharleen to a traditional tea house.  She seems impressed but then I hate her because she decides she needs to  s p e a k   s l o o o o o w l y  for him to understand her. Pretty sure he gets what you’re saying, lady, it’s you that has a hard time getting him. And I get it. Boy, do I get it. With a husband who is known for his mumbles (and known as Mumbles, no less), I totally get it.  Someone get this chick some subtitles.  Heck, get us some subtitles while you’re at it. It’ll make it easy to keep drinking wine while watching without missing a beat. Plus, I’m getting tired of rewinding this show. Frankly, Sharleen she seems bored and unimpressed but then she goes and says something like this:

“He is open-minded, curious about other people and the world…he is more…fun than expected.” -Sharleen, being totally confusing

Later, she calls their time together effortless and says their conversation flowed freely. Excuse me…? In the next turn of head-scratching events, Sharleen seems downright offended that Juan Pablo would ask her to sing for him. “On the first date?!” She does, reluctantly, afraid somehow that her being an opera singer is so impressive that it will make him like her more??  I’m getting the impression that she feels she’s got cultured celebrity status and men have been enamored with her occupation in the past. Not quite sure. It is impressive, I’ll say, and Juan Pablo thinks so too.

And after all that, this date has somehow transformed skeptical Sharleen’s feelings toward being on the show and about Juan Pablo. She now believes she could fall in love with him, and he’s already said that she’s his favorite so far. So, now it’s interesting because Juan Pablo asks a very, very important question: “how many kids do you want to have?” to which she quickly deflects back to him. Easy for him. The answer is that he’d like two or three more. Ruh roh.  Sharleen’s face is totally busted on this one and you can see the thought of kids – all sticky and loud – is repulsive to her.  Truth is, she doesn’t self identify as a mom. And that’s okay. It’s just not okay when the dude you’re dating has a daughter and wants three more to join his brood. In another twist of events, Sharleen shares that she dated someone once with a daughter but – not a shocker – she wasn’t ready to handle it. Juan Pabs seems to understand and empathize with her honesty about struggling with said ex, all because she felt some sort of lost connection knowing that she wouldn’t experience that “first” of having kids with him. Juan Pablo sagely nods in understanding, and again, Sharleen is impressed. Hard to tell if it’s with him or with herself, seeing that she’s getting away with all this BS…only time will tell, I guess, because she walks away with a sly grin and a rose to boot.

Group Date: Renee, Andi, Clare, Kelly, and two brown haired girls that don’t get much air time. (Lauren and Alli) – “Let’s get krazy in Korea”

Fun-loving karaoke in a doll-house-like setup is followed by playful paddle boat rides, and topped off with fish pedicures (oh, ya know, the kind of spa treatment where little fishes nibble dead skin off your feet. Eww, right? But yeah, that’s a thing). Next up? Korean street food like octopus, which makes Clare all flustered but pisses Alli off because, yeah, you can order calamari anywhere in the U.S. It’s not that exotic. And, as Kelly poignantly points out: she’s surely swallowed bigger things than that. Oooooo, girl. Feisty!

That night during alone time with Juan P, Renee is hoping to get a kiss but all of a sudden Juan Pabs decides that kissing lots of ladies is not cool (little Camilla would be so disappointed grossed out if she saw) so he declares he won’t be kissing anyone on this date. (A collective sad sigh is heard).

Juan Pablo is clearly smitten with Andi. I confess, I am too. Gosh that girl is darling.  During their cute little snugglefest, they flirt and joke and Juan Pablo explains sadly that most people don’t get his sense of humor, but happily Andi gets him.  Good sign, friends.

Not a good sign: when Lauren asks him for un beso and he rejects her, she takes it to mean he’s not that into her (which seems spot on) and then she proceeds to ugly cry about it. Wave goodbye to Lauren now, everyone.

Just a few minutes alone with possessive Clare is all Poor Juan Pablo needs to break his no kissing rule. But pure physical attraction doesn’t always win out, and Andi receives the rose. (Yay!)

Cocktail Party:
Despite the group coming to a consensus that the girls with roses should give the girls without roses the quality time with Juan Pablo, Nikki can only hold out about five minutes before she tracks him down.  Clare has cleverly watched this show before (hey, you gotta do your homework when you’re husband hunting!) and knows that tattling to Juan Pabs about Nikki’s negative side would only put her in the friend zone. And she’s not about to give up her spot on the I-make-out-with-you list.

Roses:
Nikki
Sharleen
Andi
Renee
Chelsie
Kelly
Danielle
Cassandra
Alli
Clare
Kat

Going home: Elise and Lauren.

Next up: Vietnam. Boat rides, brown water, beaches, funny hats, and maybe Clare goes too far.

So, spill. Who’s your favorite so far? Are you totally girl crushing on Andi like me?